Moved from Los Angeles to the Great State of Mississippi.
Wife hates it. I have grown to kind of like it.
But here are some of the kooky things that are prominent to me as an out-of-stater.
[ul]
[li]The Chinese and Mexican food here sucks. And they don’t know it.[/li][li]Most of the Chinese restaurants are buffets…that serve sushi…and pizza???[/li][li]People drive Chevy Caprices and Ford Crown Victorias. I use to constantly slow down, because if you see a Crown Vic in LA, it’s a cop. Here it’s just an older person chugging along[/li][li]Jackson must have the highest number of Churches per Capita in the States. I figure Jackson must be the huge silver belt buckle of the Bible Belt.[/li][li]Everyone has chips and cracks in their windshield, because that’s what happens when you combine bad roads, hills and an unusual amount of dump trucks hauling rocks.[/li][li]Seems like every guy here and quite a number of women as well, hunt[/li][li]When I say hunt, I dont mean people stalking through the woods. Checking for spoor. That sort of thing. Nope. Usually a guy sitting in a tree stand next to something called a food plot.[/li][li]I’ve walked through the Jungle. I’ve walked through a bad project in Van Nuys. You wouldn’t catch me walking through some parts of Jackson. And people ask me if crime is worse in LA. I laugh.[/li][li]“What you know good?” is apparently English for “How’s it going?”[/li][li]“Tighten yo ass up”, gay connotations aside, is a call for job excellence.[/li][li]“Git R Done” is a battle cry against procrastination.[/li][li]Guys around here don’t like to use their Christian name, preferring nicknames. So far I have met many a Buddy, Love, Cornbread, and a Puddin’.[/li][li]Since we’re so close to Louisiana, where’s my Cajun food? Where’s my Pappadeaux’s dammit![/li][li]On the first day of the month, this air raid siren goes off. Apparently it’s to test the tornado warning system. But for someone out of state, it sounds like an air raid.[/li][li]People look at me weird because I walk my dog, and carry poop bags.[/li][li]Mississippi must have the highest percentage of veterans, because when they find out I’m Korean they want to regale me with stories of the Korean war or of having fought alongside ROK army forces in Vietnam[/li][/ul]
All I can think of for the moment. I’m sure I’ll have more.
[ul]
[li]You do not know how to drive in the rain. [/li][li]A humid day does not top out at 21%[/li][li]Yes I know who Larry the Cable Guy is. No I will not wear his bracelet. [/li][li]A lake is not the Ocean. [/li][li]There’s no salt air. [/li][li]Wow, everyone has Guns…THAT THEY WEAR.[/li][li]Hot is anything over 90. I don’t want to fry my eggs on the asphalt. [/li][li] Connecticut is in the North East. Meaning on the east coast. [/li][/ul]
Baltimore to a small town in Ohio:
[ul]
[li]they think catfish, perch and walleye are seafood[/li][li]everyone cares about high school football[/li][li]everyone talks about Ohio State football, all year long[/li][/ul]
Salsa. Pfft. “Would you like that mild, extra-mild, or North Shore?”
Blue laws. Why the hell can I buy cheap, nasty evil-smelling beer by the case 24/7, but if I want to buy a six-pack of Leinies, I have to get to the store by 8:30 at night, and not at all on Sunday?
What is With the Freaking MOSQUITOES?
And the humidity. They may be connectec, actually…
A Taste of Minnesota. Apparently, Minnesota tastes deep-fried…
[QUOTE=archmichael]
[li]Guys around here don’t like to use their Christian name, preferring nicknames. So far I have met many a Buddy, Love, Cornbread, and a Puddin’.[/li][/QUOTE]
That’s funny. I had nickname growing up (still do) in NJ and nobody else I knew did. My dad grew up in Mississippi. I have two sisters - I guess they don’t get the nickname treatment.
[ul]
[li]Damn, y’all can’t drive worth a shit![/li][li]Where the hell can you get good catfish around here?[/li][li]This is the most segregated place I’ve ever been[/li][li]Just about everything costs way too goddamn much[/li][li]People freaking everywhere; always a line[/li][li]They don’t make anything here[/li][li]People from New Jersey came down to N. Virginia and made it into another New Jersey. Where’s Virginia?[/li][li]FOR CHRIST’S SAKE, CONNECT 295 SOUTH TO 395 SOUTH! ALL IT TAKES IS ONE STUPID EXIT RAMP![/li][/ul]
I’ve lived in Georgia most of my life, but have only lived in Columbus since 1993. The motto of the city council here is “if it’s green, cut it down.” They have no concept of what greenspace means, even tho they pay lip service to it. They cut down 200 year old oak trees, plan a few crepe myrtles and they’re happy. We’ve been ridin’ the ragged edge of disaster for years over air quality, but they don’t seem to understand the connection between trees and breathable air. If Fort Benning weren’t on our city limits, you wouldn’t be able to breathe in this town.
And I’m not going to go into zoning, since this isn’t the Pit.
–87 degrees is not hot. Try 102 without the heat index.
–There are rules for driving. Please use them.
–Please stick to the right, so I can pass on your left. This means in the car, or in the grocery store. Get the hell out of my way.
–Stop honking. Please. Park your car, get out of it, and go to the person’s door. Do not sit in the street and repeatedly honk your horn.
–Pick up your trash. Yes, that candy wrapper you just dropped on the sidewalk outside of my house. Do not throw your empty soda cup out your car window, and do not leave your cigarette pack on the street.
–For Og’s sake, do not leave iced tea out overnight in the restaurant, then attempt to serve it to me the next day. And for cryin’ out loud, give me more than two freakin’ cubes of ice with my tea.
–Taco Bell is not Mexican food. No, it’s really not. Honest.
–There really are people who are born in one place, are raised in another, and die somewhere else. People really do leave the city in which they were born.
–What’s truly the difference between a borough and a town? Then why not call it a town like the rest of the world?
–Driving to Hershey from Harrisburg (about 20 minutes, with traffic) is not a long distance to travel. Get a clue, please.
–Just because you’ve known someone for most of your life, does not make the two of you related. He’s not your cousin, or your uncle, or your dad if you don’t have a blood or legal connection (like an actual marriage).
From small-town Northern New York to Albany, NY (well the Capital District, anyway):
– How can anyone live near the Hudson? Have you BEEN on a Captain JP booze cruise on the Hudson? It smells like sewage! Mr. Pataki, there’s nothing “majestic” about the Hudson. You make me giggle.
– Local TV stations: Stop obsessing about the goddamn weather! I didn’t buy a 36 inch TV just so you could reduce it to 27 inches with your nifty graphics highlighting the counties that might get a little bit of rain. It’s just rain, people! I thought we were bored in East Bumblefart. Sheesh! And don’t get me started on the snow. I walked to school in -40 degree weather in the snow. We get a few inches and you’d think all hell broke loose. God forbid I go to Price Chopper on an evening that we might get a snow storm. All the water and batteries disappear from the shelves like it’s Y2K all over again. :rolleyes:
– You have an orange mayor! ORANGE!! :eek:
– You voted Pizza Hut as one of the top 3 pizza places?? WTF?
– Your priests need to stop diddling children. And your bishop needs to stop pussyfooting around the issue. Removing them from ministry is punishment enough? Is he kidding?
– Troy, NY is an eyesore. I had to move 20 minutes away to get the Troy stink off me. And what’s with all the crows? I felt like I was in a Hitchcock film.
– The only good thing about living in NY’s Capital District is that MA and VT are close enough to visit.
New Orleans to Shreveport (yes, it’s within the same state TECHNICALLY):
Humid? You call this humid? HA! Even if it IS actually humid (say, 60% or up) it’ll be gone tomorrow. This is NOT HUMID. It is, however, too f’in hot.
Ah yes, I’m back in the Bible Belt, where an appropriate topic of conversation with people you’ve just met is religion. God(dess) help you if you aren’t a Baptist or something like that, because you will be completely left out of these conversations.
Where is the decent Chinese food?..Dallas? Shit.
What’s the deal with that Mardi Gras parade that had floats featuring various jazz musicians, but blared Top 40 crap at us instead of, oh, JAZZ??? And where were the marching bands? You call this Mardi Gras?
– Much of the same as archmichael.
– Demons and angels are as real as atoms and planets.
– Evolution is just a theory.
– The best damn Cajun food in the world, bar none.
– The worst Mexican food in the world, bar none.
– You can still hear people speaking Cajun French to each other in the local Piggly Wiggly.
– Che’ and Boo are terms of endearment.
– 80% humidity isn’t much to talk about, but freezing weather and winds above 10 mph demand local news bulletins.
– God a’mighty, hurricanes!
I don’t want to pit Boston. I want to Pit Rochester, N.Y., where I once lived for a century (sorry, Gangster Octopus)
1.) The only city I know of that had a subway and got rid of it. Because no one was riding it.
2.) After I left, I saw a newspaper headline: Dull Folks Honor Dangerfield. I didn’t even have to look for the dateline. It turns out that the International Society of Dull Folks is headquartered in Rochester. I don’t even have to make up any jokes.
3.) So is DENSA, the tongue-in-cheek Dumb-People answer to MENSA.
4.) People point out al the famous people from Rochester – Chuck Mangione, etc. The operative word isn’t “Rochester”, it’s “from”.
5.) They don’t believe in plowing snow – salting is the answer
6.) As a result, it’s the only city I’ve found with the ttradition of “rust rats” – people who own nice cars put them in the garage before the first snowflake falls* and drive around a sacrificial auto through the winter, the “rust rat”, to absorb the abuse of winter driving, especially the ubiquitous and corrosive salt. In all my years in other snow-bound cities, I’ve never heard of this anywhere else.
– This is not a steak, this is burned shoe leather
– We’re driving two hours, you do not need an overnight bag
– It doesn’t get that cold. It’s not cold if it’s above 0ºF
– Six inches is not all that much snow, and 12 inches sure isn’t a massive accumulation
– The roads out here are too narrow, especially when you let people park on 'em
Restaurants suck. All of them. Even the good ethnic ones.
Night life? More like thug life. Wonder a block off the beaten path and you’re on your own. Literally. Where’d everybody go?
I think people mentioned traffic and driving habits: Bad and worse.
Newsflash: It snows in the winter folks. Three inches of snow is not a natural disaster. Keep driving, idiots.
Museums are nice. Can we knock down just one for parking space? How about paving part of the mall?
Georgetown is not hip. Just a badly planned shopping district.
Adams Morgan needs gay lessons from San Francisco.
Old town can be hip. Develop the damn waterfront!
Potomac river is a brown cesspool.
The Chessapeak is inaccessible during daylight hours. When accessible, the land parts are dull.
BTW, culture is not just museums and memorials. Culture is urban planning that supports and promotes people wanting to sit in a cafe or friendly public space, watch and be watched. Where are the people friendly areas?
Bakersfield to Berkeley, presently stopped off in San Jose.
(San Jose) What’s with all these stupid low speed limits?
(San Jose) One hour’s drive each way is not a long drive for a day trip. San Francisco is practically next door. Two hours is easy.
(Both) Jaywalking is a privilege, not a right. If you must do it, sprint, don’t stroll.
(Berkeley) Why can I not take twenty paces without being hit up for change?
(Berkeley) You, the LaRouche guys. I don’t want to talk to you. Do not talk to me. Most certainly do not touch me to get my attention.
(Berkeley) How can you have a burger place with no actual ground beef on the premises?
(Berkeley) Why must everything close so stupidly early?