Here is a short background, followed by my questions to you all.
Background
I’m a normally functioning 27 years old who rents from my father. A few years ago I began having simple partial seizures. I’ve had the round of tests with my MRI/CT being fine, but EEGs recorded a multitude of seizures.
I have been put on Levetiracetam and clobazam which have cut my seizures down from 40 per month, to 2. I experience a bit of tiredness, and I believe a fair bit of memory loss (I’ve had memory tests which show minor problems, but nothing major) which has an unknown cause of either the medication or the seizures themselves. I am content with my progress, but am obviously still looking to explore options to better my position and disheartened by my memory. I am working with my neurologist and specialists to see what steps I can take, but as can be expected it is a slow process. I am also joining different clinical trials that come available as an alternate route to finding solutions.
My father is unhappy. He calls my medication both poison and “chemicals,” and wants me to explore “natural” remedies because doctors want to keep me sick to make money. We don’t get along too well, but he says he cares a lot about me. His interest in my situation causes problems because he insists on joining me in appointments and then proceeds to distract from them by bringing up his interests.
In contrast to the steps I’ve taken above, my father has a different ideal path for me: No medications. Charlotte’s web as a “medicine,” as well as a multitude of supplements daily. B complex, B3, B6, B12, folic acid, pantothenic acid, magnesium, Taurine and some other stuff. All of which are in values much above what is needed daily. He comes from a mindset that taking tonnes of supplements each day is necessary to keep you healthy (he takes an ungodly amount of pills every day), and that simple things such as soy/beef among others are bad for you and should never be eaten. I think a quick way to summarize him would be he is on a lengthy conspiracy theorist bandwagon that doesn’t stop often.
I disagree with his ideas on the grounds of accepted medications having proven records of working, lack of evidence of weed helping my type of epilepsy (or really any types), wanting time to see the effects of medication changes, and waiting for further test results and data. I also struggle to accept his intentions with weed because I know he is a heavy drug user and is even growing plants now, so I feel there is a SLIGHT bias to his position here, blocking his rationality.
My current thoughts are to have both of us write out our feelings and ideal situation, and why we have them. I think that with a process like this we can both have a better understanding of each other, with solid list of things wanted tied directly to their reasoning, which can be criticized point by point from both sides. Writing it out rather than speaking allows for the removal of emotion from at least part of the process. My problem here is that I can see him obsessing over any permanent object which I give him, and if my argument doesn’t fit with his world view he may never stop trying to convince me or will confront me more often. I know that I of course hold the ultimate say, and he has so far respected that, but I prefer to stay as civil as possible with him.
I have a neurologist appt. coming up in about 10 days. Lets see if you guys are more creative than I am.
The Questions:
What would be an effective way to discuss this? My problems lie in having level headed conversations with him about this. He tends to get excited easily, and doesn’t respond well or really even acknowledge my criticisms. I try to dismiss his as well as I can but he likes to repeat things - even after I’ve argued against them in a way that I’d consider adequate - without changing his reasoning.
I can not appeal to authority, because he thinks my neurologist is a fool who admits there is little that we know about the brain, which makes any point of his invalidated. I can not criticize his arguments about supplements or weed because there really is no logic to work with. He lacks understanding of epilepsy as well as the basics of health it would seem. If I argue, my points tend to be dismissed because “he used to work in a hospital,” or because of something he heard on a conspiracy show or on some equivalent of a “Dr” OZ show stating some simple thing magically cured a person.
Is there a fair or non-confrontational way to say I don’t want him to be involved in my medical life in any way? That I don’t want him to come to meetings? If you had to approach this, what would you do? He tends to get excited easily, as mentioned above, and would likely take it very personally. He currently assumes that any appointment that I have he is invited to, and I am finding it very awkward to bring my going alone up to him. I drop subtle hints saying that I can get to the meetings just fine on my own and that he doesn’t need to worry about me or my appointments. These don’t work.
In writing this I somewhat feel like I should just grow up and tell him to fuck off, but I’ll see what you guys think ;).