Trek Dopers! Enterprise Season 3 starts 9/10/03

You mean, like… from Arkansas?

Weren’t the Xindi “destroyed” some time in the latter part of the 24th or 25th century? That would place it at least 20 years after Voyager ended.

DaLovin’ Dj: has real, honest-to-goodness summaries and reviews of all the eps. The last handful, coming up this week and until 9/10, are mostly decent.

Other tidbits, all of which are true from my perspective: :slight_smile:

Trip is spelled with only one “p.” He’s a good old boy who’s good at fixing stuff but not so great at first contacts.

T’Pol has loosened up a bit. Still waiting for Malcolm the armory officer to follow suit.

Travis the helmsman is the one we know the least about and we still don’t hear him speak much.

Phlox is one cool doc, especially when he’s pissed.

Archer is finally starting to toughen up as a captain and get past his tendency towards weenerism.

Porthos the beagle is cute, but we still have no idea where the poor doggie’s bathroom is.

We’ve seen Klingons, Andorians, Vulcans and Tellarites; only heard the Romulans; saw Borg but they didn’t mess up the continuity.

There you go.

Barber and Captain. We were hit by a phased polaron beam during a routine investigation of Sector 7G and it caused all our consoles to go all sparkly and stuff, blinding a handful of officers, including our dear barber. Since I majored in cosmotology before deciding I wanted to join Starfleet, I was the obvious choice to replace him until we got us a new one.

And don’t be so naive… I don’t use phaser-cutting phasers. I use bat’leths.


yes, but then we find out the xindi had a brief period in the 24th century where they were known as the Bajorans or something…

Nonsense… the Xindi will end up not having ever existed, as some temporal incursion will simply erase them from history, or at least they will fall through a wormhole, be exposed to googla-moogla-bawomba radiation, resulting in the development of shapeshifting abilities, and they will go on to found some sort of Dominion, or something… The possibilities are, of course, staggering.

Maybe they get shot with that ray that that dude from Robocop and 70’s show was using to blast races out of existance. Or better yet the whole Enterprise series gets shot with it! (except Hoshi, who is protected via the power of nakedness.)

You both have it wrong.

The Xindi are the smooth headed Klingons, duh!

Tars, that was the “temporal incursion” I mentioned…

Aes, I thought those were the Klingons’ wussy cousins, the Geekons…

Hey, I never said we were curing cancer or anything. Besides, I hear they are giving her role a much firmer base in reality this year. She will be a lesbian super-spy now, so the storyline should make alot more sense. She did kill a guy last season so she’s got street cred now - “Again.”-. Oh? What’s a matter kids? Don’t know what we are talking about? Am I making this stuff up or is it real? Wheeeee! Aren’t we having fun!

Sorry. I’m just bitter because I had to play a Ferengi for a whole summer at an amusement park. At first it seemed like it would be cool. My mother recorded all of the original ST episodes when I was a kid, and as a result I grew to love them. I watched TNG religiously and most of DS9 (which was as far as they had gotten at the time). I loved the stuff.

My very first job and the training consisted of getting paid to watch episodes of TNG (to catch up on the mythology). I already had it down. Then I learned how to make myself a Ferengi. The makeup looked pretty good. Then I had to paint my nails twice for a nice silvery color, and install dentures that made it look like I had some serious fangs. This was all cool until it was 95 degrees out and some punk smugly asks me “What is the 34th rule of aquisition?” I even memorized a good chunk of the rules, but I found out that to answer even one question correctly did nothing but inspire the little trekkers to never quit - until they had stumped me or I had assaulted them.

I grew to hate that job very quickly, and was only able to take comfort in the fact that I could make small children cry easily (the makeup was pretty convincing - to a 5 year old a Ferengi is just a monster - no offense Monstre). That, and the fact I was making 3 times as much in 4 hours a day as my friends were making in 9 hours waiting on tables. Also, a good friend who went to the same college as I did was a Klingon. We had taken stage combat together. There were 9 or 10 stock scripts. We were supposed to go out and perform these scripts, but we were forced (and encouraged) to improvise. Most of the scripts SUCKED, so me and my buddy would write our own bits. They mostly consisted of me stealing candy and toys from the shops (the air-conditioed shops) & letting kids see me. They would tell the Klingon “security officer” what I was doing and he would come in and kick my ass all around the store. Yeah, that was the highlight.

Anyway, thanks for the arc info and links to the reviews. I never kept up with Voyager and I haven’t been able to maintain with Enterprise either. I still love the stuff at heart. I wish they wouldn’t play with time travel so much, but oh well.

DaLovin’ Dj

Wow, thank you for that story, DaLovin’ Dj. What a fascinating little peak into your murky past. I personally have never had a job that involved wearing fang dentures and nail polish, or getting my ass kicked around a store be a Klingon.

I’ll be watching this season… I’m somewhat hopeful, after Season 2 ended on an upswing. The episodes seemed to get progressively better after the middle of last season, so I’m interested to see if that continues.
And now, Kn*ckers’ Top 10 Predictions for Season 3 of Enterprise:

  1. Over the course of the season, Archer will give at least eight speeches on the need for a Prime Directive.

  2. Trip will run around in his underpants on four separate occasions.

  3. Malcolm won’t get laid. Ever.

  4. Hoshi WILL get laid. Twice. In the same episode.

  5. T’Pol’s emotions will run rampant and turn her into a furious, snarling Bitch of Death. She will beat the living crap out of Archer, in a scene that is supposed to be rich with sexual tension, but is really only vaguely disturbing.

  6. Porthos will be given cheese.

  7. Travis will go for three episodes straight with his only line being “Sir?”

  8. We will see Phlox’ creepy stretchy smile again. Yay!

  9. There will be a Very Special episode which deals metaphorically with peer-pressure to use drugs. At the end of the episode, there will be a plug for The Partnership for a Drug-Free America
    and the number one thing that will happen this season:

  10. Panda, panda, panda. There will be at least one instance of gratuitous pandering per episode. Yay!

New Panda in season 3:,+Julia



  1. The reset button get used once.

  2. Travis does talk and reminds us why he isn’t used more.

  3. Porthos shows more acting range, continously upstaging Archer until he gets his own series Star Trek: Deep Space Dog Park.

  4. Ratings continue to slide, continuity is then completely destroyed in a series of gimmick episodes. Show is cancelled at the end of the season. Berman and Braga blame the fans.

  5. Still no series for Capt. Sulu.

Hmmmmm…Panda…or Pussycat! Mmmmmrowl!

Hopefully she keeps the Catwoman costume while on Enterprise…

Or when awakened too early.

Oh, one more prediction -

  1. That season premier? On September 10? We will see pie. Pecan pie.

(Extra bonus points if Trip throws a reference to his late sister into the pie scene).
Kn(when come back bring Enterprise)ckers

  1. Towards the end of next season, the Enterprise will encounter the Jem Ha’dar (and possibly even the Founders).

It’s “Give me your lunch money or I’ll kick your ass”, kid… :smiley:

“War is good for business.” – The 34th rule of acquisition.


Peace is good for business – 35th rule of acquisition