I’ve had people pass by me, both of us walking briskly in a hallway, and ask how I’m doin’.
Since I’m not going to start lying just to make their life less complicated, I say “Horrendous!”
By now they’re twelve feet behind me. They shout back “Great! See ya!”
Nah see he looks like a young clone of me(I’m white)…except with an afro. That is what they really want to talk about, they just don’t know how to say it so they open with a moronic question so that their second question can be about his mother(which it always is). They know very well he is my son when they ask the question.
English! Do you speak it?
I’ll reup with the “how are you” sentiments. I’ll offer the standard “fine” but it almost causes me physical pain to do so.
My grandma asks “what’s new?” every time I see her. I’ve tried various ways to deflect but there’s no satisfying solution.
I’d really rather people just said hello. Using quasi rhetorical questions is all around annoying.
Not sure where you are going with that.
My mom used to ask these kinds of questions when I was a kid. She just wanted to reinforce her power (she had/has some fucked-up control issues). She still does this to people, but now that I understand there is no answer to the question, I refuse to answer them. It’s an obnoxious habit. If you’re asking a question that has only one answer, it’s not a question. Phrasing a non-question as a question is passive-aggressive as shit.
Cite?
I mean it-- I’d love to hear what your mom did. Clearly you mean more than just “How are you?”
Meh… My standard reply is “Fair to middling”. 
I hate the pre-emptive “'sup?” or “wass happenin’?” - I think people get it in as quickly as possible so they don’t have to answer the same question. So if you don’t want to answer that question, why ask it? How about saying something else for a change, just a little more imaginative?
Wassamatta, you don’t like liver any more?
Bacon and onions, or no bacon and onions? Incomplete information!!!
You do know that often these aren’t even questions, but rather salutations? I don’t really care, or even expect you to provide, what is actually “up”. I am merely vocally acknowledging your presence.
So “What’s up?” is a rethorical question?
Next you’ll be telling us you don’t even care how it’s hanging.
Often times, at least IME.
Passing a co-worker in the hall: “Hey”. “What’s up?”. “Seeya”. Or even: “What’s up?” “How’s it going?”. No answer provided or expected.
If somebody asked me the “question” in the OP about tornadoes it wouldn’t even occur to me to actually answer it.
That said - insisting on an answer for your rhetorical question is ridiculous and annoying. If I respond to “What’s up?” with “Hey!” and then you demand to actually no what is up… well, what that is I don’t even know. It’d be like requiring me to actually say “yes” when you ask “Hot enough for ya?” - when everybody knows the appropriate response is kicking you in the shin.
Eh, if someone asks a rhetorical question and you just stare ahead blankly, that could quite accurately be construed as rudeness on your part. A nod and a grunt is usually sufficient, but completely ignoring a person is generally not.
“At least one time too few, apparently,” would be the correct answer. Not that I’d have the stones to say that to my boss, but any boss who’s a big enough dick to do this deserves a smart-ass answer.
As for “How are you?” I find nothing objectionable in that. My usual answer is “I’ve been worse.”
My mother is the queen of trick rhetorical questions, of the validation-seeking variety. “Doesn’t this new chair go well with the couch,” “Don’t these new picture frames look nice near the curtains,” “Don’t you love the new quilt I bought,” etc. etc. It drives me batty. If I say something that’s less than a 100% on the enthusiasm-meter, she gets passive-aggressive. “Well, I thought they were lovely…I don’t know why YOU wouldn’t like them…I THOUGHT you would LIKE it, which is why I bought it…”
Look, mother, it’s your house, not mine. I’m only here visiting during my vacation time. I don’t live here. Why is it my job to validate your decorating choices?
[Is that a trick rhetorical question?]
Pulp Fiction.