Kids and beautiful women are nothing more than bait for the villain to use against the hero.
When a hero is being chased, he has access to wormholes in space time. He will go into an alley with a pack of villains (always a pack of at least 3) 6 feet behind and gaining, and come out with the villain 50 feet behind and still gaining.
Nobody ever reads at home. If there are bookcases, they are strictly decorative. There are never half-read books stacked next to chairs, or open magazines on coffee tables.
All pets are incarnations of Felix Unger, unless they are a key character, then they are total slobs who track mud amusingly across the white rug. In any case, no animal ever sheds.
All cars are solar-powered. Nobody ever has to stop to gas up in the middle of a chase.
Except for chairs. You can swing a chair across someone’s back hard enough to break the chair into a dozen pieces, and it will knock the hero or the villain down, but not out.
Beautiful women are doomed. If you are a man or an ordinary-looking woman, you have a fighting chance, but if you are a beautiful woman, men will come and take you away from your parents and make you become a chanteuse or courtesan or the girlfriend of gangsters, until you either get killed or are used up and thrown away. You have no say in what happens to you.
(I call this the Gong Li Rule, although women other than Gong Li have played the Gong Li role.)
People are never atheists or agnostics because they arrived at the opinion logically. They’re non-believers because of something painful in their past. Really they’re not non-believers at all- they’re just angry at the God they profess not to believe in. Otherwise all Americans are either generic non-devout Christians or Jews.
Graves, while six feet deep, are filled in with dark colored styrofoam peanuts and coffins are made of balsa wood enabling anyone buried alive or zombies to easily pop out from the ground at will.
Speaking of graves, if you’re a protagonist and your partner/friend/other guy gets killed you never actually attend the funeral, you just kind of lounge around the outskirts of it looking sullen before leaving without talking to anyone (unless the wife of the deceased feels like slapping you first) and putting on your motorcycle helmet before roaring off down the street.
Police bosses will dismiss the rogue cop until he’s almost out the door before calling his name to tell him one more thing, so that the rogue can stop and then turn around before giving his smarmy answer.
Dude…we’re trying to be ironically funny…you’re just being waaaay too factually truthful for this thread.
When people say “As you wish”, they’re really telling you they love you.
No shit. Where do they get that shit from anyway? Do people ACTUALLY use their birthday for a password?
My most-used password is my first ATM PIN (from a bank that’s no longer in existence) with random letters attached at the end.