I’m on the downswing of my depression at the moment (no reason, just mood), and I want to get out of it. I’ve been trying on my own most of the morning, and it just hasn’t happened. So, I’m hoping for help from anyone that feels the desire to try to make me happy. Post a joke, flirt with me, hug me… something, anything to get me out of this mood!!! Please?
Consider your cool self hugged!
A joke…a joke… hmm…
Okay. I’ve told it before but it’s my younest kid’s favorite.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To show the armidillo that it could be done.
G-d, you know I can’t resist you piscean ladies. So, I hereby bequeath my very first message board hug to you:
{{{{{TruePisces}}}}}
Wow… I’ve never done that before. It’s like a whole new world. 
Feel better TrueP. Hope I made ya smile. 
What food has been determined to be 95% effective at reducing or eliminating the female sex drive?
wedding cake
Tomorrow’s the first day of Spring!
Hmmm…some jokes…
OK.
Two guys walk into a bar. The third guy ducks.
[sub] didn’t help?. OK, another[/sub]
So, the newspaper is running a pun contest, and mikey wants to win. So he sends in 10 puns. He checks the next weeks paper to see if one wins, but no pun in ten did.
[sub] not that funny, huh? [/sub]
Well, I tried. Next time, I’ll just send some flowers
How about I sing to you:
When you’re chewing on life’s gristle
Don’t grumble, give a whistle
And this’ll
help things turn out for the best…
And always look on the bright side of life…
Wish I were closer to take ya out for sushi and a cemetary walk, girl.
My absolute favorite joke, not sure how it’ll relay in a text medium though…
WARNING Very disgusting joke
Why do women douche?
Because we can’t teach our pussies to go hoorwk-pp-twooie!
Hugs to ya TP
The mood is improving, MANY thanks to all… (Of course, even when the mood is better, I STILL don’t mind hugs and flirts and jokes… I’ll print it out so I can look at it later! :D)
Arden Ranger - Thank you for the hug and the compliment. And the joke was just too cute to not bring out a smile!
Simetra - That made me feel really special. It’s not every day that I get to be someone’s first anything. And the proud owner of your first message board hug is just way too cool!
dustMagnate - Not by the way most of the ladies on this board act!
Beelzwbubba - The attempt was well meant, so that’s the most important part! You DID make me smile. Thank you.
Tequila - You certainly know how to cheer me up, m’dear. Now I’ll have to find an excuse to come to St Louis. Loved the joke, and the hug felt really good too.
Thanks again, guys!
I really meant Beelzebubba, not Beelzwbubba.
sigh
And I was doing so well too…
{{{{{{{{{{{{TruePisces}}}}}}}}}}}}}
Sorry, no jokes…coming back up from a very bad week myself…
Hey, my favorite poster’s back from vacation! (How was it, by the way? Where’d you go? You never said.) Well, gosh, TP, far be it from me to fail to respond to a plea from you for cheering up (even though you sound a bit better). I was going to vote for you in the “Sexiest Doperchick” thread, but before I could get in, it kind of dissolved into a battle between “anti-popularity contest” people and “if you don’t like it, don’t read it” people, so I decided not to. However, you’d still be on my list. And stop saying “I don’t deserve to be included in a list with [insert other female Dopers here].” 'Tisn’t true, my dear.
Anyhoo, hope you’re feeling better soon (or already, whichever). And here’s my favorite dumb joke:
What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back?
A stick!!
Have a nice day. (meant non-ironically)
A frog hops into the bank carrying a ceramic duck. He hops over to the loan officer’s desk and takes a seat.
“I’d like to take out a loan for $1000.” says the frog.
“Well, ok. I’m Patricia Wac, the loan officer. And you are?”
“My name is Freddy Jagger.”
“OK Mr. Jagger. What do you have for collateral?”
“Just this.” He croaks, showing her the duck.
“Well,” she says, getting up “I need to ask my manager.”
She walks over, describes the situation to her boss, and he comes back to take a look for himself.
“May I see the duck?” he says to Freddy. Freddy hands it to him. The bank manager scrutinizes the duck and then hands it back, saying to the loan officer,
[dramatic pause]
“It’s a knick-nack, Patty Wac. Give the frog a loan. His old man’s a rolling stone.”
Hope you feel better, True Pisces
{{{{{{{{TruePisces}}}}}}}}}}}
OK, Risque Joke Alert:
Q: What do you get if you cross a rooster with a jar of peanut butter?
A: A cock that sticks to the roof of your mouth.
{{TruePisces}} hope you’re feeling better now
{{TroubleAgain}} I hope he went peacefully. My sympathy.
TroubleAgain - {{{Rhonda}}} The hugs are enough, hon. And more than welcome. You have my cell & my work # if you need an ear.
LindyHopper - Thank you for the welcome back! I just went up to Tampa to meet and spend some time with lurker I’ve actually been back for about a week, but I was house sitting at my brother’s, and he has a very old machine. Not very reliable for getting online. The joke and the potential vote are both very appreciated. It was nice to see my name even mentioned, but nicer still to know someone would actually vote for me. And as far as not being deserving… for that, we shall have to agree to disagree.
Tommy the Cat - I’d seen it before, but it makes me laugh every time! Thank you!!!
TPWombat - Now that’s my kind of joke! Time to amaze my co-workers again…
lurker - Much, and thank you. I’m off the clock right now, so don’t worry. (And thank you for introducing me here. You were right.)
You are all awesome!
Another day, hopefully better than the last…
Hope you really enjoy your day!!
Hey TP,
{{{{{{TruePisces}}}}}}
Hugs galore for a really nice person.
All my jokes are either very bad or very long so I’ll spare you both indignities. Just remember that life throws you lots of curve balls but oyu have to keep stepping up to the plate.
And if you’re not a baseball fan: Keep with it through the bumps - the highs are mroe than worth it.
{{{{TP}}}}
Thanks, lurker and TP. Actually, he DIDN’T go…yet. He’s very stubborn that way. Doctors says 24-72 hours on Tuesday and he’s still kicking. They are going to move him to a hospice facility very soon. Mom and her other two brothers have already made funeral and burial arrangements and discussed what he wanted to do with his insurance policy money and personal property.
Just so you all know, this is the results of end-stage alcoholism. He will be 55 in August if he makes it, which I doubt. His liver has failed, his kidneys aren’t great and heart and lungs aren’t so great, either. What makes it sadder is he is the biological father of my 5-year-old foster sister, who will never get to see him again. (She knows him as “Big Daddy” and my mom and stepdad are Mama and Daddy.)
Okay, 'nuff sad stuff.
Here’s a joke for you in the spirit of spring and all that:
Knock-knock.
Who’s there?
Ether.
Ether who?
Ether bunny.
Knock-knock.
Who’s there?
Cargo.
Cargo who?
Cargo beep-beep and run over ether bunny.
Knock-knock.
Who’s there?
Stella.
Stella who?
Stella nother ether bunny.
Knock-knock.
Who’s there?
Cargo.
Cargo who?
Cargo beep-beep and run over ether bunny.
Knock-knock.
Who’s there?
Stella.
Stella who?
Stella nother ether bunny.
(Repeat ad nauseum)
Knock-knock.
Who’s there?
Consumption.
Consumption who?
Consumption be done about all these ether bunnies?
I belive these days that posting on the boards is the equivalent of a formal introduction (in the words of the old punchline), so allow me
{{{{TruePisces}}}
Having been married twice (widowed once) to ladies with bipolar tendencies, I have been told that I’m comforting to have around, so consider me available for support as needed.
TruePisces… HUGGLES
and some hot coco and a nice long bath. anything else I can do, tell me.
I just need to continue to thank everyone for helping to pull me back up!
Watermelon Man - Today has been much better, thank you! (Of course, it would be much better were it Friday! )
dpr - I’m being turned into at least a baseball watcher, if not a fan. Thank you for the hugs and the encouraging words.
TA - Another big {{{HUG}}} I’ve been through it myself with my grandfather, so I can say I know what you’re going through and it isn’t easy. So just ask for the cyber hugs whenever you need them, and if you need the real ones, Lakeland’s not that far of a drive… I’ll come out and give you as many as you need there, too.
And as for the joke… groan I loved it!
Hometownboy - Hugs are always welcome, whether we’ve been formally introduced or not. I appreciate the support offer. You may find an e-mail in your mail box one day…
Medea’s Child - Those are most welcome. Unless you have a good book you can lend me to read in the long bath? HUGS