Truly disgusting things...

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

That you find when you clean your bathroom after an ::Ahem:: extended period of time. Woah, if ever there was a need for a Lysol personal disinfectant, it was this afternoon.

I was just sitting on the couch today, minding my own business when I was gripped by the compulsion to clean my bathroom. I’m not sure why…maybe it’s the 2 years of collecting flora and fauna in there. Maybe it’s the scared looks on my visitors faces when they depart the head.

So I went in, and I conquered–Vini, Vidi, Oh my dear lord…

What an undertaking. A few observations I thought I should bring up:

1- THere’s chrome on Sink fixtures! You’d never know it by looking at it before, but I’m sure of it now!

2- One attack of Shower power or it’s cousin products isn’t enough to take care of caked soapscum.

3- Spiders! AcK!! No worries though, squirt the lil bastidges with shower power…they die an agonizing death.

4- 2 year old pornography that you stopped looking at 1 1/2 years ago should be tossed out, along with Car Audio&Electronics 1998 manufacturer’s listing, Worth magazine from the turn of this century, old Postal flyers, and the occasional toilet-paper tube.

5- Never let it happen again! I’m still not sure if this means not to let it get that nasty, or not to clean it again.

Oh, almost forgot…

6- Leave the 3 year-old beer bottle labels stuck to the mirror, they’ll surely make a mess if you disturb them.

So, that’s Sam’s adventure into domestications. Now it’s time to clean the rest of this GaWdAwful bachelor-pad from hell(I don’t get any holdiay this year, so I’ll surely have the time whilst everyone is out enjoying their weekends).

Oh, and if ever there was a time to find a girlfriend, it’s now, while the head is STILL clean :smiley:

-Sam

2

Congrats gawd. Go get yourself a girlfriend this second. Impress her with your manly cleaning skills, yet delicate sensibillities. Go run free.

3

Next time in IRC you need to change your name, so we can all see this:

GaWd is now known as oldrtybastd

Heh!
PS - If I didn’t have a girlfriend, my bathroom would be a wasteland of hair, dirt, dust, crumbs and other things, and probably a few small woodland creatures, so I feel you man.

4

Santi, is that because she cleans the bathroom, or because she’d whoop your ass if you were such a slob?

-Sam

5

Lexicon sez:

Run like hell before he puts a finger up there!

6

GaWd: Both. She only makes me clean the toilet. But if I don’t take pains to make it easier on her to clean the rest, I really will take pains. Relax, ladies. She does this of her own free will. I am not some tyrant boyfriend. We both know who “wears the pants”: she does. If she said “Clean the bathroom, bitch.” my only response would be “Yes ma’am!” I am sooooo pussy whipped, oh well. :smiley:

Mr. C: You know you like it, just admit it… :wink:

7

You’ve inspired me to do battle with my own bathroom. I don’t have the porn or car mags lying around but there’s enough issues of Blood-Horse to make it dangerous to get to the toilet.

<brachy begins her chants of blessed be the rubber-gloved>
lol, Mr. Cynical.

8

When my husband and I were first dating, I was at his apartment for the first time and planned on…::ahem::- “staying over” (wink, wink- nudge, nudge). Imagine my horror at visting the bathroom.

There was soap scum older then I was, orange slimy stuff, pools of different colored goo, and live creatures in the toilet.

I was so completely grossed out that I made him go to the store, buy a scrub brush and cleaner and scour it right then and there. I guess he must have really wanted to get laid, 'cause he rushed right out and scrubbed like a mad-man.

That’s the last time I ever saw him clean. I shoulda taken a picture!

Zette

9

GaWd has, once again, touched the lives of some of the closest people to him. Praise the LaWd! HalleJewya!

Really though, I think the thing that bothered me the most about all of my pubs on the floor was when I stepped on a pile the other day and started to skid across the linoleum like a dog running at a gallop and trying to stop on wet Linoleum! It was a hoot, I tell ya. :smiley:

Mr.C-- you should be ashamed you dirty little man. :slight_smile:

-Sam

10

My husband used to hire a slacker who ran a haphazard cleaning business. He would let the bathroom get to just this side of unliveable, and give her a call.

Here’s something interesting, she told him that one guy offered her an extra $100 to clean in the nude while he watched. She was like, sure.

Something to think about the next time the pee stains around the commode start crystalizing…

11

Oh yeah, I’ve been thinking about getting a maid, but this sorry excuse for housing is always so messy and I want to avoid paying $300 in startup cleaning costs.

We’re actually thinking of trying to find a topless service. Only problem is that we’d have to be around to enjoy it, and we’d only be in the way oggling her breastissis…trouble, I tell you.

**

I don’t wanna hear any more about crystallizing urine stains. <YaK>

-Sam

12

I am soooo inspired!

::: starts warm-up exercises :::

And a-one, a-two… scrub that toilet!

Three, four… blast off that soap scum!

Five, six… shine that chrome!

::: cool down time :::

Wipe off those shelves!
Arrange those 60 bottles of girl-stuff!

::: collapse in chair, with a beer :::

Hey, *that’s all the work you’re getting out of me this weekend *.

13

Hey Javamaven…

Cook me up a Tripper, and I’ll do anything for you :slight_smile:

-Sam

14

Thanks, GaWd, for the best laugh I’ve had in days. I’m referring of course to your Wile E. Coyote spinning-legs image, skating across your infested bathroom.

There’s a very simple solution, folks. Buy a dog.

True fact; pop the woofer in the tub once a week; said woofer cowers and assumes the beaten mien of an abused animal–the hops out and shakes enough water to float a battleship all over the bathroom.

Woofer happily prances off, clean and silky; you scrub down every surface out of necessity. Then climb into the shower yourself, wearing your clothes (I opt for minimal covering, and no, I won’t describe), then you’re neatly forced to do laundry, too.

Tips Martha Stewart will never tell you.

Veb
P.S. Clorox Clean-up, and CLR; they are wonderful.

15

The worst bathroom cleanup experience I have ever had was after a toilet overflow. There were little turdettes all over the floor sand the sides of the toilet. The worst part of the whole ordeal is that our heating vents are in the floor. Some of that nasty water went into the ducts and the whole house stank for 3 days.

16

Aiight Blackwell, my story as nasty…but not that nasty. Christalmighty…

TV, thank you for a very healthy dose of the chuckles with the “woofer” theory. For a moment, I was worried about you throwing your speakers in the shower…
Maybe you can share your hair-unclogging methods with us?
:smiley:

-Sam

17

You mean you aren’t supposed to clean electronic equipment that way!? Dang, no wonder the sound quality is so poor…

Oh, honey, if you’re doing triple lutzes on the pubes on the floor, you really aren’t ready for drains! But when you are…pull out that little chrome stopper mechanism. Have a tissue clutched firmly in your non dominant hand. Close your eyes! Muck off the accumulated crud and promptly stuff the tissue into the trash can.

NOW you can open your eyes. Put the stopper thingy back in and dump down a honkin’ dose of Drano, LiquidPlummer, etc.

Walk away. Don’t look back. Occupy yourself elsewhere. In the fullness of time, g’head and run some water. YES! It goes down the drain, rather than lapping around your ankles! Forget dogs; humans shed something fierce!

Sam, sweetie, we’ve met your mom! She raised you better than this! And listen to Zette, Shayna, etc.! Wimmins really, honestly don’t get into a sexual lather and nesting frenzy over encrusted bathrooms!

Veb

18

TVeblen, See, I wasn’t hoping to get the girls into a lather over this. I was hoping that the girls could see that I’m working to make changes to my otherwise bachelor life.

I was also just trying to come clean so they weren’t surprised when they fell in love with me :smiley:

-Sam

19

mblackwell said:

Is it just me, or does “The Turdettes” sound like an all-female punk band? (The Turdettes, opening for The Sniveling Shits.)

Besides, if you mean by turdette “broken chunks of turd,” I believe the correct literary term is “turdberg.” See? There wereworese things that could have happened to the Titanic.

(Aren’t you guys glad I come in and tell you these things?)