What’s your definition of a person who “tries too hard” in social situations?
Do you have any examples?
What is it about these types of people that makes others so uncomfortable?
They, uh, try too hard?
I think the other part is that what they say/do isn’t funny/entertaining/appropriate.
Even at that, it’s their inability to figure out the other person is no longer interested, then not doing something to rais their interest or let them move on to the next person/people at the function.
I guess it just depends on the person. Personally, I’m flattered by people who bend over backwards to try and please me. It does get old after a while. Nevertheless, I would choose someone who tries too hard over many other obnoxious types of people.
I just want to make sure, that I’m not that person who tries too hard!
I’ve met people who try too hard to be something they are not. For example, being really arty and clever, when it is obvious they are not or one guy I used to know, always referred to himself as ‘wacky’, but in my opinion was quite conservative. I think it is often fear of not being accepted for being themselves and desparately wanting to be accepted by others or not really liking themselves.
I think **MelCtheFirst ** is pretty dead on. A variation on trying to seem just generally desirable in some way is trying too hard to fit in. If everyone in the crowd is talking about how much they love NASCAR and even though Troy Trier has no clue about NASCAR, he starts going on about how he was almost going to be a NASCAR driver except he became a librarian instead, that’s pretty lame. Or the girl who doesn’t like football but is dating a jock type so pretends to be interested in football. “Oooh! Yes, I never miss a game! Are the Jackals in town or away this weekend hee hee hee ??”
Conversations have a natural rhythm, when they work. Tones rise and fall; sentences speed up and slow down; words fall over each other, but sometimes there’s silence. When you’re nervous, you try to force the conversational rhythm. You don’t permit the silences, or you force the jokes, or you laugh at something that really isn’t funny. That’s when you try too hard. Lord knows I’ve done that, but not, I hope, on a consistent basis. But that’s how I think of someone who tries too hard – a person who either doesn’t feel the rhythm, or who is too nervous to let the conversation play out naturally.
Sometimes, it’s almost as if you can see the little wheels in their heads turning as they try and figure out their next move. There’s a natural lull in the conversation, or an awkward one even, and you get the sense that mentally they’re going back to their carefully composed conversational checklist to bring up the next item.
For most of us, conversations and/or relationships aren’t that much hard work. There are certainly specific instances where they might be, but not generally speaking. With those poor folks who try too hard, however, every relationship and conversation is difficult and requires intense concentration.
Oh crikey… I did this just the other day (on a kind of “date”). I was nervous. I knew I was doing it too, just didn’t know how to stop myself. I hate dating! Why can’t people just skip all the awkward stuff & get straight to the good part?
Forced familiarity is how I would define it. If you come on like gangbusters trying to be instant best buddies, it’s a turn-off.
I think the biggest one is overplaying your part in a conversation, having to be the center of conversation all the time. Like I know this guy who can’t just let other people talk for two minutes without cutting in. He also has a very loud, booming voice with no sense of inflection (I think he’s borderline Asperger’s), so you have no choice but to listen to him. A good conversationalist will let everyone have their turn and try not to speak louder than other people.
Another thing is making every subject about you (sort of the converse of the NASCAR example, which I agree is also trying too hard, though I have feigned interest in things once or twice to be accepted). Like again, this guy I know turns every subject around and makes it about him. I was at a writer’s conference recently along with him and several other of my writing friends, and whatever we talked about, he somehow found a way to pop in a reference to his own book. Like we were talking about dreams and how we’ve put things from our dreams in our stories, and he butted in and said “well, I’ve never done that because I don’t remember my dreams, but let me tell you about this new story I’m writing…” Not cool, Zeus.
It’s funny, isn’t it? Once you start trying too hard, you almost can’t stop yourself. You start trying harder more, in the hope of finding the rhythm. But it never, ever works, and then you start feeling like a dork because you know you’re trying too hard, but you can’t stop.
Yeah, dating sucks.
That would be the bit after all of the awkward, not-sure-if-I-should-touch-her-breast-yet stuff to just right before the “Do you want to meet my parents” moment, right? It’s been a while, and I’ve kind of forgotten. :o
I don’t know if this qualifies as “trying too hard”, but when I find a topic of conversation that is something I can discuss knowledgeably and that the individual in question seems to have some interest in, I make the mistake of assuming that they know as much as I do about it and/or want to learn everything I know about it. So I end up asking questions they can’t answer or delivering a monologue on the topic that bores them to death. I have no problems with silences in a conversation but they seem to make other people very nervous, so I do the Dale Carnegie thing and ask them about themselves…which ends up coming off like a job interview. :dubious:
Dating does just suck, it shears, rips, and rends atom from atom.
Stranger
That should be:
Dating does**'nt** just suck, it shears, rips, and rends atom from atom.
Stranger