here’s an thought have you tried looking dor the Special Olympics org in your area? i did that for a couple of years my mom did it until she couldn’t physically anymore
Similar to others, I was gangly, uncoordinated, and picked-on/bullied-down in team sports and group physical settings. Hated PE with a passion. In “later” life I found solo or one-on-one sports to be in my comfort zone that allowed me to experiment and progress without the dread and crushing of self-esteem from being picked last or excluded during team play.
Archery, badminton, pickleball, tennis, martial arts became my eventual favorites and over my younger years became quite skilled at them, managing to get to the college tennis team level.
Christ. This is really fucking me up. That’s so fucked up.
It rang awfully true, didn’t it?
My parents both lived through the Depression as kids and WWII as teenagers. They used that perspective different ways under different circumstances. When times were good, they claimed to have had a great time living on less, having fun without TV or video games, and pulling together as a family/school/community. When times were bad, though, they used their experiences as a weapon. “Well, we didn’t have this, that or the other, and we didn’t complain!” Right, but the Depression and WWII were not your parents’ choice; they weren’t trying to teach you a lesson. And you said everybody worked together, like a team, not two against one like you guys are doing to me.
ETA: And I thought then and still do that the reason for the “You’re a boy!” harassment, as opposed to some other focus, was the simple fact that I was starting to get boobs, and almost all of them were still flat as boards. (Yes, age 10, I wore a bra. It’s hereditary; almost all the women on my dad’s side are/were well-endowed.)
This is a good suggestion, club activities more in keeping with the child’s interests/abilities that still provides social learning opportunities.
If the student is connected to the basketball team, maybe having him take an assistant manager/stats keeper role might be more suitable.
Great idea!
I’m not sure what to think about the SDMB having seemingly more than its share of people picked last to be on the team, including me. My complete lack of coordination and a poorly diagnosed minor neurological condition doomed me. I didn’t particularly mind being picked last because it was a completely rational choice by the pickers. My classmates were actually pretty cool about it and cheered me on when I occasionally made a good play purely by chance.
I would really love to have been born with at least a moderate amount of athletic ability. It would have been fun to meaningfully participate. I won’t even play ping pong or billiards now. I simply can’t do it. Trying to explain to athletic people that I won’t ever be able to hit a golf ball consistently or learn to ski and nowadays pickleball is frustrating as fuck. They just can’t conceive of it.
I applaud @msmith537 's concern and efforts. It comes from the right place.
he h I have no sense of balance and when I tried to learn how to ride a bike I was so banged up that social service politely requested I give up the endeavor
Apropos of nothing …
I attended a summer basketball camp, as a kid. It was run by a former college/pro ball coach and a former NBA player.
I received the award for “Most effort with least improvement.”
Yep. “Everybody gets a trophy” isn’t entirely new 
Submitted without comment:
Participation trophies are great! Effort trophies are great!
The kids who turn up and do well through natural ability don’t need encouragement. They sink baskets, score goals, make catches, hit the high notes, break the board, get strikes. That’s a dopamine hit right there. Every week tehy get recognition because every week they do the thing that makes people go “yay!”.
Give me the kids who can’t throw for toffee but turn up every week with a smile on their face. The ones who miss and miss and miss and miss and miss and hit and miss and miss and miss and hit and miss and miss and hit and gradually make painstaking improvements. The ones who never improve but love the game and cheer on the talented kids without a hint of resentment. This is what deserves a trophy.
My ex presented me with that award in bed one night. 
So … neither of us had a decent layup.
I’ll see myself out.
I have Asperger’s, but I was also a very physical kid, I loved riding my bike fast and recklessly, climbing things and jumping off of them, and I was also a troublemaker. When I was 9 years old and was formally given the diagnosis of Aspergers - after being shuffled to an array of pediatric psychologists, which was a very disconcerting experience - my takeaway amounted to “I’m officially fucked up, so I might as well act as fucked up as I want because I have an excuse now.” I don’t know if I could have articulated it in so many words, but I felt both ashamed to have a “disorder” and also liberated to have an “excuse.” My bad behavior rapidly escalated. The chip on my shoulder grew, I started physically lashing out at other kids at school and brazenly breaking rules.
I had never been interested in sports, because rules. But my best friend played peewee hockey, and made it sound awesome (“you can hit people and smash them against the wall!”) so I joined the youth hockey team. This turned out to be an ideal outlet for my physicality and energy. I was not a great asset to the team in terms of strategic playing, and my understanding of the rules was very minimal. I played left wing - the best position as far as I was concerned, since it allowed plenty of opportunities to introduce my opponents to the boards.
I had no interest in any other sports though and any time I had to play them - in gym class, at camp, wherever - I’d stand around doing the absolute bare minimum of effort.
I don’t know. Probably depends on the kid.
I got an award in summer camp as “most improved” in swimming. I took that to mean “We finally got her to put her head underwater! Took her most of the summer to do what everybody else could already do when they got here, or if not learned in two days!” I felt massively embarrassed and somewhat insulted. I knew damn well I was still the worst swimmer in the class; and although it may well have been true that I was also the most improved, it felt to me like I’d been very publicly handed a booby prize.
(I did enjoy swimming a good deal after that. Just not in a formal swimming class; I never wanted to do that again if I could help it.)
And plenty of kids who do participate and put in effort think that their participation awards are rendered meaningless by the fact that they are also given to those who merely showed up and didn’t participate or make any effort. ( Not saying it happens in every case, but I’ve seen it)
Ugh. My mom was one of those “endured life, not enjoyed it” types. And because people tend to marry their mother, my wife turned the same way as soon as we had kids. And now I have to “endure” our marriage as our kids have to endure her parenting.
I can’t speak for your experience, but I think it comes from being raised in an economically unstable environment with dysfunctional parents. Anything broke in my wife’s house growing up and her parents didn’t have the wherewithal to fix it nor were they able to find or afford honest reliable help to fix it. So everything was always one mistake away from a door that never closed right again or a appliance they was now unusable.
I think it’s like, their life growing up kind of sucks but they see this path with school or sports scholarships or whatever leading to the right schools and a job at the right company where if you do everything perfectly you’ll get promoted to a level where you can live the life you want. Except you can’t because you are so terrified of making a mistake or taking your foot off the gas you will end up back in Loserville. So everything is viewed as an obstacle to “gut it out” to reach your goal.
I have perhaps a more creative and entrepreneurial mind set where you build up some core skills, and key interests and focus on making a success through stuff you enjoy and have aptitude for.
Like I’d rather have my son figure out something he enjoys and work that into a career, rather than get hired at some generic corporate job by “Jared from lacrosse”.
Ugh. That hits home.
I was at my Pilates class today and was reminded of this thread. The instructor would tell me to change my position in a certain way and even pose herself in that exact position and it’s super difficult for me to translate that into moving my body to match. I have been taking Pilates from the same instructor for over two years (and we have become good friends) so she knows that she needs to be super patient with me and has become better at explaining it in a way that I can kind of get.
Which reminds me that my mom never learned to ride a bike and tried to convince me I wouldn’t be able to either. I did learn, and I didn’t find it that hard.