With Apologies to Clement Clarke Moore
[sup](or possibly Henry Livingston)[/sup]
'Twas the time before Christmas, on the board - not a soul.
Not a Doper was lurking, not even a troll.
The stickys were hung on the forums with care,
In hopes that the newbies become more aware.
The mods were all nestled all snug in their threads,
While visions of “Goatse” messed with their heads.
So I logged on to Straight Dope, and I in my shorts,
Had just settled down seeking witty retorts.
When out of the pages the silence was shattered.
I sprang to the boards to share something that mattered.
Away to the forums I flew like a deer,
And started a new thread, then opened a beer.
“The folks on this board are the best ~ that I know,
My posts are too meager, my wisdom is low.”
Then thinking my lame post shan’t even be read,
A user named Cecil replied to my thread.
Amazed, my jaw dropped ~ head nearly imploded,
I thought for a moment that I must be loaded.
More rapid than eagles, in crisis he came,
Cecil smiled and posted, and called me by name.
“Now meek, let’s make it perfectly clear,
Your thread won’t be scorned by the folks around here.
To the top of the page! This thread cannot fall!
Now post away! Post away! Post away all!”
Now posts in this thread like a hurricane fly,
When told to by Cecil in an epic reply.
So up to the page-top, the greetings they flew,
With the thread full of joy and a **Cecil **post too.
And then, in a twinkling, I was not such a goof,
With the presence of Cecil in my little spoof.
As I typed out my post, and was hitting review,
Again posted Cecil and the lunacy grew.
He said , “I just wanted to thank all the Mods,
For they are such extraordinary squads.”
Like a bundle of toys, his posts we’d ingest.
Said I, “We all know that these Mods are the best.”
His posts - how they sparkled, his demeanor was merry.
His words were like roses, while my posts, the contrary.
His droll sense of humor, his wit apropos,
Was there any answer this dude didn’t know?
The words of the master held tight my belief,
His knowledge encircles my head like a wreath.
My heart filled with warmth, and more beers in my belly,
(It now shakes when I laugh, like a bowl full of jelly!)
That post is now printed, it’s framed on my shelf,
And I laugh when I read it, in spite of myself!
With a wink of his eye, and a post in my thread,
And I’m positive now that I have nothing to dread.
He typed his reply and went back his work,
Reminding all dopers, “Please don’t be a jerk.”
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod said, “Thanks meek for the prose!”
He sprang up like a sock, then as quick as a whistle,
Was off with the wind, like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, as he bid “Adios!”,
“Happy Christmas to all, and my gift was this post!”