And for the record, “Walkin’ Round in Women’s Underwear” is from the second album; “The Restroom Door Said Gentlemen” is also from this series, on the original album. Not to mention many other funny, funny bits. 
Bob Rivers Twisted Tunes Vault
Plan on spending some time there! CD’s available for sale online.
Can’t believe I’m the first to mention “Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer”
Here’s a little ditty I wrote last year:
I’m dreaming of a Green Christmas
Unlike the ones I used to know
When the roads are icy,
And driving’s dicey
With yards of dirty piled snow
I’m dreaming of a Green Christmas
With every Christmas dish I clean
May your meals be yummy and lean
And may all your Christmases be green
In high school, a friend and I came up with pieces of Christmas songs:
“Here comes Santa Claus, here comes Santa Claus right down Mommy’s leg”
“Jingle Balls”
And a few others I can’t recall right now.
I have all the Bob Rivers Twisted Christmas CDs. They are an absolute RIOT!
Don’t forget the Dysfunctional Family Christmas Carols (or something to that sort) on SNL!
(Carol of the Bells)
Leave me alone
Just go away
I’m doing fine
I’ll be ok…
siiiigh…we sing that every year…
Dog tags ring, are ya listenin’?
In the lane, snow is glistenin’
It’s yellow not white
I’ve been here tonight
Markin up my winter wonderland
Smell that tree? That’s my fragrance
It’s a sign, to wandering vagrants
Stay off where I pee, it’s my property
Marked out as my winter wonderland.
In the meadow Dad will build a snowman
Following the classical design
Then I’ll lift my leg and let it go man
So all the world will know it’s mine, mine, mine!
Straight from me, to the fencepost
Flows my naturally incense boast
Stay off of my turf
This small piece of earth
Is marked out as my winter wonderland.
Oh, hey, my favorite non-Christmas BR song is on there: “What if God Smoked Canibus?” The girl singing sounds so much like Joan Osborne that it’s scary.
I found the brains of Santa Claus
Underneath my bed
I found them in a pickle jar
I hope he isn’t dead
They smell like dried-up tuna
They look more green than red
Oh, I found the brains of Santa Claus
I hope he isn’t dead
I heard that one on the Doctor Demento show years and years ago and it comes back t me every Christmas. Can’t remember who sang it.
Jingle Bells;
Santa smells;
Easter’s on its way.
Oh what fun;
it is to ride;
in a beat up Chevrolet…
Bob Rivers again…
I came upon a roadkill deer…
to the tune of “It came upon a midnight clear”.
Totally tasteless… yet hilarious!
Bob Rivers has a better one (see above) - “Osama Got Run Over by a Reindeer”…
(or non-Christmas, try “Bin Laden & the Jets”)
Shoveling the snow
In a tired sort of way
Down the drive I go
Scowling all the way
steel on asphalt rings
My back is giving out
it ain’t no fun to push this thing
through the muddy slush about
Oh,
Shovel ice
Shovel snow
Shovel all the day
It’s no fun to clear the drive
just to go to work today
Oh,
shovel here,
shovel there,
Until your dying day,
I’m just a guy who’s from the South
What’s this white crap, anyway?
My group of Jewish friends would sing this one in our High School days. To the tune of Jingle Bells.
Standing in the snow
Shotgun at my eye
Hoping that, you know
Santa will fly by
Bang, bang bang!
He’s above the clouds
pieces falling through
Geuss what we will eat tonight
Hot, fresh reindeer stew
Oh, Santa’s dead, Santa’s dead
I am filled with joy
with my shotgun I have killed
that fat fuck, asshole goy
Haj
There was a classic from my high school days, The Night Before Christmas. I forgot some of the lines, let’s hope someone can fill it in.
'Twas the night before Christmas
And all through the shack
The whole damn family was drunk off its ass
Grandma and Grandpa were singing a song
The kid was in bed, flogging his dong
Ma, home from the cathouse and I out of jail
Had just settled down for a good piece of tail
When out in the yard there arose such a clatter
I jumped off of ma to see what was the matter
Away to the window I flew like a flash
Threw open the window and fell on my ass
And what to my bloodshot eyes should appear
But a rusty old sleigh and a dozen reindeer
With a little old driver holding on to his dick
I knew in a moment the bastard was St Nick
Slower than snails his charges they came
He bitched and he moaned as he called them by name
"On Comet, on Cupid, up over the walls!
“Quick, now dammit, or I’ll cut off your balls!”
…
I heard him exclaim as he drove out of sight,
“PISS ON YOU ALL; IT’S A HELL OF A NIGHT!”
Anyone?
Bob Rivers has been a radio icon here in the Seattle area for years, first at KISW now at KZOK. I still have a huge collection of his songs I recorded off the radio. Besides the twisted tunes, check out his Bob’s Garage CD. Big name bands recorded in his garage. Excellent CD.
To the tune of the absolutely hideous “Jingle Bell Rock”
Don’t wanna post the rest, because I don’t know if it’s copyrighted, and I don’t know where to link to the lyrics, as I downloaded it from… I mean I obtained a legal copy from a friend of mine <cough> but at any rate, does anyone know where this is from? I’d really like to know who this twisted bastard is.
We actually sang this one, in four-part harmony, in choir at the American Conservatory of Music. Lyrics “by P.D.Q. Bach, reverently edited by Peter Schickele;” I’ll only post the first verse.
O little town of Hackensack
How still we hear thee snore,
The snowdeck’d streets that reindeer feets
Will soon be prancing o’er.
Thy winsome children wond’ring if old Santa Claus will show;
They need not fear;
methinks I hear,
methinks I hear
His endless Ho, Ho, Ho.
Can’t believe no one’s mentioned the Weird Al christmas tunes yet!
My favourite is The Night Santa Went Crazy
The first verse and chorus:
Down in the workshop all the elves were makin’ toys
For the good Gentile girls and the good Gentile boys
When the boss busted in, nearly scared 'em half to death
Had a rifle in his hands and cheap whiskey on his breath
From his beard to his boots he was covered with ammo
Like a big fat drunk disgruntled Yuletide Rambo
And he smiled as he said with a twinkle in his eye,
“Merry Christmas to all - now you’re all gonna die!”
The night Santa went crazy
The night St. Nick went insane
Realized he’d been gettin’ a raw deal
Something finally must have snapped in his brain
And there’s also this version : The Night Santa Went Crazy (Extra Gory Version)
Another Weird Al Christmas tune is Christmas at Ground Zero
(C’mon! You can’t leave it at one stanza.)
Don’t we know archaic barrel
Lullaby Lilla Boy, Louisville, Lou.
Trolley Molly don’t love Harold,
Boola boola Pensacoola, Hullabalou.
Jack Frost roasting on an open fire…
Chestnuts nipping at King Kong.
Hallucinations being seen by our choir
We’ve been out in the cold too long.