Twisted horoscopes

Okay, I don’t know if this is a breech of etiquette on the SDMB, but I think the title of a previous thread (which has a link below) is misleading. It’s not really horoscopes. It’s a spoof, inspired by The Onion’s horoscopes. Sorry it had to come to this, but I spent two hours not working today just to come up with these, so I must direct you to them.

Pleeease, I neeeeed acknowledgement. Tell me they suck, if you will, but tell me something.
Twisted horoscopes

I think you are on the right track…maybe more future-tense is needed?

Now stand still while I mark your life with my parking validation stamp.