My next door neighbor’s 28-year-old daughter was killed yesterday when a truck ran a red light and slammed into her car. Because the funeral is tomorrow (Thursday), he won’t be expected back at work until Monday. So he has Friday, Saturday and Sunday to “get over” the death of his only child.
If the funeral had been on a Tuesday, he’d have been back at his desk on Friday.
What is the policy at your company for the death of an immediate family member?
So sorry to hear about your neighbor’s loss 
Well, my company gives 3 days. What do you think companies should give?
We get four days off for a father, mother, brother, sister, child, husband or wife.
For any other relative you get no days off. Unless you have proof that that person lived in the same house with you at the time of death, then you get the standard four days.
I don’t know about the policies at my new job, but at AT&T I got 3 days off for the death of my grandfather. Immediate family members or members of your household for 5 years or more got 5 days.
I get to use three days of sick leave (on my last job I got four days of bereavement leave). But on neither job did I have to be back at work after the three or four days was up. I would just have to take vacation days or not get paid for the days I missed.
At my last job, there was three days paid leave, and for immediate family members – spouses, parents and children – almost unlimited unpaid leave. Well, within reason. Most people returned to work in a few weeks.
Some folks were stressed enough to require a doctor’s care, and they stayed out longer, under our Sickness & Accident program.
Some took more time off under FMLA, either because they were incapacitated, or they were caring for a family member (like your neighbor’s wife) who was incapacitated.
Not in the OP, but emotional turmoil/mental strain can be covered under FMLA. The regs are complicated. I think there needs to be incapacity of more than three days. Incapacity can mean hospitalization or (IIRC) having to take prescribed medicine.
If your neighbor isn’t comfortable returning to work and if his employer falls under FMLA guidelines, it might be worth looking into. Is he a union member? They’d help him determine his rights.
That’s definitely not enough time, in my opinion. We’ve had employees who never did make it back to work after losing a child.
Because I am a Professional, I get effectively “unlimited” paid time off, which equates in practice to about 2 weeks before people start to grumble. If I was support staff like an admin assistant or something, I would get 2 days off with pay, but could take “unlimited” time off without pay - which equates to about a month or two.
Having very recently had a close family Member die, my experience was to take no time off, and to skip the funeral. In all and complete seriousness, work helped greatly to distract me from pondering on the yawning abyss of endless eternal oblivion that awaits us all.
When my dad died, the company I worked for gave me all the time I needed – but unpaid, since I had just started working there and was still in my 90-day probationary period. They didn’t hold it against me, however, and I was able to take nearly three weeks off without any consequences (except no pay!)(and the reason I needed so much time was because I had to travel cross-country and help my mom out quite a bit). The standard bereavement leave there, however, was three paid days, which is pretty standard in the business world. That’s what Papa Tiger’s company gives.
I have a friend whose 23-year-old son died suddenly several years ago of a previously undiagnosed heart ailment, and she ended up having to take a lot of time from work. But fortunately, her employer was very understanding and let her take the time she needed to get over it.
Of course, Papa Tiger was in the military some years back when his grandfather died and wasn’t granted leave to attend his funeral; only parents, siblings, and children counted as immediate family, I guess, even though his grandfather lived with them. I sure hope they don’t do that to my son, who’s going into the Air Force soon; his 102-year-old great-grandmother, who he’s always been very close to, is not doing well, and I’d hate for him to have to miss her funeral.
Industry standard in my job…take all the time you need. You won’t be paid, but somebody will take up the slack.
When my Dad died, i worked up to the day of the funeral, took that day off and was back the next day. I was the only designer, and had no back-up available, os I was sorking for a jerk who alienated everybody around that WOULD have helped me out, had I been working for anybody else.
I also did all his funeral work (casket piece and other family flowers) myself.
Most people not as jerky as that guy will give a week off, paid, though, and as much time as needed, even if it’s come in a couple hours a day until you can’t stand it any more, and leave early. Working, even peripherally by doing the flowers, with death makes it easier for me, and for most people. When you live with the awareness of death on a daily basis, it isn’t such a jolt.
Days off? What are you guys, a bunch of socialists?? Get back to work! 
At my job I’d get no paid leave at all, but I’m sure as much unpaid leave as I need; a coworker’s father passed away and she was out for over a week, and we just all covered her shifts as best as we could.
BTW, what do you say to someone you’re not really close to, but whom you’ve known for awhile, when something like this happens? This coworker of mine was not a close friend or anything, but we’d hang out occasionally after work…and I had no idea what to say to her when she came back. No close family/friend of mine has passed away, so I couldn’t really put myself in her shoes…and anyway everybody deals with things differently…
I didn’t know whether to get her a card, or to tell her she had my sympathies, or to just ignore it unless she mentioned it first…
Sorry for the hijack. I just remember feeling intensely awkward, and wishing I knew what to say or not to say when she came back to work.
My last place of employment would give you three days for the death of a family member. After that point you’d either have to take a leave of absence or use vacation time. I don’t think it is an entirely unreasonable policy.
Marc
Audrey, in my experience, just say, “Sorry for your loss.” Also, I found (based on my experience after my dad died) that most grieving people don’t mind talking about the lost loved one. Maybe not about the “last days” or why or how they died, but they like to talk about how it was earlier, during happy times.
It’s been several years since my dad died, and it still makes my frickin’ day when I meet someone who knew him and will chat about him a little bit. Or, if someone wants to hear me ramble about him for a few minutes, that’s great too. I don’t know if all grieving people feel this way, but I am led to believe that many do. They don’t want people to back away and stop mentioning the lost loved one, as if they never existed. The loved one will always live, in their hearts and memories. So, usually, they like to remember the “good times”, and if you can allow them to talk about the “good times” with you, well, it’s possible that you might just make their frickin’ day! 
Oh, and to answer the OP, we get 5 days. A coworker recently lost her brother, and she was back in the 5 days. I don’t know for sure, but I doubt that they’d let us have “unlimited” time off without pay. They are always understaffed and come hell or high water, they expect us to be there for our shifts.
When my father died, the next mornining I was still in shock & went to work. When a co worker saw I was nearly comatose, she dragged out of me that my father had died the day before. I literally had to be told to ‘go home’. I had 4 days off to plan, ferry reletives into town, help arrange the memorial service, attend the service, and then ferry reletives out of town again. I got all the jobs done…but it wasn’t enough to get over the loss. But it would never have been enough to get over the loss.
PS- One of my EBS’ daughters was dating the son of the owner of the funeral home. His ashes were never scattered as he requested and they seem to have ‘disapeared’ from the funeral home. Just another reason why I should Love my EBS…
Well, I believe officially, we get three days. And that goes for in-laws as well. However, it has been my experience, in the the group that I work with, that they give you what you need - paid - along with all the support you need as well.
I work for a great group of people. When I lost my dad, I got over a week since I had to go to Arizona. It was appreciated beyond belief. Then again, I also worked a few Saturdays, too, when I could to kind of pay it back.
We’ve got Family Friendly Leave, meaning we can use sick leave for funerals. When my grandparents died (a year apart) and when my dad died last year, I took a week each time. I’m pretty sure I could have had more time if I needed it, but there was nothing for me to tend to after the funerals, so I went back to work.
Here, we are entitled to 3 days paid bereavement, but in many cases, this is extended at managers discression. From what I’ve seen, and fortunately I haven’t seen it much, generally its a parent who has passed, and the child (adult child, 40s, 50s, 60s) had generally taken 5-7 days of bereavement (depending on circumstances, such as suddenness of passing and distance)before adjusting their vacation schedule to accomodate more time if required. Usually, the employee returns back to work within 5-10 days of their parents death, if only to get themselves back into their routine and take their mind off their loss. Additional time in the future is normally granted if there are affairs that need tending to, such as estate matters and legal affairs, but this is usually in the form of taking an extended lunch (2 or 3 hours rather than the usual one hour), and the time is made up during the pay period.
I was a college student when my father died. I took 3 days off, and delayed a test or two. I think the college policy was upto two weeks off, any more was possible, but would probably involve incompletes.
Personally, I was glad to be back in my support network. I could be anonimous with most people and get support from my profs and friends. My family was great, but we were all in suspended animation as we were all yanked from life to inhabit the same sad space for a few days.
I’d hate to say that I know what it right for anyone else, but I think many people benefit from knowing the world hasn’t stopped and they still have obligations. Obligations waived for the incapasitated, of course, with a generous policy on what that constitutes.
My condolences to your neighbor. Please take care of yourself, too.
We get three days, more in the manager’s discretion. When my then-fiance (now husband)'s mother died, my manager gave me the 3 days, even though she wasn’t my family at all. His rationale was, that he (my manager) was gay, and if his partner had a family member die, my manager should be able to take the time for funeral leave, so why shouldn’t a fiance?
He’s a cool guy.