Our friends are going to the show anyway. There is no added exposure nor added jubilation from giving the friends our tickets. The only difference is whether I or my male friend pays $20. That’s it. That’s the end of the distinction, nothing more.
What’s unlikely is that anyone will want to sit through this fucking show. She’s said as much herself. This isn’t her hobby; this is her job. No one throws me a fuckin’ parade for going to work every morning.
But no, seriously, thanks for calling me a dick. That’s helpful.
Yes, not the least of which is keeping a roof over her head, hot water in her shower, and gas in her (my) car so that she’s able to do these shows without starving on the street. Fuck, I’d be in bed right now, getting a full night’s rest before work tomorrow if I didn’t have to pick her up later.
Despite all the insults about me being a self-serving asshole and terrible husband, the only part about this thread that’s pissing me off is that people think supporting my wife means going to her show! Right, because that’s the hard part, lemme tell you. Correction: Going to her show isn’t enough for you people. No, no. I have to give money to her employers or it doesn’t count.
Alright, I’ll ask again. Would it be a problem if your wife spent $20 on a gift for this couple without asking you first? Because that’s pretty much what happened.
What if your company had a baseball team and you were pitching. Wouldn’t you think it was kinda cool if your wife was willing to not just come out and watch you play, but pay for a ticket? Wouldn’t it make you feel kinda special?
It’s like that. The extra mile, something you don’t have to do but that you do with good grace. It’ll serve you well next time you fuck up. You can remind her about that time you paid for a ticket to watch her stupid show.
Prediction: the first person to post anything the least bit supportive of Chessic Sense’s position will be read as confirmation he’s rightin this, the other dozens of contradicting opinions be damned.
As a twice divorced man I am obviously an expert at keeping women happy so here’s my take.
I think you were in the right, until you expressed an opinion.
Had you inwardly raised an eyebrow, while figuring that your wife’s reasons for offering the tickets were those she later stated, good for you. As the realization dawned on you that all this stuff was about her feeling valued by her husband and her friends, your inner eyebrow would have lowered.
Failing that level of awareness I think the next opportunity was during the brief spat when you could have accepted her explanation, made the same connection and agreed that no amount would be too much to pay to support her thespian tendencies.
It’s not about the money, this is a “put down the toilet seat” kind of thing. As a guy I too would have had your thoughts. As a husband I would have not tried to defend them.
Look, someone has to pay the $20. It’s not just about supporting your wife and your wife’s employer (without whom your wife wouldn’t be performing) but it’s also about providing hospitality as a combined couple front to your friends. Who knows, maybe if you would have been generous and shown hospitality in front of your friends they may have picked up a pre-show dinner tab.
It doesn’t help that 3/4 of the contradicting opinions are “Who cares?”, “What’s the difference?”, “You’re being petty,” and “just suck it up.” None of which are actual arguments for why I’m in the wrong here. They’re merely advice for how to handle the situation from here on, which is totally pointless as the moment’s passed anyhow.
Fuck no. She doesn’t come to any of my chess tournaments, nor does she care to listen to me talk about my games. And I’m OK with that, because it’s interesting to me but not to her, and I get that. Second, it’s her job. She doesn’t follow me to work every day to cheer me on. Third, if I had a free ticket to the baseball game, she’d the the absolute first person in line to get it, not my friends. Not even my parents. Fourth, it wouldn’t make me feel the least bit special. What do I care if she (read: I) paid or didn’t pay for the ticket to the baseball game? It’s not like any of that comes back to my pocket.
Chessic, I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that what you are feeling is not about a ticket. If I had to guess, I’d guess you are not particularly fond of the whole situation. Are you aware of how much negativity is coming out in this thread?
FWIW I don’t see any obligation to go if it’s just a workaday show that isn’t particularly good and you have no real interest in. If I was having some major triumph at work (my big break!) it would be really cool to have my SO there, especially with all the celebrations and social events that come with opening a show. But if she’s playing background dancer number five in a community children’s theater production because it pays ten bucks and hour and people gotta eat, I think it’d be fine to say “Honey, I’ll catch the next one.”
in other words, “don’t tell me anything i don’t want to hear.”
i don’t care how close you are with the aforementioned couple, you were rude. as others have pointed out, what are you going to do, give the couple a single free ticket? suck it up, spend the money. it’s a $20 ticket, not a $350 orchestra seat to the hottest ticket currently on broadway. get some perspective, there are people on this very board who would kill to be able to make their spouse happy just by spending $20. good god.
Let’s say your wife owns a restaurant. You’re having dinner there one night. Also, some friends are there having dinner.
Usually when you’re there your wife gives you the creme brule for desert as a freebie, because you love that desert, and you’re her husband.
She’s excited that her friends are there tonight, and there are only two creme brules left, and she offers them to the friends.
Yes, they are already paying customers, and yes, you trump them in a “who’s more important showdown,” but:
They will walk away feeling like they are ‘special’ customers. They will be more likely to bring friends next time because, “oh, we know the owner, and she treats us right.” They will talk it up. It will make them feel better about spending money there in the future, because the gift makes them feel valued.
You, as the husband, should not require that kind of pampering to support the business, because what’s hers is yours, and you should be fully invested in your joint venture that is her career. ETA: And, it’s not just about the marketing. As a performer, it’s great to have a significant other see your work. You can thank that person with great oral sex afterwards, but you can’t do that with friends (usually). So, being able to offer a free ticket to friends on occasion is one of the few ways a performer can show them gratitude.