What would you do in this financial entertainment situation?

In My Humble Opinion
1

The situation is real but not pressing, so I’m going to change some of the details.

Amy and Betty have been friends since high school. While they have very different careers and lifestyles, they both share a passion for musicals. So when the hit musical Jefferson (a retelling of a founding father’s story, but with an all Latino cast and set to mariachi music) announces it’s coming to town, they both get excited. “Wouldn’t it be fun to go?” says Amy. “Absolutely!” says Betty, “we should totally go together opening night!”

Amy likes this idea - after all, she likes her friend and she wants to see the musical - but she hesitates. See, Amy went into Engineering in college, and landed a job at a major defense contractor after college - she currently makes well into six figures and has a ton of savings. Betty, on the other hand, went into journalism, and while she does have a stable job at the local news station, she’s not exactly raking in the dough. She’s not in the poorhouse or on welfare or anything, but Amy knows she’s not exactly bathing in Dom Perignon every night.

And therein lies the rub. They could both afford to go to the show, but if Amy were to go, she’d want to get the $500 center floor seats so she has a great view. Betty would be more likely to budget for the $45 nosebleeds - she still gets to see the show but not nearly as well.

Luckily for Amy, the tickets aren’t available yet, so the question of what seats to get can be put off, and she asks her husband, Mark, what she should do. She could get her fancy ticket and let Betty get nosebleeds, but it seems rude to go to the same show and not sit together. She could suck it up and get the nosebleed seats with Betty, but then she’s not going to get to enjoy the show as much. She could just offer to buy both the tickets and have Betty sit with her in the good seats… but she’s not sure that Betty would appreciate the ‘charity’ and doesn’t want it to be awkward. She could also just avoid the situation altogether, get the expensive seats, and not tell Betty she’s going - but then comes the issue of what if Betty finds out and is hurt her friend didn’t ask her to come too? Or she could avoid all the drama and live through not going at all.

Fortunately for Mark, his brain operates in a parallel universe where he can access the wisdom of the snarkiestahemsmartest people in that dimension. What does the Dope think?

2

Does Amy buy Betty presents for birthdays, holidays etc? If it’s within Amy’s budget to buy her friend’s ticket, I’d suggest she buy it and slap a gorgeous bow on it with a “happy birthday!” tag on it. Pair it with a beautiful card about how much their friendship means to her and she wanted to do something special for her friend because she loves her and she should be good. The good seats she wants and she gets to solidify the friendship at the same time.

3

Early birthday present for Betty.

4

$45 seats. If you’re going together, you have to go together.

5

^ This.

The show isn’t always about whats in front of you; its about the experience together.
Walking around & getting dinner before. Rubbing elbows with other people at the show at the intermission. Deciding whether or not to try to get playbills autographed after. Deciding whether to get drinks somewhere after to discuss the show.
Its not a book club where you meet in 2 months & discuss what you liked or didn’t like on the night you went.

The $500 ticket option always starts to drive a wedge between the friends with a build up of “How come I always end up paying more” on one side and “why does she always have to rub money in my face?” on the other.

Friendship + $45 seats = Another Cool Memory.

6

I would agree to both getting nosebleeds.

HOWEVER

Depending on their relationship, Lady WarBucks might could suggest, instead of outright buying JennyJournalist’s floor seat, offer to pay the difference between floor and nosebleeds.

7

I’m always amazed at these very very close, historied, deep friendships where people can’t speak openly and honestly with one another. If she’s truly o.k. with buying her friend’s ticket, and if they’re such close friends, there should be some way to ease the friend’s discomfort and feeling of being a “charity case”.

The idea of making it a gift seems perfect to me if it’s truly going to be awkward to say “Hey, let’s make this my treat!”

Also an option, “How about I cover the tickets and you buy dinner?” Then pick a dinner place that’s within the friend’s budget and make no mention of the fact that the tickets are for the pricey seats.

Again, this is assuming the better-off friend truly is o.k. with buying two expensive tickets. She most certainly is not obligated to. But if she wants to, I don’t see why it’s got to be such a hard thing to do.

Note, though, that if she doesn’t want to buy her friend’s ticket, they still ought to be sitting together. If that means the nosebleeds, then so be it.

I’m also puzzled by these very very close, historied, deep friendships where people quietly resent one another over money. There’s a name for these kinds of friendships: they’re called “Bad Friendships”.

Now, that’s just petty.
“Oh, I’ll pay $955.00 for our shared experience at the theater but one thousand dollars!?!?!?!?!? Now that is where I draw the line!”

8

Ok so has she asked Betty what seats she’s thinking about? I mean, you said ‘budget’ that means there’s going to be time to save up for the tickets. So why not just talk to her and see how much she’d feel comfortable paying for tickets? Meet halfway maybe. Like a couple hundred dollars or something. It’s wrong to just make assumptions about what her friend is going to do and then fret over them without even asking her.

9

I think you took this the wrong way. It’s not that Lady WarBucks is being petty about the extra $45. It’s about JennyJournalist not feeling like a TOTAL mooch. And again, it all comes down to how their relationship is.

10

Isn’t there a middle ground on ticket prices, with seats somewhere between “best in the house” and “nosebleed”?

11

Yes, Amy and Betty should check the venue’s seating chart for Mezzanine or Balcony seats, and agree on a medium-priced seating location.

12

This is exactly what I was going to suggest, only no helping to pick a place for dinner by the ticket buyer. You pick up dinner, I pick up tickets. Totally up to you. Surprise me.

The dinner buyer is probably going to suspect that the ticket buyer is going to pick expensive seats. What the dinner buyer does with that suspicion is entirely up to them. What the ticket buyer does with their money is entirely up to them. Adult friendships (especially those that have endured since high school) should not be subject to “Even Steven” rules when resources vary.

13

I’d either buy both are tickets so we could have a fabulous time, or I suck it up in the nosebleeds, then go back later and see it up close. I mean, if I’m rolling in the dough, what’s another $45 to me?

14

Calling the tickets a birthday gift doesn’t avoid the central issue. Betty’s going to feel just as guilty over taking a $500 birthday gift that she can’t reciprocate as she would be taking a $500 ticket.

I like the “I’ll buy both tickets and you buy both meals” suggestion. It implies both women are contributing something to the evening while avoiding the fact that the two items are not monetarily equal.

15

This^^^ or are the only seats available either floor or nosebleed?

16

Arguably, seeing a performance for the first time is going to have more impact than seeing it again. Why shouldn’t Amy have the best experience she chooses if she offers to buy the tickets? Like bienville, I question the foundation of a close friendship where one friend has less financial means and the other has more and this kind of thing causes ongoing tension.

It can be handled poorly by either party, but a generous offer made by a good friend should be accepted graciously. You don’t have to kiss their ass over it. It’s as much for their benefit as it is for yours, especially for a shared experience like this.

If they mention the cost of the tickets (unsolicited) or talk about the great seats they bought “for you” that means the friendship is probably over because that person is a dick. Absent obvious behavior like this, assuming the purchase was made to assert their financial superiority over you means the friendship is probably over because you’re a dick.

Again, why shouldn’t Amy have the best experience she chooses if she offers to buy the tickets? If Amy wants a $500 seat and is genuinely okay with spending another $500 for Betty’s seat without aggrandizing herself for doing so, why should she compromise her experience to the limit of Betty’s budget?

One thing I agree with is that attending “together” in completely separate sections isn’t attending together at all and should be avoided at any cost. That’s a “Curb Your Enthusiasm” level of awkward.

17

What I did for my wife and her friend…
I bought two of the best seats in house as a gift for my wife. Then called friend and told her I don’t like…you go with her.

18

What I’ve done (and been on both sides of) is get medium seats* and split things not in terms of “half and half” but of “each pays for one thing”. The person who had more money paid for the seats, the person who had less paid for dinner.

  • Mind you: some times we’ve been surprised by what looking at the middle ranges got us. For example, side boxes are often much cheaper than floor. OK, I can see that when its a play and you want to see everything… but for a recital? There was an orchestra in its pit, we could see them perfectly from the box, then the singers and a huge bunch of flowers on stage. And half the price of floor seats.
    The few times I’ve been in the first row, the view would have been better from the 3rd or 4th, which again often are cheaper.
19

She should discuss this with her friend, first. She should offer, I’ll buy the tickets, you buy dinner, or let’s get midrange seats, or I’ll get your ticket as an early birthday gift!

(If Amy’s good time prioritizes an expensive seat over who she’s wiith, then I think Betty is right to find her a little shallow, to be honest.)

If this were my friend, (and I had less money) I’d be happy with a midrange seat and a reasonably priced meal, where I cover the meal and my friend covers the tickets.

But first, if these are, in fact friends, then they should just talk about it. Maybe Amy doesn’t want to talk about it because she doesn’t want to own that she only …wants to/needs to/why shouldn’t she?/has to… sit in the very expensive seats. Period. If that’s the case, and I were Betty, I’d decline.

20

Is there no one else who came into this thread expecting to find out what ‘financial entertainment’ is all about?