You had me at “not diseased”.
Take the friends and the free tickets out of the equation. Your wife is (presumably) your best friend. Is it worth $20 to go support your friend?
I would be delighted to pay to watch my spouse perform in a play and for them to give their free tickets to others.
My daugher put me on the guest list at her first professional football game, but I still went and bought a ticket. It was a complete and absolute pleasure to pay to see my daughter play.
Chessic – What’s the play that your wife is in?
My Wife competes in IronMan races. In 9 days, we will load up the car and are driving to Maryland from Colorado. The trip will end up being about 4000 miles of driving once we visit her family too. I will burn all of my vacation time for this. It’s important to my Wife, so that makes it important to me.
The drive will not be easy and will be expensive. But we can manage it.
I bring that up just for perspective.
The play is important to your wife I am sure. Just as the IronMan is important to my Wife.
It would have been nice it your wife said, not consulted, but said that she was going to give the tickets to friends that she wanted to see her in the play before she made the offer. I feel sorry for your friends to be put in such an awkward position when you said one ticket was for you.
In another thread you talked about buying a bus just for the hell of it. I have to assume that $20 for the ticket to the play is not going to break your bank. This is about something else. Let it go, apologize and understand that you and your wife are a team. That’s what it is all about.
I’m guessing it’s either; really about control, or hierarchy.
Either; ‘These constituted (real or imagined), ‘our resources’, and I get to say how they ought be dispersed!’ Seems less likely, unless he’s judging all her tiny expenditures, as to acceptability.
I’m favouring hierarchy, as in; ‘I must always be her first concern, for every teeny, tiny thing, in her mind. My feelings, on everything, no matter how trivial, trump all other views. Always. I am her husband!’ (Likely feels this is an absolute given, and ought be self evident to everyone, as the way a marriage works.)
The true issue probably boils down to “How dare she expect me to attend this crap on my own dime when I couldnt care less about it or her emotional attachment to it. Haven’t I done more than enough for her (e.g., made my own dinner)?”
The free tickets and the friends seem irrelevant to his ire to me. If the free tickets weren’t in the picture, I doubt his attitude would really be different. He just wouldnt have a convenient scapegoat for his grievance.
Seriously, you resent her being in this play. Deal with your own issues. Don’t air your own resentments and maritial problems in front of your friends. If “Giving money to her employers” i.e. supporting the arts is such a drain then really, you need to figure yourself and your household out. Would you feel this way about shopping a a grocery store if your wife worked there, or being a client of a firm that employed your wife? Why the resentment.
Slight hijack: how cool that your daughter plays pro football. I would love it if you started a thread about that!
I think the issue here is not necessarily the money, but rather respect. As you point out, her parents should have had first refusal due to the support they’ve shown her, and you second. If my husband got two free tickets to something work-related I would assume one was for me, and would have been surprised had he then offered them to friends, who I knew to be going anyway, and would have said something. But, once I heard his explanation I would have understood (although perhaps requested that he tell me in advance next time).
Wow. This is a very strange thread, indeed. Never underestimate the power of the Internet to make a mountain out of a molehill. I very clearly stated in post #22 that there wasn’t a fight and no one is mad. No one is offended or found anything rude about this incident.
There are so many bad assumptions in this thread, like this one…
…that I don’t have the time or energy to correct them all. Cooking is normally her job, but since she’s been in rehearsal, she eats at the theater and I cook for myself. A task which, btw, I’m perfectly happy to do, being a grown man and everything. So no, I don’t expect her to come home and cook after she’s already eaten. That would be ridiculous.
I make a thread about a simple debate, a “spat” if you will, asking who deserves the tickets and now we’ve got some Internet psych diagnoses like "Seriously, you resent her being in this play,“it’s really about control,” and my personal favorite “the OP’s grievance is not really about the ticket but about the fact his wife has a ‘fake’ job” which as Munch put it, assumes a ton of facts not in evidence.
So yeah, way to go, Dopers. You’ve managed to take a boring, trivial, petty difference of opinion and somehow finagle deep psychological profiles from it.
To be clear, there’s only one person my wife is pissed at, and that’s Bob Ducca. She said some colorful words in response to his post, and I don’t think I’m allowed to reprint them here.
Nope- you don’t get to do that. You don’t get to pull one sentence and pretend you’ve been so misunderstood.
You posted that cooking dinner and doing laundry was how you supported her and you wanted credit for that. Then it became clear that she eats dinner away and does her own laundry. So you want credit as being supportive because of EXACTLY what I said: you don’t make her cook you dinner or do your laundry when she gets home.
And I stand by my conclusion- That’s not supportive. That’s being a normal adult. If you had insisted she do those things then you’d be a jerk. You don’t get brownie points for not being a jerk.
You asked if you were in the wrong- and the answer is a resounding “yes”. Yes, you are wrong for insisting that you should be entitled to those tickets over everyone else, by default. But we all conclude that because everyone else is just blowing things out of proportion and misinterpreting etc etc. Another thread where the OP only wants confirmation and no real insight.
Sir, respectfully, buy the ticket…double up on the roses (REAL Florist Shop ones, not those supermarket ones that smell like looseleaf paper).
You, Sir, are married to a professional actress. Every day she is trying to maintain her emotional range, expand into World Famous mode, maintain a body that looks 20, and keep sane.
If I may be so bold… You Sir… are Not Helping.
Love her. Support her. Buy the tix. Toss in a bottle of Beaujolais. And when no one on this Board is looking, Love The Hell out of your wife. Love her like there is no tomorrow.
Because, when its all said and done?
There isn’t.
You absolutely do. You’re expected to help out others in need, especially your own family. The fact that this is socially mandated does not alleviate the other person of having/expressing gratitude for the help.
No I didn’t. I asked which of our arguments was correct. I asked who deserved the tickets. I asked who my wife should have opted to give them to.
I did not ask if she had the right to give away the tickets. I did not ask if I was rude to my guests. I didn’t ask if I’m supporting my wife or not. I didn’t ask if I offended her. I didn’t ask if I should go to her show or buy her flowers. I didn’t ask if I was a jerk.
I asked who of the three people should get the two tickets. That’s all. It’s in the OP and it’s in the title. I don’t know why you and others insist on threadshitting trying to convince me that I’m a selfish, unsupportive, resentful, rude asshat and then making up details to support it.
Sure you should be appreciated. Nothing wrong with that. She would be wrong not to. But that’s different from being entitled to something because of it. Your examples of being supportive, to explain why you shouldn’t have to buy a ticket, are directly relavent to the conversation.
The conversation evolved based on your own posts. People explained pretty clearly why her view made more sense. You then later posted as part of your rebuttal, because you didnt like the answer, which prompted more conversation.
So this is what I’m getting so far:
“Who should get a ticket, me or a friend?”
“You should support your wife.”
“You mean like do her chores for her while she’s gone?”
“No, that doesn’t count.”
“Oh, you mean a more active form of support, like chauffeur her to and from her shows?”
“No, that’s not support either.”
“Oh, you mean emotionally support her, like listen to her problems and ask about how her rehearsal is going? Y’know, having an active interest in her life?”
“No, you’re not getting it, Chessic Sense. We want you to support her by giving your friend $20. Also, you’re an asshole and your wife’s a slut.”
And you wonder why I’m all 
:mad:
First post after the OP answered it. Everything else has just been commentary.
I’m sorry that you feel like we (collectively) have condemned you, your marriage, and possibly your wife, and have nitpicked to death your attempts to show that you are in fact a supportive husband.
That’s the way advice threads on this board often go, though, so it shouldn’t be a surprise.
And a lot of it comes from the way you set up the original question–and frankly, you would probably have gotten more sympathy if the ticket was worth more than $20–you could hardly have gotten less.
You do not understand. One is a moral obligation. The other is just good manners.
You, obviously, think obligations trump manners, or you would not have phrased your argument as you did, or tried to rescind the offer of a gift.
Originally Posted by IvoryTowerDenizen
Originally posted by Chessic Sense
No. Not being a jerk is the default position. You think that doing the cooking, and your own laundry is being supportive. I am sorry, is this 1957? Are you Desi Arnaz and upset that Lucy wants to be in a show?
The man I refer to as my ExUncle Bob would go ballistic when my aunt would take an evening course. It didn’t matter, at first my aunt was taking business courses, he was upset. She thought maybe her going to the community college was indimidating him with his Grade 10 education. She tried taking a parenting class, because my cousin had learning disabilities. That lead to fights and more hostility. Taking a cooking class and bringing him home treats for his lunch pail wasn’t any better. He expected his wife to be home in the evenings. End of Story.
Now I am not saying you are an abusive mill worker with a drinking and rage problem like my ex uncle Bob. But you do have problems with supporting this endeavor with your wallet. You think that someone should bring you flowers or something on opening night because you made your own supper.
You never answered me as to whether you would support a business that employeed your wife if it was a brick or mortar store, or something of a goods or services nature. If you would, why the difference here?
In your OP you said that you completely fail to understand the other side’s viewpoint. Apparently you still do. Maybe if you re-read this thread in a few months after your wife’s play has closed and you have calmed down, you will begin to see it. I hope so.