I came across a picture of you today and it made me smile. I still had to damp mop the floor though.
Oh, no, the brakes on the car weren’t working! Well…it was almost time for Mom to put in another quarter, anyway.
Onetime, I boldly had sex with my g/f’s best friend right next to her while she slept. True story.
He wept for the happiness that might’ve been as he dug the grave for his wife and their newborn baby. In the background he heard the cries from the room in which she was giving birth.
One time my sister was karving her initials on a møøse. So it bit her.
During my internship in Göteborg I had to put 50 stitches into a girl that came into the emergency room. She faced years of grueling plastic surgery and a lifelong fear of swamp donkeys.
The last man on Earth sat in a room.
There was a knock ay the door.
“Ay the door,” Adam said. “Do you mean ‘Eye?’” Bob asked.
As the man went out to get his mail he noticed a shadow crossing his lawn. As he looked up to see what it was a 777 crashed into his house.
My friend, Jimbo, is incarcerated for the next 25 years and my other friend, Rico, is serving a dime in Q. A two sentence story.
This starts up here on Floor #2,
…and
…then
…goes
…downstairs to the first floor. You guessed it–a two-story sentence.
It was a dark and stormy night; the rain fell in torrents — except at occasional intervals, when it was checked by a violent gust of wind which swept up the streets (for it is in London that our scene lies), rattling along the housetops, and fiercely agitating the scanty flame of the lamps that struggled against the darkness. Suddenly, a giant asteroid struck the Earth and everyone died.
The two burglars were caught stealing a very rare calendar from the museum. Each man got 6 months.
Official Sheep Award! B-a-a-a-d. 
Margaret waited with bated breath for Stan to arrive, open the door and see her naked and waiting form. Stan opened the door, exclaimed in surprise and delight, and fell down dead of a massive coronary.
I had wasted my first two wishes on really stupid stuff, when the genie reminded me: What will your third wish be, Effendi?
“Three more wishes, if you please.”
The sound of the tentacles slithering against the marble floor caused me to choke off the cry that was screaming to get out. Then, silence.
Merve was showing off his new suit made out of steaks and pork chops. Suddenly, the bus lurched and threw him out into the jungle.
My chemistry teacher narrated this story once:
The young chemist set out to determine whether cyanide was sweet or sour. His assistant found him dead a few hours later, a sheet of paper by his side, with a hastily scribbled “S”.
As we made hot sweaty ferocious love, the farmer’s daughter kept humming this incessant tune and it was very distracting.
As I ran nearly naked through the corn field I figured it out: Hay Loft by Mother Mother!
“Now, we will activate the Large Hadron Collider, and soon we shall learn the secrets of the Universe!”
And there was no second sentence.