Anna, the new red haired Bible teacher, had a yen for blond muscular men named Frank. At 3 pm thr bell rang and two dark-haired women stood there with the name of Frances.
(This is partially true)
My wife and I were on the way to Olive Garden today and we stopped at a traffic light behind a car that looked as if it had been spray-painted matte black–even the tires and wheel covers–from top to bottom, stem to stern, left to right. As it turned north, heading up the highway towards the interstate, the news on the radio was reporting about an armed robbery at a paint store–48 cases of flat black spray paint had been stolen…for reasons unknown.
A tanker ship carrying 100,000 gallons of blue paint collided with another tanker carrying equal amounts of red. Both crews were marooned.
I had not had a bowl of alphabet soup in better than 25 years and was really looking forward to it. The soup was set in front of me, I picked up my spoon and gazed through the steam at the letters–that said “PLEASE DONT EAT ME.”
My grandfather’s first job was working on the Sioux Indian Reservation, installing electrical wire to all the outhouses there. He was one of the first people to wire a head for a reservation.
I thought my terrible puns were terrible. The I saw buddha’s. 
Actually it was pretty funny. I may steal it.
It’s not really stealing when it’s an old joke. (Still funny, though.)
Home is where the heart is. Someone else said that was a cliche, both the words and the idea.
The ropes snapped and the Steinway tumbled down headlong, falling with rapidly gaining momentum. The man looked up, his lamp limning the outline of the flawless finish of the grand piano as it crashed fatally upon him with the net result of a single note welling up from the depths; A flat minor.
When Joe took over the family business of collecting and classifying mildews and funguses one of the first things he did was replace his dad’s old beat up truck. Now driving through a terrible storm late at night he was very happy that this was not, in fact, his father’s moldsmobile.
Dawn rose and sleepily spread out across the bed spread and slipped lightly across the room. Was I alone again?
I want to marry the person I love. Today, I CAN!!!
Yay Annie!
He stumbled from the gates of the penitentiary after 10 years of hard labour, staring at the scars left by the manacles. “Petersen, not Peterson…” was all I heard him repeat over and over as he walked away from me.
Yesterday my three-legged dog was eating trash out of the dumpster when the lid smashed down on his neck and killed him. I probably shouldn’t have named him “Lucky.”
Rebecca thought about her future as she walked to her new job. While crossing the street, she was killed by a drunk driver.
The name of the game is two-sentence stories. He got 5 years for forgery and 10 for a drive-by shooting.
I said I could live with anyone but her. She shot everyone else.
Happy 4th of July everyone! Try not to blow off your fingers.
July 5th–Dr. Strangelove stepped outside his bunker and surveyed the total nuclear devastation stretching as far as the eye could see. “What a fireworks display,” he declared to no one in particular, stepping back into his permanent, fortified residence, coffee in one hand, newspaper in the other.