I am a PE. The first few times with a lady are insanely brief. Then after a while I get comfortable and its ‘usually’ not a problem. It really is embarassing and ego crushing when it happens. The worst was one time the girl just briefly touched it and I was done. The rest of the time its either a minute of oral or at best 30 seconds of intercourse before I’m done.
But being cursed with that I get the bonus of being able to maintain the erection for several minutes afterwards (the longest I ever noticed was 10 minutes plus). So often my partner and I will just keep going until she orgasms or I can no longer proceed. (I’ve never understood guys who say its uncomfortable to keep going after an ejaculation) On rare occasion I can orgasm twice without losing much rigor.
As I said, this is mostly early in a relationship so it makes it kind of intimidating starting a new sexual relationship. Often the first sexual interaction I’ll try to keep to mutual stimulation and oral so I can prove my chops there and then the next time try for intercourse and then be a one pump chump… but then I will have proved my worth in other areas so I feel better. And then hopefully eventually we get to the point where my “hard dickin’” switch gets thrown and I can break her in two like a popsickle.
What’s the difference between premature and just plain old quick in the sack?
My husband is gone for long periods of time so when he comes back the first time can be rather short. I dont’ consider it an actual PE problem because I know (1) it’s pretty obvious what the cause is - long time since last orgasm and (2) it doesn’t typically reoccur over the weekend he is home. But is there a minute mark that would take it from quickie to PE?
Once when he came home after a particularly long absence we started going at it and it ended rather abruptly about a minute in. He smiled and said “Sorry babe. Guess tonight ain’t your night! Goodnight!” Maybe that whole shame part comes in later. Maybe. I guess it’s only shameful if you both aren’t laughing.
First couple of times, you’re quick off the draw. If the lady in question were to want to procede to round two (three, four) would you object?
Actually, lets throw this out there to all the guys PE or not: I’m not ruling out that in the past I’ve been with Men of Steel[sup]TM[/sup] but…
I’ve never had a guy not interested in carrying on for a second or third go round. I mean, sure, if it’s a Tuesday evening at 11:30 and you’re both sort of worn out from the day, once is probably enough. But lets think about a lazy Saturday. You have no plans. Nowhere to be, nothing particularly on the agenda.
To my way of thinking, the whole frikin’ day should be spent having sex. Again and again and again, in every room in the house, and perhaps in the backseat of the car if you go out for a drive-in or something.
Is this odd? Unapealing? Boring sounding?
Perhaps I just have the worlds most powerful sex drive…
First, a-i-w, how come I never met a woman like you 15-20 years ago. I would have agreed whole-heartedly. Nothing wrong with a clothing-optional weekend.
As to the second question, during the most miserable 2 months of my life, with that ‘issue’ lurking in the deep, dark recesses of my mind, doing it constantly wasn’t an option. When it ain’t working, it ain’t working, and being reminded constantly that it ain’t working isn’t going to make it work better - it’s going to make it work worse. For me, it wasn’t about stimulation - it was literally all-in-the-head.
Humm. Interesting. Alright - I want to reframe this, yet again.
If the PE doesn’t seem to be a problem for the lady in your life, does it remain a problem for you? That sounds like a stupid question, but stick with me for a minute.
So - you have PE, and you feel crappy about it. Lady says “Hey - no worries, lets do oral for a while, and then maybe I’ll jerk you off and you can jerk me off, and then we’ll try again sometime if you feel like it.” To my way of thinking, there’s no problem there - everybody is getting their rocks off.
I can see how if the lady made a big deal about it, it would throw you off. However, if a guy started making a big deal about some aspect of his womans sexuality I think it would throw her off too.
So, I guess what I’m really asking is, if it’s all in your head, wouldn’t some skillful handling get it the hell out of there?
I’m not a guy, and never been with a PE, but I would think some shame would still remain that had nothing to do with the woman. It would be about not being able to control your body–rather in the same way that incontience would be embarressing. Yes, a good attitude towards it from your partner would help, but you’d still hate to have them see the box of depends.
MandaJo got it. To use a close analogy, no amount of telling a woman her butt ain’t fat is going to make her believe her butt ain’t fat (and if she is asking, she probably thinks her butt is fat). She’s going to think the guy is just saying that to please her, regardless of what he really thinks. No amount of saying “That’s OK” was going to convince me that it was really OK. And when it was happening every…single…time…, the last thing you want to do is to keep trying again and again.
I was semi-lucky. Sadly, it killed an otherwise fine relationship, as I became a headcase. I never blamed it on the woman in question, but I never figured out the root cause (nor did I seek any help in figuring the root cause). However, after another of my trademarked long droughts, I met the current Mrs. D_Odds, and I’ve never had the problem again (nor, might I add, had I ever had the problem before).
alice_in_wonderland I’m guessing that you are in your twenties??? and thus have male partners in around about the same age group? Doing it all day may seem like a nice, very nice idea, but once you’re in your nearer 40 and above, the energy levels just aint the same (not to mention if you have kids and their needs to think about). Also, I’ve discovered a little male secret: going on and on about sex and your manhood has no correlation with your sex drive. Women in their 30s can often be left begging for it from their partners!
Continuing to persue…activities isn’t necessarily a bad thing? Obviously, every guy is different - I just want to make sure that suggesting some other, non-Really-Hard-Dicking activities isn’t always no-no, so to speak. Could go either way? Yes?
Lucky you!
The other observation I’ve made with my own life is that in casual relationships there is way more energy for sex - you don’t live together and thus maybe meet up 2 or 3 times a week, much easier to have energy for sex and it tends to be more exciting than with partners whom you could do it with everyday! Also, weekend dates when you don’t have work in the morning seem to create more energy.
Oh and 33 is way closer to 20s than 39 (my current age) - I seem to remember having more energy for sex at 33 too but I don’t think I’ve ever wanted to go at it all day on a regular basis.
So, um, you sure your lovers didn’t leave because they couldn’t keep up with you?
