I am such a rookie here… but I need “etiquette” in addressing wedding announcements. On the outside envelope, obviously, would be “Mr & Mrs. Joe Smith” with address… but on the INSIDE envelope, is it correct to write “Joe and Mary”, “Joe and Mary Smith”, or “Mr and Mrs. Smith”?
Also, since we are eloping, we don’t want any “after-wedding” parties. My friends are trying to set one up for us and it’s irritating that crap out of me. I do not want anything like that, maybe I’m just a grouch, but I am really not into all that crap. Do I let them go ahead and host one (geez, it’d only be 8 of us anyway) or tell her I DO NOT want one?
The outside envelope needs to be more formal (and it depends on how formal the announcement is), and should be addressed, “Mr. & Mrs. Joseph Smith” with his full name.
The inner envelope, IMO, can certainly be addressed to “Joe & Mary” if you wish.
Disclaimer: I’m sure someone with a copy of Emily Post or Miss Manners will be along to correct me.
As for the party, I’d go ahead and let them host a small party for you. Since you eloped, and I assume they weren’t there, they just want to wish you well. If it’s only going to be eight people, that’s no big deal. It’s not like both sets of parents are trying to throw a huge formal 200-person bash for you.
Plus, you’ll get some presents. Don’t forget to write Thank-You notes!
A wedding is a formal occasion. I suggest using formal modes of address throughout. So my opinion is to put “Mr. and Mrs. Joe Smith” on the inside envelope and any other place you put their names.
Tell your friends that you appreciate their efforts, but you just don’t want a party. Offer to host a party for [some event a few months after the wedding] instead.
AOP: BiblioCat, bad call at the end of your post. A party is never about the presents. If it were, then the gifts would be equivalent to charging party attendees a cover charge, which is insanely tacky for a private affair.
I didn’t even think announcements got double envelopes, but obviously I was wrong. As for addressing inner envelopes, I always put whatever I actually called the addressees on it. Usually it was just first names, but for, say, my grandparents, the inner envelope would read ‘Grandma and Grandpa’.
The party your friends are trying to throw for you…well, it’s awfully nice of them to offer, and if it was only mildly irritating to you I’d say grin and bear it. If it’s really bugging the crap out of you, though, I’d say tell them (as nicely as possibly, and with effusive thanks for their thoughtfulness and generosity) that if you wanted a reception, you’d be planning one yourself. If you don’t put your foot down now, next thing you know they’re going to be horrified that you’re not having a shower, and you’ll wind up sitting there making appreciative noises about your fifth crockpot while someone pastes the ribbons to a paper plate
Sheesh, I meant that in a light-hearted way. I know a wedding isn’t about presents.
If she’s really dead-set against a small party, then she should certainly speak up and tell her friends ‘no’ to the party idea.
If the friends do have a small party for them, it sounds more like a small dinner party, with just eight guests. Maybe someone will get them a cake, and someone will take pictures. They’d have the photos to rememebr the dinner by, and in years to come would look back fondly on the dinner with friends that celebrated their wedding. I think a small dinner sounds like fun - much nicer than a huge reception that most BrideZillas plan.
Scuba Ben’s would be the most etiquette sanctioned, traditional, and formal choice. My only caveat for using the usual formal address for married couples is that some of them won’t like it. Some of them won’t like it A LOT! Many women nowadays not only don’t like the traditional form (Mr & Mrs Hisfirstname Hislastname) they are actively insulted when it is used. Be warned. Unless you know for sure (from prior Christmas cards or something) that the guest in question uses the traditional form socially, you might be better off using a more modern default addressing scheme. Especially if you have a lot of people on your list who are 40 or younger. I recommend “Mr. Joseph Smith & Ms. Mary Smith” on the outer envelope and “Mr. Smith & Ms. Smith” on the inner. Less traditional, but also less likely to lead to angry phone calls. I use the traditional form myself, and am always careful to use it on Christmas cards and the like so people will know my preference.
For a couple with different last names (couples living together, or married couples when the wife has kept her maiden name), each name has a line to itself. In other words:
Mr. Joseph Smith
Ms. Mary Jones on the outer envelope
and:
Mr. Smith
Ms. Jones on the inner.
Finally, “Mrs.” with a woman’s first name is technically incorrect (which is why I recommend “Ms.” as a default), but many women use it anyway. It grates on my nerves, however, so I never use it – UNLESS I know the woman in question prefers it, in which case I set my jaw and default to her preference. This is the main point – you call people what they prefer, whenever possible.
If I were to receive an invitation to a wedding that didn’t have my name on it, but called me Mrs. Joe Smith, I’d be more than mildly peeved. I’m a person too, you know… I’d put both names on the invitation or just “The Smiths”.
I’m with CrazyCatLady: I didn’t even know that wedding announcements came in double envelopes. The ones I’ve seen were basically just a panel card.
Anyway, I don’t know how formal you want the announcement to be, but if you wan to follow “the rules,” the outside envelope has the full name, the inner envelope just the salutations.
outside: Mr. & Mrs. Joseph Blotsky
inside: Mr. & Mrs. Blotsky.
I’ve never understood this distinction, but that’s what I have read on various wedding invitation addressing forms.
For our invitations, we actually addressed it to each person by name, not just by the husband’s name, but that’s just us.
Cool - thanks for all of your replies! To be honest, I didn’t know our announcements would come with 2 envelopes either… they are just a nice, simple announcement panel card. That’s why I wasn’t sure how to address the inner envelope. I agree on the name thing too about “Mr. and Mrs. (husband’s name) Smith”. Thankfully, I won’t have to address then that way due to popular demand.
If I’m this stressed about envelopes, I shudder to think of myself actually planning a whole wedding… yikes. We’re off to Vegas with the close family for a March wedding and could not be happier about it!
There’s no law saying that you HAVE to use those interior envelopes. It may seem like a waste to leave them out, but if your time and peace of mind are worth more to you than appeasing some faceless Wedding Nazi at the print shop, then just forget 'em.
Use both first names, one last name, “Bob and Suki Thenob” on both envelopes. Formalities these days are dead. People take offense.
Just as a side question, if you are eloping, why are you sending out invitations? Doesn’t that defeat the purpose?
You’re not eloping, you’re having a small wedding.
But that’s irrelevant-- weddings nowadays are as formal or informal as you want, so the rules are whatever the heck you want to do-- and I’ve got the experience of having TWO weddings last year.
So, you can make your own cards if you want, with only one envelope, because people just throw the damn things out anyway. (Except for sentimental Aunt Millie, who will treasure whatever she gets, to be very honest.)
As for how you address 'em, most of the cards we sent out last year were named, either Joe and Nancy Smith, or Joe Smith and Nancy Jones, if she used her own name, which is pretty common for the people I know.
Heck, when my wife and I were ‘introduced’ at the reception, we were Mr Barbarian’s Full name, and Mrs Dr Wife’s full name. <— that make sense?
