When you buy me a shirt, and I leave it in my dresser, and you never see me wearing it… it means I hate the shirt.
You see, Mom and Dad, you yourselves are the ones that put it in my head that I’m a conservative dresser, and you let me develop that sense of style as I grew. I do not consider ‘conservative dressers’ to wear shirts with piping that consists of tape embossed with the words “Tommy Hilfiger” over every seam.
Now, this is an honest mistake. I don’t blame you, since, as we know, my name IS Tom, and I don’t have the heart to tell you to stop calling me ‘Tommy’ because Uncle Tom wants to be the only Tom in the family. However, when I casually mention while shopping that I hate A) Logos and B) Specifically, the Tommy Hilfiger logo, that should be a sign that I do not want any Tommy Hilfiger logo shirts.
Particularly not ugly ones.
And, Mom and Dad, while I GREATLY appreciate you buying me clothes, and often you make wonderful, wonderful decisions that I thank you for profusely… if I obviously hate one of the shirts, please don’t buy me the same shirt in a different colour. That’s just silly.
Oh, and never buy me anything yellow, because, as I mention as often as I find an excuse to… I FUCKING HATE WEARING YELLOW.
Thank you in advance for your consideration.