The Crimea situation’s become such a mess, now non-human species are taking sides:
The dolphins were ethnically russian. Common mistake.
Hey, you make it sound like the dolphins were forced to switch sides.
The Russian government has assured us that the dolphins were given a free choice and voluntarily chose to join the Russian navy.
And don’t believe any lies those fascist sea lions tell you.
So long and thanks for all the fish! 
Those traitorous dolphins will swim for whoever feeds them fish.
We definitely have a dolphin gap with the Russians.
Top people, and I mean Top People are working on this problem.
So… they’ve been re-porpoised?
Who? 
This is currently an unconfirmed rumor, but I hear whisperings that the 107th Walrus Brigade is also planning to throw in their flippers for Moscow.
No word yet from the polar bear commandos or the elephant seal army, though.
Yes, I heard that the dolphins had to jump through hoops to be accepted into the Russian navy.
Top. People.
*They call him Flipper, Flipper, faster than lightning,
No-one you see, knows Crimea like he,
And we know Flipper, lives in a world full of wonder,
Knuckling under, to Putin you see…! *
“Flipper…! Show us where the minefield is…!”
“Baadadadadada-NYET! Baadadadadada-NYET!”
“Flipper, show us… or I shoot Katya…”
“…CENSORED…”
They must be having a whale of a time.
well done
At least we know now why they have bottle noses. Vodka.
It’s not fair. The Russians have vast Beluga caviar reserves. Ukrainians can only usually offer Sterlet, and even then sometimes they can only find crappy Lumpsucker. Even dolphins have standards!
Next up! Photo of Putin using 2 dolphins as waterskis!