Forget about getting Oprah on your asses. As Forrest Gump in Pulp Fiction would say (courtesy of Mad TV), “Ah’m gonna get medieval on your butt-tocks!!” To wit, R2-D2 is stymied with…a flight of stairs. And like a grenade lobbed into a bull ring, I give you Martha Stewart, backed by her corporate empire, Martha Stewart Living Omnimedia, Inc.®, which is tantamount to nuclear warfare, my friends. I’m sorry, but magdalene’s play of Oprah forced my hand to counter with unrestrained and sheer brute force. Please forgive me, Mother.
Martha Stuart is simply no match for the college freshmen dorm room (with a back-up of a Fraternity House after a party)
For my next trick, ** the sneeze that just won’t come** should put you in your place.
<Andygirl, from her vantage point on the sidelines, surveys her college freshman dorm room>
Good God! In death, Martha Stewart turned herself into a tasteful centerpiece!
I parry your sneeze which will not come out with a well-placed tickle attack and counter with Star Trek male slash Fanfiction! Oh, the horror…
andygirl, the comment about Martha Stewart was priceless. However, I cannot allow such witticisms to sway my determination…
I am forced to shred your Star Trek male slash Fanfiction with the Jaws of Defeat!! Indeed, the very jaws out of which I am even now snatching a hope of eventual victory! Le Sang is not yet defeated… muahahahaha… or something like that.
A mere trifle. I gum up the Jaws of Defeat with a Cinema-Sized Box of Jujubes, and return with an equally sticky attack of Yellow Marshmallow Peeps. Floss will avail you naught!
Aghast at the crime against nature that is Yellow Marshmallow Peeps, I am forced to lower myself to your level and unleash Pink Sno-Balls!!!
After harmonizing my bodily energies with the natural vibrations of the universe through transcendental mediation, I am able to flay anyone in the ring with A Crack Team of Church of Scientology Lawyers!!!
To neutralize any attorney, be it a Crack Team of Church of Scientology Lawyers or otherwise, I only have two words for you: pro bono.
Scupper, I too have studied the way of the mind and after 24 hours of continuous meditation, fasting, and enduring leg cramps to cripple an elephant, I have centered my Chi, and am now ready to impose my Will on the combatants of Ultimate Rochambo with…a Hong Kong Martial Arts Film, complete with unsynchronized voice dubbing, over-choreographed fight scenes, a long, grey-haired arch-villain with beady eyes, and melodramatic dialog and music!!! I hope you all are wearing knee pads as your legs give and you crumple to the floor begging for mercy at the sheer force of my attack!! Oh, the humanity!!!
Hong Kong Martial Arts Film trembles before the technological terror of The Death Star!
The Death Star is defeated by **A roll of Bounty[sup]TM[/sup] Paper Towels wrapped around it by Ewoks.
While you all run screaming from the saccharine cuteness of the Ewoks, you are pursued to your doom by a Flock of Seagulls and Jonathan Livingston Seagull.
A roll of Tums and a handfull of rice dipatch the seaguls with ease.
Tremble before the terror that is a cat on the keyboard. The is no defense, there is no guarding or shielding.
Mwuuaaahahaha!
A recent hard drive backup and an aerosol water bottle with a few drops of Tobasco mixed in saves the day!
Meanwhile, the 96-hour “Gary Coleman Show” marathon remains undefeated. And I’ll also send in your first-year Calculus textbook answer key with most of the problems solved incorrectly and missing most of the important steps.
Your 96-hour “Gary Coleman Show” marathon is easily thwarted by my clueless guy with a Betamax! MBWAHAHA! The tapes are eaten messily!
I counter your first-year Calculus textbook answer key with most of the problems solved incorrectly and missing most of the important steps with a lonely MIT-bound genius who will do anything for a pretty girl!
I attack with an unending supply of Q-tips! Fall before the Q-tip-gasm!
Well versed in the art of the Q-tip orgasm, I can thwart you with…sub-standard, knock-off “q-tips”.
What are you gonna do when you are faced with not flirting on the SDMB?
I’m going to take refuge in my real-life girlfriend.
you?
Oh, and I attack with the lengthy, in-depth discussion of menopausal females re: their hot flashes
Oh now goddamn, that’s just cruel…
Your paltry attack of [a] lengthy, in-depth discussion of menopausal females re: their hot flashes however is easily put aside by a concerned sons initiation of self-same conversation with his mother.
No worries here though, because <insert cheesy AOL sound effect> you’ve got pinworms.
Gross. Everybody, wash your hands!!
Well, I’m a dirty fighter. [sub]apologies, though. [/sub]
I counter your pinworms with a molasses enema and a good dose of antibiotics.
I attack you with a green carabiner and scent-free detergent!
:::Crease sits in his skybox, sipping some 18 year old MacAllan’s, watching the devastating carnage below. “I am not worthy to join, I would be smashed to pulp in mere seconds,” he thinks to himself. "Yet, I wonder…
“In the days, no, months of battle, in the Rochambo Arena, why has no one gone over to the very, very BLACK CORNER and gotten, wearing very, very BLACK TRUNKS…THE KING OF ALL THAT IS EVIL!!!?”
Crease thinks the first combatant to unleash that ultimate horror will earn his vote as the victor:::
Presumably because the scent-free detergent would make his black trunks whiter than white.
Using Pink Sno-Balls to counter Yellow Marshmallow Peeps, Scupper? Isn’t that like countering stone with stone? Hmph.