Un, I Don't Like My Church. Help Me Out Here.

In My Humble Opinion
1

No, it’s not because I’m having a crisis of faith, or that I’ve grown tired of its theology or anything. In fact, my denominations theology is what drew me to it in the first place.

No no. The problem is, I feel less like I’m going to church and more like I’m going to Church Lite™.

Here’s what I mean: In this thread, I write about how I’m disappointed with modern church music and how it sometimes leaves me cold. I want to expand on that further.

Simply put, I feel like my church, and my denomination as a whole, expects me to approach God as if he’s my “bud.” We have no stained glass, no candles, no robes, garments or vestments, no liturgy, and nothing that even hints of solemnity or reverence. My denomination favors enthusiasm and uplifting and believes that solemnity and reverence get in the way. Even our prayers lack solemnity; rather than pray in silence, the worship leader plays a catchy little melody on his keyboard while the minister leads the prayers.

I’m not sure how much longer I can keep going to church and not feeling like I’ve spent an hour with God. I want CHURCH, dammit! Give me a minister in robes, for Chrissake! (uh, sorry about that ;)) Give me liturgy, veneration, solemnity, and for the Love of All That Is Holy give me a sense that I’m approaching GOD: The Lord of the Universe and not God: Your Friend and Mine:D™.

Leaving my denomination isn’t an option. I don’t want to give up my denomination’s main theological selling points (Believer’s Baptism, baptism by immersion, and a handful of other issues). The best option I’ve come up with so far is to attend Mass on Saturday nights, just so I get my fill of what I need, and attend my regular church on Sunday mornings. But that seems a little like… cheating.

Any advice from the SDMB believers out there?

2

I’m not a believer, but the solution seems fairly obvious to me. Find a church you like better, with compatible theology.

3

Sounds to me like you need to have a talk with your minister, or DITTO what Revtim said.

4

My grandfather’s church turned into that type - enough people brought up complaints like yours so they split into two Sunday morning meetings. The early one was old style and the later one was new style. I assume it was split this way cause it seems younger worshipers would likely get up later, and they’re the ones who typically like things new and fresh.

Anyway, just talk to the people at your church. I’m sure your pastor wouldn’t look down on you cause you wanted to be more reverent to God. If all else fails, I’m with Revtim - go somewhere else.

5

Well at the risk of sounding harsh, are you in love with your demonination or you in love with Christianity? Seems like you’re limiting yourself a bunch by ruling out other denominations. The church made for you may very well be one that you’re overlooking.

6

Sorry, but this was just too funny to me since I just saw the movie Dogma for the first time last night. Buddy Christ! :slight_smile:

But anyway, I think your best option is to talk to the pastor (or whatever the head of your particular church is called) and express your concerns to him. Chances are he’ll welcome the feedback, but unless others have expressed concern as well, I don’t think he would change the way mass is run for a single person.

If that is the case, I can’t see any other choice but to tolerate the way things are run at your church, or find another denomination. Sorry!

7

You could go the route of a number of my friends - give up on organized “religion” altogether and practice your own brand of faith.

As another non-believer, I wonder why it is that people have to have the vestments, the building, the robes and gilding, the statues and songs and books and so on to affirm their faith.

Shouldn’t the faith alone be enough???

8

There are two things that come to mind in what characterizes denominations. The first is, obviously, the theology. Among the Prostestant denominations the differences can be subtle, and I’m sure there are many adults at my church that can’t recite the differences among what we believe and what other Protestant denominations believe. The second difference is the FORM of worship taken at the weekly service. Do you kneel for prayers? Are there vestments for the clergy? Do the parishioners bow in front of the cross?

My denomination has fairly formal worship, communion at most services, different vestments for the clergy depending on the church season, acolytes, candles, and processions. That’s the way I like it, and that’s a big part of what defines our corporate worship on Sundays. I’d say you have a sticky challenge if you don’t like your denomination’s form of worship, but want to stay within it.

9

Is it that you’re becoming disenchanted with your denomination or is it your particular fellowship? When I was last in NM I went to two church services at two different churches. Same denomination but radically different approaches with respect to the service.

Maybe your fellowship is trying to appeal to youth at the expense of the more traditional members. You may have just matured philosophically so that the Church Lite is no longer appropriate. Bring it up with your pastor and then see if there are other fellowships of the same denomination.

10

I’m not sure which denomination you are (unless I really overlooked something in your post), but I know exactly how you feel.

I’m Catholic, and I have a rather… split opinion on my particular parish.

I love the rather progressive and liberal attitudes and teachings. There are interfaith meetings with other denominations, the Church calendar (passed out in December for the coming year) has all major holidays on it, including ones from other faiths (Channukah and Kwanzaa are both printed!), they have the attitude that Catholocism is NOT the only way. I especially loved when, after September 11, they offered a way to send your prayers to God that was (and they credited it as so) used in Tibetan monestaries. :slight_smile:

BUT

I hate the way masses are said. They’re semi-modern, and I don’t like it. Thankfully, we still use the organ (sorry to the fans of guitar-Mass, but I wince when I hear them in Church), but everything is much more casual. Even with my appreciation of progressive attitudes, when it comes to Mass, gimme incense and Latin prayers and organs and candles and singing and chanting! I adore old-style Masses, I truly and honestly feel such a connection with God at them that I don’t mind getting up for 8am Mass on Sunday.

When I sit in the pew with the modern hymns and the piano, or the “updated” melodies for the prayers (GOD, they RUINED the melody for the Gloria! I’m still pissed about that and it was changed at least a few years ago!), I just… don’t connect. I’m sitting there but I’m not experiencing anything wonderful and magical. I’m sitting there daydreaming and yawning.

So basically, I need to find a parish that has progressive teachings and attitudes while having Latin mass with all the whiz-bang ritual. Good luck with that, huh?

11

Excuse me if I sound a tad judgemental here, but it seems to me that you are associating superfical things like clothes and organs with being close to God. You are no more closer to God when a organ is being played than when a guitar is, and God is no less present in a church when the clergy wear jeans than when they don white robes of linen. If you prefer a different style of worshipping because the other one is just “not you” that’s okay; go to another church. But realize that God is always around. It’s not up to the church to bring him to you. It is up to you.

12

I understand what you’re saying, you with the face (hee! I love that name!), BUT… sometimes you just have gut reactions to things, you know? Someone can smell honeysuckle perfume and sigh, swept away with romantic dreams and feeling peaceful. Another person can smell that same honeysuckle perfume and gag, wondering how the hell anyone can tolerate such a foul stench! I can listen to a song that I honestly like, but I start crying when I hear it. Why? Who knows? I haven’t been able to figure it out.

God is God is God is God, no matter what form the worship takes, that’s true. But everyone’s human (last time I checked), and sometimes different things will really effect you in a positive manner, even if logically only one thing (God is there, in this example) is all that matters. The mind works in mysterious ways.

13

I discussed a similar problem with my spiritual guide (a priest that lives several states away - we e-mail each every few days), not the priest at my parish. Mind you, being Catholic we still had robes and candles, etc; but I honestly didn’t like the way the priest at the parish was preaching. I’ve always felt that sometimes if you don’t like what you’re hearing, you may need to be hearing just that. However, the priest at my parish seemed so busy telling people how bad they were because they managed to make a living and weren’t homeless. If you weren’t gay of homeless or divorced, you had to be proud and lacking in spirituality. According to the tenets of my faith, both faith and works are important, but he didn’t seem to think that faith was the important thing - just good works. But if you were generous and charitable, then you were also bad because you ony did good works to make yourself feel better. It was a no-win situation unless you were already one of those he considered “disenfranchised”. In having this attitude, he disenfranchised everyone else. Finally, after discussing it at length with my other priest friend, I realized that it was okay for me to look for another parish. I go to my local Cathedral now. The priest that I use as a confessor is very young - just a year out of seminary. But he’s kind and thoughtful.

In short, I had to look to find what I needed. You can’t assume that because a congregation is a certain denomination and because it’s close to you, that it’s the right fit for you. You should be able to stay within your denomination and still find what you need, if you’re willing to look for it.

StG

14

I am justthe opposite, I prefer your church.
I am happy to sing to God, and want an uplifting, joyful time in church, not a funereal experience.
No offense. To each his own.
There are many churches out there…

15

Funny. I feel the other way. Ministers in robes on a regular basis strike me as odd and liturgies confuse me. For me, the ritual and trappings can get in the way and take my attention from where it should be to staring at the colors on the scarf and wondering if they could have been arranged to clash less, and the starkness/simplicity can add to the solemnity. (On the other hand, I really like stained glass and traditional hymns.)

Like several people have said, you didn’t list your denomination…are you sure it’s as a whole? The denomination I grew up in varied a great deal from congregation to congregation, with some geographic trends…services tended to be more structured in some parts of the country, more lax in the others. Different music ministers would stress and use different songs and styles depending (supposedly) on what their congregations wanted. So, while I’m pretty sure of the theology in any of those churches, the style could be (and was a few times) a complete shock.

Have you tried all the other churches of your denomination in a reasonable area? Have you tried the churches that are related to yours (if there are any?) where the split between your denom and the other is over something that you’re ok with?

16

I’m in the same boat. My church has a rather progressive theology (other religions are cool, homosexuality is not a sin, etc), but remains firmly Christian in its core ideology and very traditional in our services.

I’m terrible spoiled, and I know that when I move out, I may never find another church that suits me. The Unitarians are very close to my theological beliefs, but I’m still way too Christian for the services I’ve attended (no offense to UU’s on the board, they’re lovely, but they’re not for me). Others are, as you described, too touchy-feely. God is love, but God is not warm and fuzzy. He is big and terrible and mysterious, and a church service should reflect that.

I’m going to see if I can’t find a liberal Anglican church.

17

A couple of things:

No church is perfect. There will be things that you do and don’t like in every church. There may be elements of theology that you disagree with, but so long as they aren’t core or major, you can probably let them slide. It’s whether you can overlook the flaws of a particular church - whether they are in areas that you can accept or not.

Secondly, given the first item, instead of looking at what a church can do for you, consider what you bring to the church. Instead of being a consumer, be a participant. It may not rule out changing churches, and it may not override the issues you have with your current church, but it is another way of looking at it and may resolve some issues.

Thirdly, why not look outside of your denomination? I’m quite convinced that God is not Presbyterian or Anglican or Catholic. He’s God, and if it is about finding a place where you can encounter and worship Him, who cares what flavour of church that is? Again, assuming that you can find a church who has a theology that you agree with (at best) or can live with (at worst) in whatever denomination.

As for me - I have been involved in 4 different denominations over the course of my life. Theologically, they were pretty similar, but they have all had drastically different styles.

18

Well, I can sort of sympathize. I’ve been a believer all my life, but I’ve never found a church where I really fit in or felt like I belonged. (Okay, right now I’m not actively looking, but that’s partly because it can be scary dropping in on random strange churches where nobody knows me–or worse, where somebody does know me and says “What are you doing here?”)

I don’t want Church Lite. I don’t want things dumbed down or MTV-ed up. I don’t want mindless perky music for shiny happy people. I want a worship service, not a performance or a pep rally. I want the focus to be on God. If I wanted to be entertained or inspired or edified or moved, I’d get better results staying home reading books, listening to CDs, and praying on my own.

But on the other hand, there’s places like the church I grew up in, and that my parents are active members of. It’s not a bad church, but after going back there numerous times I have to conclude that it’s not for me. (Though if you’re in Springfield, rastahomie, you might want to give it a try: First Christian Church. It has the stained glass, candles, etc.) The average age there is about 70. The services are very slow-moving, low-key, soporific. I find them tedious and hard to sit still for (mentally, not physically), though that may say more about me than about them. I’m not much for ceremonies, rituals, and Going Through The Motions. I’m not a morning person to begin with, so I don’t see much point in getting myself up to go somewhere where they’re trying very hard to put me to sleep.

19

Just out of curiousity, rastahomie, what denomination are you? You mentioned Believer’s Baptism and baptism by immersion; sounds like Baptist or Southern Baptist to me, though it could be several others. There is an unbelievable amount of diversity of both theology and style within the Baptist churches, so it might be a good idea to shop around until you find one that’s a good fit in both areas. (In my area, that’s easy, because there’s a Baptist church on every other street corner. YMMV, so to speak.) Best of luck to you.

20

Restoration Movement.

Never heard of the Restoration Movement, you say? Here’s an article about us that pretty much gets it right.

For a basis of comparison, our worship services tend to be almost identical to what you’d find in a Southern Baptist (or just plain Baptist) church. Apart from some slight (and not-so-slight) theological differences, the principal difference between us and Baptists (and most other demonitations, for that matter) is the lack of a governing heirarchy.

All RM churches are without liturgy or ritual, as that is part of the historical basis of the RM itself (as the linked article makes rather clear). So it seems that the only option is to leave the denomination. But I’m not prepared to give up Believer’s Baptism by immersion, so it looks like I’m stuck here.

Sigh.