Uneven Hair Growth

How can I deal with uneven hair growth?

Hair grows faster on the left and top sides of my head than the right side of my head.

The result is that I often wake up with a “mohawk” - a bunch of hair sticking out on the left and top, and virtually no hair on the right.

This is so ****FUCKING ****ANNOYING. Is there something I can do about this uneven hair growth? Ointments for the right side of my head? Etc.?