My entire childhood was this way, but the worst year was the one where my little brother’s main gift was a Nintendo (the original) and mine was an ALF stuffed toy.
I don’t focus so much on dollar amounts with my kids, but I do try to get the same number of toys of the same general “coolness”. They’re still really young, so quantity is important, and it’s not fun anyway to be sitting there with nothing to left to open and watch your brother opening five more things.
I noticed it back then. It’s hard not to notice it when you’re getting the exact same thing as your brother year after year, regardless of what either of you might have actually wanted/needed. I did start to feel insulted back then, too; it became obvious that my parents didn’t realize that my brother and I might, I dunno, mature eventually; they figured out a system early on that they thought was foolproof, so they stuck with it. I’m not saying that it caused any lasting emotional damage or anything, but it’s something I remember.
And, like some others here, they still do it. My brother and I are now both in our 30s, and our parents divorced in the mid '80s, but to this day neither of them can get something for one of us without feeling like they have to get something for the other. It’s really quite ridiculous.
(I wish they could have read the magazine article that norinew mentioned! :))
Of course she didn’t: you can’t appreciate not being insulted until you’ve been insulted.
My parents have always been awesome about this; they never counted the number of gifts they gave me and my brother at Christmas, but they always tried to spend the same amount of money on each of us. And some years when the numbers were pretty uneven (like when he got a video game system and I got a bunch of clothes) they always made sure that we knew that they had spent the same money (even if I had 10 packages to unwrap and he had 3).
Not so much gift-wise, or at least, we didn’t usually spend Christmas with them, so I have no idea what went on there, but when we spent a couple of weeks in the summers with my paternal grandparents, Grandma go overboard trying to be ‘fair’ to our cousins, whom she openly favored.
We lived a good 5-6 hour drive from them all, and it stands to reason that she’d feel closer to the cousins who live 1/2 hour from her than we, living across the state. My brother and I are close to our cousins to this day, so note that we know it wasn’t their fault.
It was always a big deal to us to spend a day at Worlds of Fun. My cousins, who lived closer to it, could pretty much go whenever they wanted, so to them it wasn’t a big thing.
I distinctly remember one summer when she called my aunt to set up the date, and was told that the cousins had just been there with their church youth group, and really didn’t want to go back so soon. So we didn’t get to go, because it wouldn’t be ‘fair’ to go without them, even when they’d explicitly stated they weren’t interested.
She was always doing petty crap like that to us, because she didn’t like my mother.
In our family I think there’s an element of “who’s more fun to shop for.” One of my sisters has this twisted streak—she loves juvenile, tacky, absurd stuff. If you are embarrassed to walk out of the store with it (well, within reason), she’ll probably love it. Potty jokes, booger gag gifts—she loves 'em. She’s fun to shop for. So she sometimes gets “extra” gifts. Hell, I gave her extra gifts this year. It’s hard to resist. 
For my 5th or 6th birthday, my mother had a birthday party for me, invited a bunch of kids over I hardly knew, gave them nice party favors, and didn’t let them give me any presents. And she didn’t let me win any of the party favors! A 5-6 year old is NOT ready to turn their birthday party into a charity event for disadvantaged children. Her heart was in the right place, these kids had a rough life, but it was a crazy expectation to have of me at that age.
I had 2 cousins, one exactly my age, who I saw a lot of at Christmas. The fact of the matter was my family was poor and their family wasn’t. The grandparents and other family did try to make it up to me. In one sense it was difficult to face the comparison all the time, when he was no smarter or no better behaved, why did he get way better stuff? On the other hand, I think I came out ahead of where I would otherwise have been, present-wise, because people didn’t want the contrast to be too blatant.
Yes, my perspective on this has matured with age. In the spirit of the thread, though, I’m sharing how I experienced this stuff as a child.
Congratulations. You should be proud.
I decided this year, my son is to the point where he needs a cell for special occasions (school dances, basketball games, going out with friends, etc.). It won’t be an every day thing, I am against a 14y.o. kid having a cell just to have one. So after doing some research, I got him a nice pre-paid phone.
I knew my daughter would lust after it; she’s been bugging me for a mobile for almost a year. She just doesn’t have any excuse to have one. I had to find something that would inspire an equal amount of jealousy in her brother. She ended up getting a DVD/VCR combo. She’s earned it; she has better grades.
They both understood why they each got what they got, and pandemonium did not ensue. All in all, a good Christmas.
I can’t say as Theo and I ever really noticed any kind of unfairness in our present getting; for one thing, we’re not really the type to tot each thing up on a balance board, regardless of the occasion.
This year I did notice that Theo got a boom box in addition to the rest of his stuff, but then, he did just move out with his gf. That’s the way a lot of things work: in general we get the same amount, and any disparity was explained by special circumstances (one of us needed money/graduated/had just moved out, etc.)
I’m not sure if we were ever really taught this or if it’s just a matter of temperament – probably both. Anyway, Hamish and I never argue about who’s buying more food/paying more bills, either.
My wife’s friend is recently divorced. Her ex-husband gave her $400 to buy Christmas gifts for their two children.
She spent $325 on the daughter, buy her about 10 things and $75 on the son, buying him 3 things.
The reason was becaue she knew the daughter would throw a fit if she didn’t get everything she asked for and the son wouldn’t.
Not only did my younger sister get great stuff for her October B-day, she would also get great stuff on December 25th, which was my Birthday. I got crap. Mostly used books or clothes. One year she got two life size dolls, one for her B-day, one for X-mas. I got a little baby doll.
Mom always liked her best. When we grew up, she wouldn’t let us visit the house at the same time because “you make her so nervous.” She would get to go home at Xmas and her B-day. Not me.
My little sister was always the greedier, needier one. She’d constantly be begging for this that and the other thing. Mom turned her down a lot, but I strongly suspect that she ended up with more loot in general.
On the other hand, I think that Mom was well aware of this, and I knew even as a little kid that my restraint would pay off. If I told Mom that I wanted something, she knew that it wasn’t just a passing I-see-it-I-want-it thing like it was with my sister, and I’d almost always get the stuff I asked for, even if it was a big-ticket item and I had to wait for it.
This is true for me too. My mom’s easy to buy stuff for because she will like and use almost any gadget, no matter how whacky. Dad, on the other had, if far more difficult to buy for.
For my dad it was more a matter of being clueless than trying to be fair. He simply did not know me very well and, unlike my sister, I wasn’t constantly asking for things. So he figured if my sister liked and wanted something I must like it too.
When I was 9 and my sister was 12, she wanted a rabbit fur coat. We both got one for Christmas. I absolutely detested the thing but I wore it so my dad’s feelings wouldn’t be hurt. I gave mine away a few years later.
A couple of years after that my sister wanted a gold nugget ring. I hate yellow gold jewelry. I always have. I much prefer silver, platinum or white gold. We both got gold nugget rings for Christmas that year. I wore mine a couple of times then put it in my jewelry box where it stayed until it disappeared a few years later. I strongly suspect my sister stole it. I have very valid reasons for this suspicion.
My sister always collected heart jewelry. I loathe hearts. So when we were in our early twenties we both got gold heart necklaces. I wore mine a few times to make my dad happy then put it away.
My family never had much money so being the youngest of four children I received a lot of hand-me-downs. Even when I was very young I understood the reasoning behind it all. I was very lucky though. My mom understood what it was like to always get hand-me-downs so she went out of her way to make sure I got the really important things I needed; like time with her and her friendship. That was always more important to me than material items.
The best gift I ever got was a binder that belonged to my sister. At the start of the new school year my sister insisted on new school supplies so my mom couldn’t afford to get me new supplies too. She took my sister’s old binder and painted jungle animals sitting down reading books on it. It was completely unique and original. No one else had one like it. I was six years old at the time and I still treasure that binder.
I’m 31 now. My father is still clueless. My sister is still greedy. And I still have the most awesome mother.
This is pretty much how I do things, too. For Christmas, I generally try to get each child one “major” present that I think they will enjoy, as well as a few minor presents, but I don’t count them or add up how much I spent on each child. I admit that I probably spend more on my 13yo daughter than I do on my 10yo son, but that’s mainly because the things she really wants AND will use are generally more expensive than what my son wants. However, I know both of them very well, and I think I do a good job of choosing presents that they want as individuals.
Gifts they get from others are a different story, though. Our daughter regularly got a check and/or a savings bond every year for her birthday from their (only surviving) great-grandmother, but said great-grandmother NEVER sent anything at all to our son. As a result, our daughter now has about $700 in savings bonds, while our son has nothing. The only reason for this that we can think of is that our son is disabled (with hearing problems and low muscle tone), and the great-grandmother just didn’t want to acknowledge his birthday because of that.
I am one of four siblings, though, and our mother was VERY careful to make sure that we got exactly the same amount of stuff. My sister and I were only 14 months apart, so we pretty much got exactly the same things every year for Christmas, until I wisely pointed out that it kind of ruined our Christmas surprise because we knew as soon as the other one opened a package that we were going to get exactly the same thing. My two brothers also pretty much got identical presents for a while.
Now that we’re all grown up, she feels guilty about the fact that she can’t give us all the same things any more, and that she’s likely to spend more money on one of us than the other. But this is based on need, not favoritism, so it doesn’t bother any of us in the least.
I’m from a pretty big family (three sibs and about fiddy-kabillion cousins). One of my aunts once made a point of proudly stating, “I treat ALL my children exactly the same” to which my mother repiled, “Why, are they clones?” Mom was pretty good about being fair in gift-giving at Christmas, although my sister and I may have come out slightly ahead of our brothers in the birthday department - my birthday is Dec. 31, hers is Jan. 11, so Mom boosted the attention level a bit to compensate for all the relatives who tried to skunk us with double-duty gifts.
My daughter and my niece are 14 weeks apart in age, and THAT’S where things get interesting. They’re the only two kids in my husband’s family. When they were teeny, the grandparents and great-aunts pretty much bought them all the same things, but as the girls grew older, their interests couldn’t have been more different if they’d been born on separate planets. I have to give the elders a lot of credit. They ask the girls for wish lists and they always try to get each one of them something unique and special - this year my daughter got a new noble costume for the Ren Faire, while my niece got a sheep (no, really.)
Like a living, breathing, “baa-baa” sheep? :eek:
That would have to be the coolest gift ever! 
(Hopefully they don’t live in an apartment.)
Yep! Her name is Amelia (the sheep, not the niece). For her birthday in April she’s getting chickens. They recently bought an old farmhouse, technically within city limits, but zoned for farming. The kid is beside herself with glee.
My kid is a city-gal through and through. She’s getting Bowling For Soup tickets for her birthday.
Hm…well, if we’re counting graduation presents…
My parents gave me a car using the money I saved them by graduating from college after three years instead of four.
My sister won’t be graduating early (not that she couldn’t, intellectually speaking, but her program of study is sort of a set-in-stone five-year thing). She’ll be paying almost the amount of the fifth year’s tuition from program-related internship earnings, but…it’s clear that there’ll be no car for her.
Now, I always understood that I was basically trading in my fourth year of college for some other way to get set up in life, and so my parents’ reasoning here makes a certain amount of sense to me. But it’s gotta feel awfully unfair to my sister, all the same.
I have two younger sisters - they’re 10 and 11 years younger than I am. Even as an adult, it is sometimes difficult for me to see them getting brand new cars from my Dad while mine is still a heap in the front. It’s never really been equitable there, but I’ve never really expected it to be - I didn’t live with him between the ages of 3 and 16, and then only for about a year and a half until I was 17. My sisters, on the other hand, have always been with him. It is still sometimes hard though not to feel a little left out, even if I am an adult and don’t expect anything anyway.
The story pasunejen tells reminds me of another story of gift-giving that might have seemed, on the surface, unfair. When my husband’s brother got married, his greedy troll of a wife (they’re not married any more) demanded that the rehearsal dinner, paid for by his parents, be at a fancy-schmancy sit-down restaurant. When hubby and I married 11 months later, I agreed to have our rehearsal dinner at a local buffet, as a favor to my FIL’s wallet. A week later, my new in-laws showed up at our door with a top-of-the-line microwave oven that they had bought with the money they saved on the rehearsal dinner! I totally wasn’t expecting it, but was delighted to have it. In fact, that thing just bit the dust last year, after 15 years of faithful service. Greedy troll sister-in-law, of course, got no microwave. And her rehearsal dinner only lasted for a couple of hours! Haha!