Unintentionally hilarious moments in computer games

Earlier this evening, I was playing a mission in Stronghold where my opponent would repeatedly send raids to try to destroy my tiny castle. Hunters (used to gather food) function like archers if there are enemies nearby. Normally they would get mowed down, but as I was playing I noticed something really funny.

The computer likes to send engineers out first to build siege engines. A hunter happened to be in the direct path of the engineers. Engineers are really weak- one arrow kills them. So I was greatly amused when my lone hunter killed the engineers, one by one, and saved my castle from destruction under the hands of countless catapults and battering rams.

When my lone Spearman, the only unit left defending one of my cities, managed to destroy two Ottoman tanks. I foud that amusing.

Didn’t think it was funny when it was the other way round, though.

Game: Sid Meier’s Civilization III: Conquests

[Civ rant]Civ II fixed that problem, why the hell did they take a step backwards with Civ III? Idiots![/Civ rant]

Maybe they farmed development out to a Polish team. :wink:

In Everquest. There was about 4 of us auto following our guildmate as we were running by Kael Drakken in Velious. We got into a huge debate over whether golf should be considered a sport or not. Our guildmate who was leading everyone was an avid golfer so he was very into the conversation. He put on auto run so that he could type out long arguements in support of golf. Well, he wasn’t paying attention to where he was going and fell off a cliff and died. The funny thing is, we all the saw the cliff and stopped.

The James Bond game that came out right after Goldeneye (sorry, forgot the name). I meant to save and quit, but somehow, I restarted the mission. “Oh, well,” I thought, “I’ll just do something to screw up the mission and it’ll end, then I’ll quit without resaving.” So I shot M. I don’t know exactly what I was expecting–maybe M would stagger and acted shocked, then there’d be some “You traitor!” speech followed by “YOU LOSE!!”


M dropped like a rock.

I was totally caught off guard. After all, I’d sometimes had to shoot bad guys 15 times before they died. It took about half a second for the shock to turn into helpless laughter!

And it didn’t even work–all I got was “mission failed” on the screen and I still had to let the baddies kill me before I could quit without risking my previous save.

Do your units routinely get stuck in the corner of round rooms? :slight_smile:

No, but I’ll be damned if they screw in a lightbulb.

Civilization 3 – When the AI was sending its little settlers out all over the globe, as it is wont to do, some of them landed in a rather worthless strip of land near me that I hadn’t bothered colonizing, mainly due to the fact it was equal parts tundra and mountains. The settlers took one look at the area in which they would soon be living in, and, um, commited suicide. It was so utterly hilarious, as I had never seem them do that before.

Heroes of Might and Magic 2 – The AI in this game has some truly bizzare quirks, including an unrequited love of boats. One of the silliest ways to stop the AI is to find a lake near him, and summon a boat there. His heroes (this AI is male) will spend all his time getting into the boat, puttering around in the lake, getting out of the boat, getting back in, returning to wear he started, etc, that it was absolutely absurd.

Baldur’s Gate 2 – When I got to the point in the romance subplot that my paramour was pregnant. Now this is normally fine, were it not for the fact that I had installed a patch to allow my female protaganist to romance her in the first place. Isn’t the quote here “Someone else shot that bear”?

Civ II: If the world map is set to wrap east-west (the default), and there is a water path that circumnavigates the globe, you have to be careful when you send ships across the “International Date Line” (that is, where the map edge would be if it didn’t wrap). Moving your ships manually with the cursor keys is fine, but if you try to give them move orders with the mouse they will refuse to cross the line. Instead they attempt to go the long way around.

I also get a kick out of Ghandi threatening to nuke me. Although in one game he had nukes and the UN, which meant he could attack me then force a peace treaty. My world standing took a nosedive but I kicked his ass after a prolonged nuclear exchange.

In the X-Files CD-ROM game, if you pointed your gun at Skinner, he’d look at you and say, “Don’t do that.” I found his tone absolutely hilarious. It was neither deadpan, nor nervous. Just vaguely irritated. It was as though you were, oh, I don’t know, rearranging objects on his desk, or sticking a pencil up your nose.

“Don’t do that.”

Such a beautiful Mitch Pileggi moment. Whenever I got bored with the game, I’d go find Skinner and point my gun at him.

If you actually shoot him, you get arrested and lose the game, though.

Wasn’t there a game once where you shot at kangaroos, but because of a glitch in the program, the kangaroos would occasionally shoot back?

That wasn’t a game – it was a military helicopter simulator. They used infantry AI models for the kangaroos – but didn’t count on the folks they were making the presentation to strafing wild animals. They kangaroos would just scatter in response to a flyby, which is sensible enough – but returned fire when fired upon. :smiley:

This may well be an urban legend, but it’s a damned funny story.

The funniest thing that i had was in Age of Empires II. My SO and I used to create maps, and then play as a team, against an immensely bright computer opponent.

Well, once we were playing against the Koreans, and they have these War Wagons, which are a type of siege/cavalry I guess.

Anyway, I was building - you have to be Johnny-quick on these maps, since the computer works fast. I looked up, and saw a whole line of trade caravans marching toward me across the screen. Or so I thought…it was only like the second or third time I’d played at that point.

“What”, I wondered aloud into Roger Wilco, “are all those trade caravans doing?”

My SO looks, and says "Shit! They’re not supposed to do that!’ You see, he had set them to water attack only, and the computer changed its strategy and sent hordes of War Wagons. The combination of me being completely clueless of what they were, and him panicking.


…still makes me crack up, even now.

Unintentionally funny moments? Must…not…say…it…

Sorry, I can’t hold out…

“All your base belong to us”

In World Of Warcraft, the dwarves who are the Flight Masters enable you to ride Gryphons from place to place. They all have stock things that they say as you deal with them, and sometimes, as you take off, they will tell you “Keep yer feet on the ground!” :smack:

It is, in large part, true.

So kangaroos killed choppers by throwing beach balls at them. That is even better than the version that usually gets retold.

The most common form of the story is part true, part sensationalized.

Fallout 2; boxing match, I’m losing. So I took off the boxing gloves and punched without them on.

“You have critically hit [boxer’s name that I’ve forgotten] for 0 damage. Unfortunately, his spine is now visible from the front.”