Unintentionally hilarious things your elders have said

I’ve been thinking about this over the last few days… I’m sure that there are LOTS of things your parents or other older people have said to you. (those funny things that stick in your mind forevermore) I myself have a bunch, and I’ll share some.

  1. There was the time that my siblings and I were discussing Canadian R&B for some reason. (I think we were talking about the debuts on the MuchMusic Top 30 that week) My sister made the statement that most Canadian R&B wasn’t that good anymore, except for Deborah Cox. Then my mother turns around and goes, “Canadian ARMPIT?!?” We all laughed at that… even my dad was smiling. (later on, we agreed that the armpit thing was a good analogy)

  2. My siblings and I were discussing a friend of a friend, whose name was Sylvester. When my dad overheard us, he asked: “Isn’t Sylvester a DOG?” No, Dad… he’s a cat.

  3. My brother and I were discussing my friend Jason, whose last name rhymes with “stings.” Our mother overheard us, and promptly called him “East Hastings.” (this kind of thing is very typical for her) We tried not to laugh at her…

  4. On Tuesday, my brother and I were discussing the upcoming wedding of my friends Lily and Lee. (they got married today) Mom overhears us and asks: “Who’s Lillian Lee?” We told her that the people under discussion were Lily LastName and Lee LastName.
    There are more, but I can’t think of them right now. Share your funny stories! :slight_smile: (examples of things people – especially parents – said that they didn’t mean to be funny, but they were anyhow)

F_X

My art teacher, after being criticized for not giving us enough artistic license with assignments: “Just pretend that I’m your client, paying you with an imaginary currency called Marks.”

Everyone cracked up.

And people wondered why I left that class.

Last week my mother informed my brother and I that we were both a pain in her asses.

My mom: “Is this a natural lake?”

Which wouldn’t be so bad, if we hadn’t been standing on the scenic overlook point overlooking the 200-foot-tall dam. :eek:

Me: “Yeah, it is. The Corps of Engineers just built that because the boats kept falling over the edge of the 200-foot wall of water.” :stuck_out_tongue:

I actually knew someone who was nicknamed “East Hastings.” Yes, he looked just how you’d imagine him. (Hint for folks who’ve never laid eyes on East Hastings: He looked rough. Really, really rough.)
(Hey Flamster, I’m in your neighborhood for a coupla days!)

My religious knowledge teacher spent 20 mins expounding to a class of us 14 year olds on the CessPit that is the Modern Media, with all these naked wimmin and such like, and finished off by saying “But I don’t know, maybe you guys become hardened to all this pornography and nudity” .

My mom: “Why don’t you boys just go outside and play with yourselves” after a steady bout of typically guy ripping on each other one afternoon.

An older friend of mine: “Something that really bothers me is all these shirts the girls wear that always say something right across the chest. I always feel really weird trying to read it because i always feel like I’m ogling them… Sometimes I just feel like saying ‘excuse me but would you mind taking off your shirt so I can read it?’”–He realized his mistake VERY quickly.

Well this sorta fits. My grandma was in church and praying in front of the Sunday school class of about 90 people (about 5 yrs ago) and I guess she had been thinking about food cause she said “Dear Lord, please bless this food and keep us nourished, we thank you. Amen.” she realized she had accidentally said our traditional family dinner prayer, and opened her eyes really fast and ran to the bathroom…

“grace”

Believe me, Jason does not look anything like East Hastings! My mom always does that for some reason, though… making for hilarious comments.

You are, eh? Sounds good to me… email may be on its way, I make no guarantees. :wink:

F_X

Here’s a couple more I just thought of:

  1. My mom to my sister a couple of weeks ago: “Isn’t Ottawa in Quebec?” (this is while my sister’s booking their flight to the Maritimes online) My sister was gobsmacked at Mom’s lack of basic Canadian geography knowledge… especially given that Mom’s been in Canada for over 30 years. :eek: (for people who don’t know, Ottawa is in Ontario… a totally different province)

  2. My mom got confused one Sunday breakfast. I was wearing a fluorescent pink top, and sitting in front of some very fragrant guava. She said, “Isn’t her shirt forensic pink? And isn’t that fragrant fruit called a foie gras?” My siblings and I were trying very hard not to laugh as we explained the difference between “forensic” and “fluorescent”, and between “guava” and “foie gras.” (suffice to say that guava is NOT duck liver)

F_X

Yeah, you morons. Make fun of your parents while you can. Hopefully, you’ll be out on the streets in a few years. Eventually, you may experience first-hand how cool it is to have to work to provide for a smartass teenager. Hah.

  • PW

We’re not smartass teenageers, PW. Can I help it if something my parents or other people have said is hilarious?

(BTW, I’m approaching 30)

F_X

I used to work at this mind-numbing and soul-sucking job (well, I guess most jobs are these kind of jobs) that was extremely repetitive and pedantic. My views towards said job were obvious, and in an effort to get me interested in my work my boss says: “Pretend it’s a game. Try and score yourself on how thorough you are. Then try and beat that score.”

This wouldn’t be that funny, but this is almost word-for-word what Principal Skinner tells Bart to do in sharpening pencils when Bart forgets his permission slip. Absolutely classic.

I think it’s funny when parents use slang to sound “hip” and “with it” when talking to kids, but fail miserably because the phrases they use are years out of date. For example, my dad used the words “groovy” and “far-out” well into the 80’s.

my best friend was watching tv with her grandmother. an ad for a rod stewart concert came on. her grandmother said, “i don’t know why that girl thinks she can sing.” my friend and i crack up over that every time rod comes on the radio. :smiley:

poiema, that reminds me of the Sunday my brother and sister got baptized. My brother had invited his friend Mike to see him get baptized at church. We were driving my grandma home after church, and my grandma asked Jon if Mike was a girl. (thankfully, she doesn’t know how to say this in English… so asked him in Chinese)

Now, Mike has rather long hair which was tied up in a ponytail that day… but Grandma must have seen Mike’s face at some point during lunch, at least. My brother and I thought it was funny… not sure he ever told Mike this, though.

F_X

In 8th grade, we got a new principal, (another nun).

We used to have basketballs to take outside during recess (after lunch), and before we went inside, we said the Pledge of Allegiance, rather than saying it every morning.

Well, some of the guys would dribble the balls during the pledge. Sr. Leona got on the loudspeaker and said, “You should not be playing with your balls during the pledge!”

EVERYONE lost it. Including the teachers.

My dad was telling me about a guy he worked with one time. I guess it was one of those things where he was trying to say two things at once, because I believe what he was trying to say is “he’s a dick” and “he’s walking around with a chip on his shoulder” simultaneously.

What he ended up saying was:

“He’s walking around with a dick on his shoulder”

That’s been several years ago now and I still laugh every time I think about it.

I’ve told this story before, but it fits here and there may be one or two who missed it. My dad was heading up a fund-raising effort at my high school when the choir was invited to sing in Rome. He wanted to let us know that the principal had a contingency plan in case we came up a little short.

Dad meant to use the expression “ace up his sleeve”, but he crossed it with “ace in the hole” and wound up telling the acapella choir that our principal had an ace up his hole.

The early '70s were pretty much sartorial Hell. Think of the interim between hippie fasion and disco wear. At the dinner table one night my older brother was wearing a scarf-as-tie kind of deal (he was dressed up for a date), and as he leaned over his plate, my mother admonished him:

"Be careful not to get your Ascot in your dinner."

We still use this line at family get togethers today, some thirty years after the fact.
(A couple of years ago I took my daughter (then 12) to see Apollo 13. She saw the clothes worn by Lovell’s kids in the movie, and asked, perfectly seriously, if the movie took place at Holloween. I had to tell her that, no, dear, that is how kids dressed in 1972…)