There are some truths so ancient, so timeless, so eternal (so redundant), and so universal, that I’m surprised that Einstein did not try to fit them into a Theory of Everything. And some of these thruths leave evidence all around your kitchen. Let’s examine a few:
-The “heels” on a loaf of bread are mere packaging. They should be discarded much as you’d discard the wax coating on gouda cheese.
-The top (whole) slice in a loaf of bread is not only stale, it is pure poison. In fact, to be on the safe side, one should reach down by at least 3 or 4 slices.
-Any sandwich not made from slices of bread which were originally adjacent to each other in the sleeve will not line up, thus causing a rift in the space-time continuum. This will render the sandwich inedible.
-If you move into a new home with a completely empty kitchen, within a year a steamer basket will materialize in a kitchen drawer. A working hypothesis is that said steamer baskets are actually synthesized from lost socks.
-Old jars of jelly don’t die. They quietly migrate to the back of the refrigerator where they form a thin pool of colored water on top.
-By state and federal law, every refrigerator in the US must contain a jar full of pickle juice. No said jar may contain more than 1 pickle slice.
-The best condiment for a hot dog is a tablespoon or two of clear, cool water. Mustard squeeze-bottle dispensers know this.
-Every refrigerator contains the wadded up remains of a butter wrapper. In some cases said wad will have 1/8 teaspoon of rancid butter at its core. This must not be discarded under any circumstance.
-Every refrigerator will have, at the back of the middle shelf, a small hard nut. This object was likely once a citrus fruit.
-Every pantry contains a box of spaghetti with no more than 3 strands of said product therein.
-No plastic container has a matching lid. No lid has a matching container. Every paired set has absconded from the home, each likely containing a single sock.
-The stuff in the strainer has a mind of its own.