Unreasonable about roommate and his guns?

In My Humble Opinion
1

This is long, but interesting, I hope.

I have been living with my roommate, let’s call him Matt, for about two years now. Overall, we get along great despite being very different people. He’s gaming at 4 in the morning, Dachshunds, snakes, and Eminem. I’m computer science, Terry Pratchett, gym, and learning German. (Ha he’s clean, and that counts for a lot in my book.)

Now, Matt likes guns. He grew up with them and likes to go to the shooting range and hunt with his father and brother-in-law. I don’t like the violence of guns, but I’m neutral about responsible private possession. That’s to say, I don’t think I would ever own one, but I am VERY much for personal freedom, so if you want it and it isn’t hurting anyone, live your life and be happy, for goodness sakes.

Point 1:
About a year ago, Matt bought a gun and didn’t tell me. I came home and he was handling it on the table. He said, “Yeah, I probably should have told you, right?” But he said it with a smile, and don’t get the wrong idea: I wasn’t freaked out or anything. I trust him. But it was a tiny red flag, because that is a major purchase that should have been discussed, in my opinion.

Point 2: I threw a party and invited some coworkers. Matt was invited, of course, and we all partook rather heavily. Enough that none of us were driving. Amidst the music and general good cheer, we start talking about hobbies, and guns come up. A few dissenting opinions from my friends, but that’s like any topic. Matt assures them that guns are safe. The next thing we know, Matt comes down the stairs, gun in hand, to show us how safe it is. I am so shocked that I laugh behind the counter. Two of my friends hit the floor. Matt tells us it’s unloaded and takes it back upstairs. We kind of laugh it off, but the next day, we sit down and have a serious talk about how that can’t happen again. Resolved, and it doesn’t come up again for a year. Until a few days ago.

Point 3: Matt’s brother has fallen on hard times and is looking for a place to stay. As luck would have it, we just moved to a new place (our old landlord was being irresponsible), but we still had a few months on the lease. So we said he could take one of our old rooms. Since Matt rarely sees his brother (his brother is one of those types who kind of falls in and out of people’s lives, apparently), they start hanging out. One night, they get into a huge physical fight at the old place after drinking. Matt comes in at 4 in the morning and knocks on my door. I just happen to be up since I’m working on a project for grad school. Matt says, “I’m going to fucking kill him.” He’s drunk, of course, and that’s when I get the story. I turn my head for a second, and Matt has gone for his Ruger and begins loading it. I have to restrain him, take the gun and the ammo, and put them in my room. After giving Matt some water, I have to use the bathroom. While I’m on the toilet, I hear a clicking sound, and then I realize that Matt has TWO GUNS. I forgot about the rifle that he purchased about six months after the Ruger. I fly up from the toilet, get my pants on, and take his rifle and the cartridge? from him and lock them in my room.

The next day, we have a serious talk. I tell him that I felt that I was physically endangered by his actions, and that I don’t feel comfortable giving him the guns back yet. We agree to sleep on it. That was last night. I’m thinking of giving him three options:

  1. I give him back the Ruger, locked, while I keep the rifle, the key to the Ruger, and the ammunition for both. At the end of two months, he can unlock the Ruger if nothing has gone wrong. At the end of another month, I give him back the rifle. At the end of another month, I give him back the ammunition. Or maybe I keep the ammunition (of course, I would have no way to verify that he didn’t purchase more).

  2. The guns are kept elsewhere, like his father’s house.

  3. I break our lease and we both have to find new places to live.

The question is (finally): Do you think I’m being unreasonable?

2

wow! up until the drunk i want to shoot him i’m loading my gun thing i was going to tell you to slagg off. but man, i dont know what to say now.

3

It’s not clear - are you two in a relationship, or just roommates? The reason I ask is because of your statement - “But it was a tiny red flag, because that is a major purchase that should have been discussed, in my opinion.” Roommates, as long as they’re making rent, don’t discuss their upcoming personal purchases with each other in my experience.

But yeah, 2 was a complete violation of firearms safety rules, and 3 is a dealbreaker tells me he’s not really capable of owning them at all. I own firearms, and one of my bedrock rules is never even think about taking them out of the safe when I’ve been drinking. So I’d say if you’re just roommates, it time to part ways, and if you’re in a relationship, it’s time for a “You’re not responsible enough to own firearms” discussion.

4

Completely agree. Points 1 and 2 are no big deal. A roommate doesn’t have to discuss such a purchase, and guns are indeed safe if owned and handled responsibly. Some of the OP’s friends are close-minded and over-reacted.

Then we get to Point 3. :confused:

If the OP took both his pistol and rifle and the ammo with little trouble, I’m guessing the roommate wasn’t serious about shooting his brother. Nonetheless, handling firearms while drunk is a bad idea. I have guns, as do many people I know, but I’ve never handled them while drunk, and have never had a situation like the OP describes. Frankly, it sounds like there is a lot of bad history between the brothers. Perhaps the OP should insist that his roommate hand over the guns when/if the brother ever visits again.

5

@muldoonthief: Oh naw, we’re not in a relationship. We randomly met when I moved into the first place–he was one of the other two tenants. I just considered a gun something like a pet–if you’re living with someone, you might want to mention, “Oh, I’m getting a dog,” to see if the person is okay with it. You’re right though–actually, guns and pets that don’t stay in a cage all day are the only two things I would feel obligated to tell my roommates about.

6

It sounds like in Point 2, the roommate was drunk as well. A drunk person shouldn’t be handling guns, even to show how safe they are.\

7

muldoonthief, you’re right. I skimmed over that line. When the alcohol goes down the gullet, the guns stay locked up. Pretty simple rule… and one that more people should remember.

8

Yeah, red alert - I don’t care if he wasn’t serious about killing the guy; he’s utterly callous about gun safety and someday there will be an “accidental discharge” that might kill someone.

9

You have a peculiar relationship with Matt. Option 1 sounds like a parent discussing a 12 year old’s toy he had to take away.

10

If a roommate was keeping propane gas on the premises, I’d want to okay it first. Ditto a gun.

Because, you know, these things are potentially more dangerous than most items of personal property.

Also, let’s face it, gun people and non-gun people see the world very differently. Not down to the last man and woman, certainly, but in general. Gun people think they’re protecting themselves by owning guns. Non-gun people think they’re creating a safer environment for themselves and those who live with them by not having any guns on the premises.

For that reason, for a gun person to just assume that it’s OK to bring a gun into a shared living situation without asking first is being pretty clueless, IMHO - as long as it’s genuine cluelessness, and not jerkitude. Because how oblivious do you have to be about the debates over guns in our society to not realize that different people have very different attitudes towards guns in their personal space?

11

Yes, it does sound rather like a parent or spouse/ SO trying to figure out how to deal with a behavioural issue.

If I were in your shoes I would be concerned about what might happen if I got in to an argument with this guy. That alone would have me seriously considering moving out, lease be damned.

12

@PacifistPorcupine: My logic for option 1: I’m in my last semester of grad school, and I plan to have a job by the end of June. At which point I’ll find someone to take my place on the lease, and I’ll move out. So my reasoning was that by the time he got his guns back with ammo, I would be out of the place.

13

Does the roommate have a car? Because objectively, that’s more dangerous than both of what you cited combined.

14

bongo5, before implementing Number 1 (which IMHO is a terrible idea anyway), you should investigate the firearms law in your state. If they’re in your room and under your control, and you don’t have the required permit/license/etc for them, you could be opening yourself to legal trouble.

15

Re keeping the guns, you’re not his mommy.

That being said, the whole drunk with guns and loading the Ruger and the rifle to kill his brother? Are you effing kidding me? This is not a person who should own guns.

What are you still doing there? Or what is he still doing there? What happens if he gets drunk and pissed off at you and he went out and bouught a third gun without your knowledge?

16

@muldoonthief: That is a very good point that I hadn’t considered.

@all: Yes, I think I would normally just move out, no questions asked. Some context: we just moved into this place. As in, move-in was February 7.

17

I think I’d tell him that he’s got two options, and either one will be no-harm no-foul for you:

  1. He puts the gun in some off-site storage–whether his parents house, a storage facility, the Pacific Ocean, whatever–and they stay there until the end of the lease, and NO MORE GUNS until the end of the lease.
  2. You’ll move out as soon as you can with no penalties.

I could be wrong, but threatening to kill someone and then immediately loading a gun sounds to me like it might not be legal, and you’d be well within your rights to file a police report, and that wouldn’t be anything close to an overreaction. If anything, my idea of giving him choices might be a foolish under-reaction: your roommate sounds genuinely scary, and your best bet might be to find somewhere to stay tonight and to hire a moving van for this weekend.

18

Well, first, I’d see what he has to say once he sobers up, before laying down any ultimatums.
But if a friendly conversation doesn’t get to something like #2, then let him know it’s 2 or 3.

Don’t hold onto his guns; that’s just inviting him to be resentful and pissed off at you (which is generally bad when there are guns in the house and he knows where they are. I don’t think you have a 800 pound safe in your room, do you?)

19

Point 1) I see no problem here

Point 2) If while drinking and conversing the shared hobby of shooting sports is discovered, the proper action is to propose a meeting at a range sometime. Leaving the room and returning with a weapon is not okay.

Point 3) I would have called the police, personally. Loading a gun and threatening someone’s life is an unforgivable breach of responsible firearm ownership.

20

I’d start planning to move out. I certainly wouldn’t wait around to find out what happens if I got in an argument with the roommate since he has already made an effort to use his new weapon on his brother. Sure, the guy was drunk then but that will be small consolation when he is pointing the gun at you.

The question isn’t about guns, it’s about violent drunks.