Also, that you’d compare your girlfriend to a bad employee that needs to be fired is telling.
How you provide suggestions is just as important as the suggestion itself. This is something I have learned over the years.
Instead of saying, “You added cinnamon and sugar before steaming! That’s wrong!!” Say something along these lines:
“Mmm, this pie is good. But are you tasting cinnamon and sugar? Me either. I am wondering if it’s because the cinnamon and sugar was added before steaming. I am wondering if it might be better to add them after steaming. What are your thoughts? Perhaps it’s something we can experiment with.”
Yea, it’s a bit disingenuous. But at least it doesn’t make them feel like a hopeless failure.
I would agree with you here but this is where it gets funny. I didn’t even realize this until I started this thread. She sensed my fear in approaching her and started playing on that, I kept becomming more and more tactful until there was no where else to go and then I became angry. She actually gets some enjoyment out of screwing with me. This took place over a two year period and I just very recently started becoming more adamant about making corrections. We are getting ready to go grocery shopping in a few minutes. When we go through the vegi department any vegi I pick out will be immediately put back and she will pick a different one. So now all I do is push the cart. At first I thought that was kind of cute but I am starting to see a pattern.
So what?
Honestly. Unless she is force-feeding you pies you don’t want to eat, why the fuck are you making such a big deal out of this. Everything you have written in this thread makes you sound horribly strict & controlling.
It’s quite telling that the examples showing of how great a teacher you are are employees and dogs. Your wife is not your employee or a pet.
I have been in both sides of this.
One ex-gfs was trying to start a business. It was a business that is very difficult in which to be successful but I very sincerely believed that she’d be excellent at it. I asked her if she wanted my help and she was very interested. So I went off and did a bunch of research and gave her advice on how others did it. She didn’t take my advice and failed in the exact way that I said would happen. This happened a couple of times and I quickly realized that I wasn’t helping and was frustrating her. I sat her down and apologized and said that I would no longer try to help unless I was asked for something specifically. She tried a few different ventures and none did well but I just sat back and was supportive and encouraging and celebrated the small successes. I adored her and I wasn’t being harmed by her attempts.
Different ex-gf. I told her not to use those flushable wipes in my plumbing. She did anyway. I spent several hundred dollars on a plumber to fix it. I asked her why she kept doing it and she showed me the text on the container that said that they are “flushable” as to why it was ok. I was like, “they don’t give a fuck about my plumbing. I do”. She still kept doing it and the next time I had to spend several thousand dollars replacing my plumbing which admittedly would have eventually had to be done anyway but still. She always did shit like this.
This probably didn’t help much.
Yes it was helpful and did pertain to my situation. My first marriage ended because of a business. We had an interior design store that started off as just carpet and window coverings. My wife was very good at running the day to day activities, and running the entire office. I handled the sales and installations. It was working like a charm and we were killing it. One of her friends was an interior designer and they started getting close, she talked her into getting thousands of dollars in sample books for fabrics and wall coverings furniture etc. She talked her into a bigger showroom and more expensive advertising. As she grew closer to the designer she started pulling away from me. We hired 3 more designers and they seem to screw up every job they took on. She sided with them and I walked away from the business. 6 months later we were divorced and the business was broke.
It sounds like the relationship has run its course. Whether she’s screwing with you or not, it looks like now you’re hardened into a place of mistrust and adamant correction that sounds impossible to overcome.
I am really starting to wake up here. I feel like I am being controlling but it is the opposite. We went to the store shopping this morning. She tells me what lane to drive in, where to put my glasses or tissue, when to signal, which shopping cart to push. I picked up a carrot and she slapped it out of my hand and said " I do"!. I never even noticed this stuff before.
I don’t think you wrote that like that on purpose, but it works.
unlike the plumbing