I don’t have the patience for screwing with telemarketers or wasting their time (they’re already wasting my time and I don’t like to waste any more of my own time along with wasting theirs). I’m usually quite rude and abrupt with them.
My friend, on the other hand, does Beavis and Butthead, Bert and Ernie, South Park, or other character impressions when telemarketers call. Some of them are amused but most of them know that he’s just going to play around with them so they hang up on him. Example:
Telemarketer: Yes, our records show that you don’t currently take the paper. My friend, doing Beavis’ voice: Uhh huhh, you mean toilet paper? Telemarketer: (Sigh) No sir, the newspaper. My friend, doing Beavis’ voice: Uhhh, huh, does that, like, come with nachos? Telemarketer: (Sigh) click
They used to call once a week, but they haven’t called him in over a year.
If i’m in a hurry:
I (very cheerfully) say “thanks for calling” and i hang up on them in one smooth motion.
If i’ve got time:
I listen enough to figure out what they are selling and launch into the story of how that very thing killed my grandparents yesterday and then I totally lose it and sob loudly into the phone.
Fuck 'em and feed 'em fishheads, if they don’t like it they should find a new line of work.
“I’m in sales too, and I know they tell you to overcome the objection, but this is a condition, not an objection. I can’t afford/don’t need this. Thanks.”
Deny that they were the “Mr.” or “Mrs.” being called, and then say: “I’ll get him/her…could you hold please?” And then just set the phone down…
We could drive up the cost of telemarketing until eventually, it would no longer be a productive or cost-effective method of marketing.
Sure, it ties up the line for as long as it takes for them to catch on, but it costs you nothing in real dollars and your small effort helps toward the better good…
As someone who works with the phone (not phone sex and not telemarketing and not in the states thanks be to christ!) I would like to say that while there may not be much entertainment value in it for you, Krispy Originals idea is the best all round. You do genuinely slow down the companies work, and you do so without being an asshole to somone who is already having a really, really shitty day. Just ask them to wait, and don’t come back.
Usually, I just say, “Sorry, not interested” and hang up. A few times, I’ve rambled on about something utterly unimportant; “Didya hear? Buffy said she believed in Spike. This is so cool. I mean, I bet they might end up together, although I’d rather see him with Willow. I mean, hello, they’ve BOTH been evil, and, besides, Willow is so cute. I wonder if Giles. . .”
And on and on and on and on. Usually, they get frustrated and hang up.
Once, though, my dad put a telemarketing call on speakerphone. He said he wasn’t interested. The telemarketer started to rebutt.
Angel: Um, you can’t do that? TM: Huh? Angel: This is Illinois. It’s a non-rebuttal state. My dad said “no,” so you have to hang up. TM: But my supervisor says– Angel: Your supervisor’s breaking the law. I used to work as a telemarketer–it’s a non rebuttal state. So. . um, have a nice day. ::quietly, in background:: [sub]Dad, hang up the phone[/sub]…
If you want to reduce the calls you get, you should ask to be put on their do-not-call list. Also ask if they are working for a company different than the one for which they are soliciting. Many times it’s a large telemarketing company. Ask to be put on that do-not-call list.
Although the it may be fun to give them a hard time, you’ll still be in the active numbers database after they hang up on you. They can continue to call you as often as they like. But if everyone asked to be put on the do-not-call list, the telemarketers would have no one left to call.
I understand that you don’t want to be called at home. I understand that it’s annoying.
But I don’t understand the wish to drive telemarketing companies out of business. Have you heard of free enterprise? Capitalism? Does it not occur to you that by putting companies out of business you are harming the US’s economy?
Call centers employ many, many people with varying levels of education in fairly cushy, decently paying jobs. This is something to put an end to?
Seriously, get your name off of the lists, and stop pissing and moaning.
(Brought to you by an employee of a fairly large direct marketing company.)
The absolute worst ones are the calls where there isn’t even another person on the line…the “Please hold for a very important message, our operator will be with you shortly.” These one’s usually aren’t just cold-calls, but rather a bank or something calling about a due payment, but still, if they want to talk to me, they can call me. I refuse to wait around for them to get on my case.
My standard response is, “I’m sorry, but this phone is used for business purposes and we have a no-solicitation policy.” (If you think about it, it’s not even much of a fib - most phones are ocassionally used for business, and the owner is free to make what policies he wishes.) It’s said in a rather sorrowful tone, as if I’d like nothing better than to hear their pitch, if it weren’t for that nasty & inflexible policy.
The response is always a pause, almost always followed by the telemarketer hanging up. The only variant is an occasional “But this isn’t a solicitation.”
My response is “I’m sorry, but I’m afraid this call is nonetheless covered by our policy.” That’s the end of the call.
I get calls from collectors that are like that, I also don’t wait around if nobody responds when I say ‘Hello’ but they will often call right back, sometimes several times before they actually put a person on the other line.
I get so sick of creditor harrassment that I’ve started just making up stuff when I talk to them - I often tell them that Badtz doesn’t live there anymore, no I won’t take a message, why the hell would I do anything for that lousy no-good Badtz. I’ve also told them that Badtz is in jail, that I joined a mercenary outfit, and other wild stories. I also once went on a full-on rant against the collector who called, questioning her education and cognitive function, telling her I thought it was unfair and unbelievable that idiots like her could get jobs in this economy, and generally being an ass to her. I got a callback immediately later from her supervisor, who said I had upset their representative, and I told her that the collector became rude with me when I made an offer to pay off the debt that wasn’t enough for her, and I was so upset that they wouldn’t take what little I could afford that I vowed to never pay them anything. Doesn’t help, they still call, but it made me feel better.