Updates and Thank Yous

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
21

Often times when someone dies unexpectedly or suddenly some people try to deal with it by saying, “this shouldn’t have happened, a mistake must have been made.” People often have trouble accepting that death can come at anytime, and it doesn’t matter how old you are or how healthy you are.

Your uncle was trying to deal with his grief I think, but he did it in an inappropriate way and he should have been stronger and not have upset people like that.

Your Pit thread brought back a lot of memories for me. The first time I lost someone close to me it happened in a very similar way. I was woken up by a frantic mother at 4am, very surprised and startled that I was being bothered while sleeping like this. The next few days after that weren’t “days” but rather long series of event after event that seemed to be happening in slow motion, or almost through a haze.

All I can say is you’re now beginning the rest of your life. Take it from me, when you lose someone this close the life you live after that will forever be changed. But try not to let that life be consumed with grief or anger, and remain strong and determined to move on.

I suggest “saying goodbye” to your brother. He’s gone now but that doesn’t mean you’ve forgotten him, it does means that you will have to go on without him and sometimes saying goodbye really makes that path much easier. We all say goodbye in different ways. When my brother died my Priest suggested I go somewhere by myself (or even to his grave) and say goodbye to him. Whether I did it verbally or not, what was important that I both realized that I was going to have to go on without him but that I also still loved him and always would. Just because you can’t see him ever again or hear him talk to you or any of the things brothers do with each other doesn’t mean you can’t still love him.

22

START, I’ve kept you and your family in my thoughts and prayers. I’m glad you’re back.

23

START your message brought back a lot of painful memories, of when my step-kids lost their mother 18 months ago. Words cannot express my compassion and grief for your situation.

Strange as it may seem, folks on this message board DO care and we ARE there for you.

Hang in there hon, and if you need a shoulder to cry on, or just someone to yell at when things go wrong, my e-mail’s in my profile.

:cool:

24

START, losing someone you love can be the toughest thing in the world, epecially when it’s something you’ve battled successfully. It’s not unnatural to want to rant and rail at God, the universe or something. One of the things I lamented to a friend of mine when my grandmother died last month was I didn’t even have a good reason to get angry at God. I’m just sorry your uncle’s need to rant and rail had to come out at the funeral. If you need to yell at God, fate, etc., you can do so in the BBQ Pit or there are a bunch of people around here you can e-mail, including me. My e-mail address is in my profile. I also give you my word that I will not pass anything you tell me on to the rest of the family and if you tell me anything I think I can’t keep to myself and a trusted advisor or two who do not post here, I will tell you and why. Such a thing would be a threat to harm yourself or others. If you need a friendly stranger you can trust, I’m here.

WARNING: I’m about to do some serious witnessing. Hard atheists may want to skip the next paragraph. I’ll tell you when it’s over.

There was one thing I was going to say in the Pit thread about “Mo”, only now, instead of saying it out of anger I’ll say it in support. You said you weren’t strong enough then. START, my lad, you are a devout Christian. You have the strength to deal with this because you have not only your own strength to draw on but that of Jesus Christ, which is the power of God, Himself. Remember Jesus, too wept at the death of Lazarus; remember that in Gethsemane, while He was waiting for the soldiers to come and take Him to His death, Jesus prayed, “Father, if it be thy will, take this cup away from me. Yet not my will, but thy will be done.” (Luke 22:42) Even Jesus knew doubt, fear, pain, and grief; He understands yours. Trust Him. I know it’s not easy, and I, too, have told God it’s too much and I can’t take it anymore. It hasn’t been and I’ve managed. I promise you, you will too.

END OF HEAVY WITNESSING

You’re not alone, kiddo. Things haven’t changed – we’ll still tell you when we think you’re screwing up, but we won’t let the odd mistake stop us from supporting you when you need us. There isn’t a person on this board who hasn’t made a mistake (although there may be some who think they haven’t!;)). I’ve noticed the board as a whole is pretty good at giving people what they need. If you need support, we’re here.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

CJ

25

START I’m glad you’re feeling a little better. It takes a while to work through something as shocking as a loss of a family member. Take the time you need. Post here if it helps. You are not being a pain. This community will be here to offer support and a shoulder to lean on.

As far as Mo goes, he’s the pain. It’s your call, but I think that if I were you I’d cut him off as a friend. He just doesn’t seem to be much of one.

Your uncle got a little weird but maybe it was just him trying to sort out his feelings of grief. People say and do strange things at funerals and while trying to deal with grief. I say cut him some slack.

The altar call lady was way off base and wrong to do what she did, IMHO. However, I’d just let it go. Dumbassery just can’t be overcome.

Take care of yourself START. You have a community of Dopers here who care and wish you the best.

26

goes to hug START and give him a big kiss My thoughts are with you, mate.

27

We’re her for ya START.

Take care.

28

We’re here for you too.
:smack:

29

Welcome back, START.

I’m glad things are starting to level out a little for you. These first few weeks are going to be the hardest for you. It’s going to seem like everything you see or do reminds you of your brother. Just when you start getting over that, you’ll start going through “the firsts”: First Easter without him, first Halloween, first Thanksgiving, you know what I mean. That part really sucks, too.

Eventually, it gets easier. It never really gets better, just easier. You’ve got people in real life who care about you, and people here who care about you, and you have your faith. They’re all sources of strength if you call on them.

Oh, and we’re not just “putting up with you.” I think the majority of the Dopers who participate in your threads think pretty well of you. That doesn’t mean we’re not going to call you a knucklehead when you deserve it. That, too, is part of what friends do.

30

Thanks :slight_smile: !!!

That is so true especially since we share the same room, almost half of everything in the room is his. One of the hardest things is going through the stuff that he owned.

It is easier because it has brought my family closer, atleast part of it.

I hope that just like before if I need to be called out on something then y’all will go ahead and do it because I’m not going to be the type of person that says “my brother is dead leave me alone.” I don’t just want to be making depressing threads so in the next few weeks when I can say something less :frowning: and more :stuck_out_tongue: then I will particpate more.