I didn’t write the thread on February 11th to make people sad but like any other thread that I have done in the past I wrote it because it was happening right then and by far the most relevant thing in my life.
I was shocked by the support that was shown to me by so many in the SDMB community and I read every single response to the February 11th thread so I’d like to say Thanks to all the SDMB.
Remember that guy that I was telling you about before my brother died who was over-charging customers at a fast food restaurant and keeping the extra money for himself.
He (I’ll call him “Mo”) did get caught and he was fired not only that but he didn’t even get the paycheck that was owed to him or the money he stole (not that he deserved it).
Apparently, somebody came in with a big order and he thought instead of a quarter he could get away with something like 6 or 7 dollars and they noticed so he tried to give the money back and from that point I guess they told the boss and the boss found out about the other times and told him to leave and “Mo” asked about his paycheck and the boss said that he already got paid with the stolen money and then told him to get out or he would call the police so “Mo” pushed the boss and of course when a 17 year old football player pushes a 50 year old man the 50 year old really can’t win so the boss said if you don’t leave I will file assault charges and of course “Mo” left.
Anyway the night my brother died I had made plans to go out and of course I did not know that all of this was going to happen so my friends still came by that night and my Mom insisted I go with them and “try not to be stressed for a little while” well “Mo” came by my house also and tried to steal a video game that belonged to my brother and when I saw it he said “It’s not like he needs it”.
Then he told me he was just kidding and wasn’t really going to take the game but from that point on anything he said made me just want to punch him in the face.
My other friend was cool about it and said he would take care of it, we stopped by “Mo’s” house and as soon as he got out of the car my friend took off really fast.
That was the only time I laughed I said “did you ditch him?” anyway my friend and I just drove around talking about Life and Death, a much heavier conversation than we usually have.
My brother’s funeral was a bit “controversial” because the first person to say something was my uncle and he said all this stuff about how my brother was in good health and should have lived much longer.
“I have asthma and I’m in my 40’s how is it that I end up out-living a boy still in his teens that doesn’t make sense… He was an athletic, energetic boy but the difference between me and him is that when I get sick I take myself to the doctor right away I don’t wait until 5 in the morning to call an ambulance when it’s already to late” when he said that somebody said “Thank You” and that caused an argument.
The ushers got my uncle away from the microphone and removed people from the church and 20 minutes later the funeral began again with a slide show of my brother that made everybody cry.
It showed him as a baby and went up through the years as he got older and because my brother made a lot of audio tapes with his voice it was almost like he was narrating the entire slide show.
I went up to see my brother in the casket and stared at him forever it was weird he was so still and sort of grayish and his skin felt really weird but I still leaned down and kissed him.
His classmates were there and some lady tried to give an altar call I think it was tacky she said well “I know this boy didn’t expect to be lying in a casket but he can’t help it and all of you young people need to come up here and get saved because if this boy didn’t get saved then it’s too late so don’t wait until you end up like him” I do not know who this woman was but that is what she said and while I’m not against an altar call I think it could have been done differently.
Anyway that’s it and Thank You all very much for your kind words, I like being a part of this online community I will try not to be a pain to anyone so Thanks for putting up with me so far .
Wow, that sounds like a strange funeral, but then again, most funerals border on the surreal.
I’m glad that you found some small measure of comfort from the boards.
And I’m not ‘putting up with you’, I enjoy your posts and the energy you have.
Zebra
That “Mo” fellow sounds like a real asshole. Trying to steal your brother’s video game was a seriously crummy thing to do.
I think your uncle was probably still trying to process this. It’s not unusual for people to try to find a reason for things like this because it can be hard to accept that things might happen that have no explanation.
The altar call was tacky and out of place and not especially sensitive. Funerals are not the time. It was insensitive to your family. Funerals are about honoring the family’s grief not making converts.
I’m glad you have your brother’s voice to listen to and that you have a lot of pictures. I also hope you aren’t still blaming yourself for anything. All you did was act like his big brother when he needed you to.
I hope you find more peace as time goes on. It’s a good sign that you managed to laugh at least once.
And didn’t we tell you that friend of yours would get caught and get fired? See, you should listen to us. You’re like a little brother to us and we want to look out for you.
I’m glad to hear the thief guy got caught and canned.
I can understand your uncle’s bitterness. He’s expressing his grief and his anger at an unjust universe that had him, an asthmatic in his forties, surviving, and cut down a young, healthy guy whose life was just getting started.
I’m glad to hear the thief guy got caught and canned. He sounds like a real loser.
I can understand your uncle’s bitterness. He’s expressing his grief and his anger at an unjust universe that had him, an asthmatic in his forties, surviving, and cut down a young, healthy guy whose life was just getting started.
Welcome back, START. I didn’t post anything in your last thread because I just didn’t know what to say without sounding trite, but I’ve been thinking about you since then. I have three brothers of my own and I can’t imagine how I would take it if something happened to one of them.
I’m glad you’re back, START. Don’t be too weirded out by how weird death makes everything and everybody. Unfortunately, it doesn’t come with a manual. Everyone in my immediate family has died except my sister and I still haven’t figured out what the heck to feel, think or react…and I’m a lot older than you are. It whipsawed from the worst aching grief to fury, to surreal numbness and moments of equally surreal lightness. Strange stew.
“Mo” was never your friend. Somebody who cheats and steals as a matter of course has a black hole, a vacuum, inside. His drive to fill it makes everybody and everything else just things for his use. I’m so sorry you couldn’t even trust him to honor your grief, much less your brother’s memory. It was his lack, not yours.
When it all settles out, most people really do the best they can when death sweeps someone away. Brains, mouths and minds misfire in the worst ways. Very possibly what your uncle was thinking/feeling was a muddle of, “Damnit, it could have been me. It should have been me. I’m standing up here, supposed to make sense of stuff, but everything’s wrong, wrong, wrong and what in the heck did I just say?!”
Nice to see you posting again. I had been thinking about you earlier today. I agree with the others that “Mo” seems like a real creep. I am sorry that you had to deal with someone that insensitive at such a horrible time. Keep on posting. I certainly dont think you are a ‘pain’.
I am so glad that you are hanging in there. And that Mo guy—never, never trust him again.
The thought that came to me when I was reading your OP is that within the next year or two, you should transfer your brother’s tapes to disk. Do you have a CD-RW (CD burner)? I don’t know how to do it myself (yet), but apparently there’s a pretty easy way to transfer tapes or old vinyl LPs to your computer and then make MP3s or audio CDs of them. It would be a great thing to have a back up copy of all his tapes on CD. CDs are very durable, after all.
It’s not something you have to do right away, but just tuck it away in the back of your mind, and consider doing it later, when things settle down and feel a little more “normal.” You might even sometime make up a memorial web page about him, and include some MP3 excerpts of your brother talking. That would be really cool.
I lost my dad many years ago and while I don’t have many audio tapes of him, I do have all his photography (he was a great photographer). I’ve been slowly scanning in photos to my computer (and for a web page). For Christmas I gave my aunties (my dad’s sisters) some items with my dad’s photography printed on them (tote bags, if you must know), and of course I put his name at the bottom of the photographs. Both aunties really liked the gifts, and one said, “It’s so nice to see his name again.”
We never forget, we never really get over it. And that’s just fine. They live forever in our hearts.
START, it’s so good to see you posting again! I’ve been thinking a lot about you.
As for being a pain, please be so kind as to name more than three of us who haven’t been a pain at some point in our posting history. But this is like a family here. We might get annoyed with one another sometimes, but the love never goes away.
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