I feel this is one of those ancient jokes/stories, about a man who has the bright idea of sticking his penis into a vacuum cleaner to get a crude blowjob from it, only to have his penis cut off because his penis went into the fan blade which creates the suction.
Now obviously if you think about it in the modern context it seems impossible since modern vacuums have that ultra long tube to help you get it around obstacles, but I’m curious if that was ever somehow accurate where maybe the fan was actually inside the nozzle for the joke to make sense? Or has the fan always been inside the unit itself?
The Perfect Master happens to have an article on this. Not cut off, but lacerations. It seems the persons cited were using a model that had a short inlet before the fan blades.
Suffer a skin cut from fan blades if the intake is shorter than he is long? Sure. Cut off the head or the whole thing? Nonsense. Blades not sharp enough and motor not strong enough for that much injury.
Separately, even if we assume very sharp blades driven by a very powerful motor, more like a food processor (ouch!) the multiple blades of any practical fan follow one another closely in both time and distance as the fan spins. With the result that somebody could only insert their penis as far as the flat of one blade before the leading edge of the next blade arrived at the side of their shaft. The advance on those blades on a consumer vacuum is 1/8", maybe 1/4". So that’s the thickest slice that could be lopped off per passing blade.
I could imagine somebody enthusiastically jamming as hard and deep as they could into there, but as soon as they start hurting they’re withdrawing equally vigorously. So yeah, given a food-processor like vacuum cleaner I could imagine a disfiguring injury to the tip of a penis. But “cut it off?” Naah, that’d take an unrealistic number of salami slices and an unrealistic dedication to being salami sliced.
I don’t think the internals of a vacuum are even set up in such a way as the opposite end of the unobstructed tube is the exposed fan blades. That would mean all the debris and dirt you vacuum goes right through the fan blades which would be a terrible design. The opposite end of a vacuum hose usually terminates with a vacuum bag or dust collector.
I must say I’m fascinated by the concept of someone earning a PhD based on a dissertation on the consequences of sticking your schlong into a vacuum cleaner. I don’t speak German but Google Translate informs me that the thesis title is “Penile Injuries During Masturbation With Vacuum Cleaners”.
I was also interested in what department this fascinating study occurred. Turns out it was the Department of Urology at the University of Munich. Which I understand has a number of used vacuum cleaners for sale.
Suction-related tearing seems unlikely, but I can well imagine effects similar to what cupping therapy causes:
Cupping may cause breaks in the capillaries (small blood vessels) in the papillary dermis layer of the skin, resulting in the appearance of petechiae and purpura.[1] These marks are sometimes mistaken for signs of child abuse when cupping is performed on children.[1]
Cupping therapy adverse events can be divided into local and systemic adverse events. The local adverse events may include scar formation, burns, linear bruising or streaks (wet cupping), skin ulcers, undesired darkening of the skin, panniculitis, erythema ab igne, induction of the Koebner phenomenon in susceptible individuals with psoriasis, and pain at the cupping site.[1][2] A theoretical risk of infection exists but there are no reports of this as of 2012.[2]
The story I heard is that a not so smart man was told that he could get off using a vacuum cleaner not realizing he needed a canister type vacuum with a hose and a detachable power head and used an upright vacuum instead.
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