Who wrote “Admission is free, pay at the door, pull up a chair and sit on the floor…”?
Ladles and Jellyspoons,
I come before you, to stand behind you,
To tell you something I know nothing about.
Next Thursday, which is Good Friday,
There will be a mothers’ meeting for fathers only.
Admission is free, pay at the door,
Pull up a seat and sit on the floor.
We will be discussing the four corners of the round table.
Author: Unknown
Durn…hit post to fast.
Some people credit Spike Milligan with the poem.
One fine day in the middle of the night
Two dead boys got up to fight
Back to back they faced the other
Drew their swords and shot each other
If you don’t believe these words are true
Ask the blind man, he saw it, too
How many of these things are there?
I heard the second-to-last line of that one as “If you don’t believe these lies are true”.
Yes, you’re right.
What is this style called, anyways?
You may find more aficionados of this sort of literary effort in Cafe Society.
(jdschina, a small word of advice: you’ll get better responses to your questions if the title gives us some clue as to what you are seeking. I’m going to change the title as I move the thread.)
[ /Moderator Mode ]
There’s a long folk / oral tradition going back to the early 1300s of making up deliberately nonsensical ‘tall tales’; the first cite for this kind of nonsense rhyming comes from a manuscript of Land of Cockaigne, written in 1305. This site goes into more detail about it.
I also heard it with the following insertion:
[…] drew their swords and shot each other
**the deaf man heard the terrible noise
and got up to stop the two dead boys**
if you don’t believe […]
I heard:
A deaf cop heard the noise
And nearly killed the two dead boys.
“I see” said the blind man
as he picked up his hammer and saw.
I originally heard this as:
One fine day in the middle of the night
Two dead men got up to fight.
Back to back they faced each other,
Drew their swords and shot each other.
One blind man to see fair play,
One dumb man to shout “Hooray” –
A headless donkey passing by
Kicked the blind man in the eye,
Over a hedge and through a brick wall,
In a dry ditch and drowned them all.
I don’t claim this is necessarily an improvement. But it’s the way I learned it. 
So many variations… I wonder how old this one is?
The way I heard it:
One bright day in the middle of the night
Two dead men got up to fight
Back to back they faced each
Drew their swords and shot each other
A deaf policeman heard the noise
And came and shot those two dead boys
If you don’t believe this lie is true
Ask the blind man he saw it to.
And I forget the other one Reeder put up but I remember something about Hens being in there (then ending I come before you, to stand behind you, To tell you of something I know nothing about.)
Nobody reads my cite. sigh at NoClueBoy It evolved from rhyming couplets in the Middle Ages, and the complete poem as is (including many of the variations) can be dated back to the mid-19th century.
Sorry, I did look at it, just didn’t notice to scroll down. ;j
Ballad of Impossibilities.
I like that title!
Another version - mine was sung to a tune
/A deaf policeman heard the noise
/And came and killed those two dead boys
/Boom-boon ain’t it great to be crazy, etc.
This thread inspires me to dig out my copy of Tempest’s Sunken Treasures tape. It has a song titled “Nottamun Town”. It’s a little less whacky, but is pure nonsense.
Back in the early 1960’s my parents bought me a book of jokes. I think it was one of those “Golden Books”, the kind with the hard front and back covers. It has very simple jokes for a child to tell, but there was one thing in it that was not really a joke as I would call it. I have never forgotten it (or ever heard it mentioned anywhere else until now). In its entirelty …
One bright day in the middle of the night
Two dead men stood up to fight
Three blind men to see fair play
Forty mutes to yell ‘Hooray’
Back to back they faced one another
Drew their blades and shot each other