When I was a kid growing up, we had these neighbors across the street, a muni court judge and his wife, who used to hang out with my parents, and my brother and I used to hang out with the younger daughter. This was well before the age of sexual awakening; she was like a big sister to us. The judge used to tell us this long story or joke of which the point was that every sentence in it was self contradictory in one way or another. It began:
*One bright day in the middle of the night,
Two dead boys got up to fight.
…
…
… and it ended:
If you don’t believe my story, ask the blind man.
He saw it too.*.
The thing is, there was a lot of stuff in between but I can’t remember a word of it. Does anyone else remember this?
If it’s any help, the judge’s family came from Utah, as my father had originally, and was probably born around 1918.
One day in the middle of the night
Two dead soldiers got up to fight
back to back they faced each other
drew out their swords and shot each other
a deaf policeman heard the noise
and came and shot the two dead boys
If you don’t belive this lie is true
ask the blind man he saw it too.
I may be missing a line or two, but that is how I remember it
I’m sure there are other variants out there, but here’s how I learned it:
One bright day in the middle of the night,
Two dead boys arose to fight.
Back to back they faced each other,
Drew their swords and shot each other.
A deaf policeman heard the noise,
Came and shot the two dead boys.
If you don’t believe this tale so tall,
Ask the blind man. He saw it all.
At the risk of being smug and unhelpful, I plugged your first line, in quotes, into Google.
I got back several links including this one which includes analysis of some alternate versions of lines, and an explanation of why this is not a “nonsense poem” in the same sense as the “Jabberwocky” is.
Gather around me hobos and tramps, cross eyed mosquitoes and bow legged ants.
I stand before you, right behind you, to tell you of something I know nothing about:
It was midnight on the ocean not a street car was in sight, the stars were brightly shinging and it rained all day that night.
So one bright morning in the middle of the night, two dead boys got into a fight. Back to back they faced each other, and they drew out thier swords and shot each other
Now if you dont believe what I say is true, ask that blind man, he saw it too.
The version I know is quite similiar to a few of these
Ladies and Jellyspoons,
I come before you to stand behind you
And tell you of things I know nothing about:
One bright day in the middle of the night
Two dead boys got up to fight
Back to back they faced each other
Drew their swords and shot each other
A deaf policeman heard the noise
And came to arrest the two dead boys.
If you don’t believe my lies are true
Ask the blind man, he saw it too.
Funny, I was thinking of starting a thread about nonsense rhymes. Really, I was! I was going to mention this poem and another favorite of mine:
As I was going down the stair
I met a man who wasn’t there.
He wasn’t there again today.
I wish that man would go away.
Hendrix plays a version, called Strange Things, that closely tracks Miller’s post (sleepin’ policeman…). It’s on a compliation called Historic Jimi Hendrix. It seems to be out of print, but if it helps it’s on Pair Records, and #SPCD2-1155 is on the spine. Good listenin’!
Early in the morning in the middle of the night
Two dead boys got up to fight
Back to back they faced each other
Drew their swords and shot each other
A deaf policeman heard the noise
And shot and killed the two dead boys.
*One bright day in the middle of the night
Two dead boys got up to fight.
They drew their knives and shot each other.
A deaf policeman heard the noise
And came and killed those two dead boys.
And if you don’t believe me ask the blind man who saw it all*.
From a Golden Book that I had back in grade school (early to mid 1960’s):
One bright day in the middle of the night
Two dead men stood up to fight
Three blind men to see fair play
Forty mutes to yell ‘Hooray!’
Back to back they faced one another
Drew their swords and shot each other
Why this was in a joke book, I’m not sure, unless it was just because of the absurdity of it all.
In the version I know, the deaf policeman “saved the lives of the two dead boys”, which seems to maintain more of a contradiction that shooting or arresting them, and I never heard the last two lines about the blind man (but I’m going to add them anyway, the next time I tell it).
I’ve also heard one of “I’ll tell you a story I know nothing about”, but it looks significantly different than the one folks are quoting here. I don’t remember all of it, but it includes “Admission is free, so pay at the door / Pull up a chair, and sit on the floor”, and I think there was something about bricks rolling down (or maybe up) a hill.
I remember memorizing a version of this poem for our literary week in about third or fourth grade. I can’t remember the last two lines exactly, but the rest is still embedded in my mind for some reason.
Ladles and jellyspoons,
I come before you
to stand behind you
to tell you something
I know nothing about.
Next Thursday,
the day after Friday,
there will be a mothers’ meeting
for fathers only.
Wear your best clothes
if you haven’t any
and if you can come,
please stay home.
Admission is free,
you can pay at the door.
We’ll give you a seat
so you’ll sit on the floor.
Almost exactly the same as several posters have mentioned, but for posterity:
One bright day in the middle of the night
Two dead boys decided to fight
Back to back they faced each other
Drew their swords and shot each other
A deaf policeman heard the noise
Came and arrested those two dead boys
If you don’t believe this story is true
Ask the blind man, he saw it, too.
I learned it from a girl in my class in grade six. I have no idea where she got it from.
*'Twas midnight on the ocean
Not a streetcar was in sight
Forest fires were raging
And it rained all day that night
Everything that you could see
Was hidden out of sight
The sexton rang the dishpan
Someone set the church on fire
Holy smoke! The preacher cried
While he tore his hair
And now his head resembles heaven
'Cause there is no parting there*
