Well…yes. You usually use the term when you are trying to offend someone. :rolleyes:
I knew a girl whose brother had autism that flipped out whenever anyone used the word retarded. Including screaming and swearing at them. Even if it was used in a correct, none pejorative sense (like retarding growth in plants). I personally don’t care about the term, one way or another and have never really used it, but her behavior struck me as overkill. She was fond of the word bastard. One day I told her that it offended me (which it doesn’t) because I am one (my parents have been living in sin for 35 years, old hippies that they are). I don’t think she enjoyed having the tables turned on her.
The girl or the brother?
My brother is mentally retarded, and I’ve always taken offense to that word (even if my brother couldn’t.)
I’ve never liked it, but it’s just another sad case of the strong picking-on the weak.
For many of the reasons already stated, I dislike the use of “retarded” as described in the OP. Also, I was recently freed of a coworker who said “that’s retaaarded” about 117 times a day. She was, in all likelihood, the worst person I have ever met. Sure, she also said “desk” a lot, and I can still use that word without making the association to her. But her indignant refrain, “that’s retaaarded”, has forever destroyed any desire I might have had to use the word “retarded” to mean “stupid”.
The brother. Sometimes I wondered if she had one of the high functioning disorders in the autism spectrum, though. Other times, like when we were room mates for a short time and she woke me up at 6:30 about how I moved a pan up a shelf in the kitchen, I thought much less nice things about her.
Some of my friends and I had a running joke about one of us “living in sin” with his girlfriend. It had been initiated by one (agnostic) friend to describe the other (atheist) friend and encapsulated equal-opportunity digs at everyone in the group’s varying belief systems. It was our ironic descriptor of choice when referring to that buddy.
When describing my Living-in-Sin Pal to a friend who didn’t know him, I thoughtlessly used that phrase. My friend obviously didn’t know that it was an ancient joke amongst a different set of friends. It really hurt her feelings. (She was living with her long-term boyfriend and I’m sure had caught a bit of flak from her traditional family on the topic.) I tried to explain that it was a stupid joke referencing only that friend, but I still feel bad about it. Just because the phrase had become meaningless to me, didn’t mean that it was not hurtful to her.
Recently my SO started teaching elementary/middle schoolers and has several students who might be labeled retarded, but actually are autistic and very bright. The other kids of course do call them retarded. They also use the word to insult each other.
Since February is black history month, my SO brought up the concept of hate speech and what it feels like. This is kind of a “last chance” school, so some of the kids had had pretty heavy experiences. They discussed the word “retarded” at length and how as a word it’s perfectly fine (like “Mexican”) but as a slur it’s really offensive (like “you stupid Mexican”).
It took them a couple of class sessions to get it, but finally they agreed that they shouldn’t use “retarded” as an insult. As a school, they’ve now switched over to calling each other “stupid.” My sweetie sees this as a victory. 
So this thread is a retarded retread!
How about the term “mongoloid”? Like “stop acting like a mongoloid spaz you freakin gay-wad”
Bitchin’.
I think it’s borderline offensive. I would never use it in referring to someone who is actually retarded, but as a synomym for “incredibly dumb and stupid” I’m afraid it has no better one-word analogue. I use it very sparingly, but sometimes it’s the one word that fits the bill. If anyone ever asked me not to use it in personal conversations, though, I’d honor their request.