Uses/Abuses for Superman's Powers?

Inspired by this thread, in which the possibility of this one was raised.

That said…how would you use and/or abuse Superman-style powers, after gaining them suddenly?

Here’s the setup…you’re nigh-on indestructible. You have superhuman strength, but not really impossible superhuman strength (i.e. You couldn’t pick up an entire planet and carry it on your shoulder). You can fly, but not faster than light. You have Heat and X-Ray Vision. And you can hold your breath for about an hour. (I think there are a few other, minor, powers that I’m forgetting. Feel free to refresh my memory.)

And, finally, you’re getting these powers in this, the real world. No other superheroes, supervillains, or Kryptonite to worry about.

So…what do you do?

First…I’d like to say that I wouldn’t just make myself God-Emperor of the world. I’d like to say that, but I can’t make any promises. :smiley:

But I would want to hire myself out to NASA for awhile. You know, to make rockets obsolete. Carry spacecraft and landers to the Moon and Mars, or wherever else they wanted to go. Carry a few tons of dirt and rocks back from Mars, for science to play with.

Never wear a suit and tie. Ever.

Crush coal into diamonds. Then, crush the diamonds together, and carve them like ice-sculptures.

Stand right next to a nuclear weapon when it goes off, just to see what it felt like.

And probably, I’d try and make the world a better place. Mostly through a policy of “Killing Assholes.”

So…any other thoughts, anyone?


Because someone’s going to, and it might as well be me…

“Two chicks at the same time.”

I would fly around for a while. I mean, flying! How awesome is that? I would fly around the suburbs, around tall skyscrapers, through a desert canyon, over the ocean. There are so many cool places to explore that would be even more fun to explore while flying. And assuming Superman can survive in space, I would at least fly to the moon (I don’t know how fast he can fly or how long he can survive in space, so I’m not sure about interplanetary flights). Of course, I agree about the whole using superpowers to benefit science thing. The problem is that the government would be after me, though I have to admit it would be fun to calmly walk onto a battlefield and take out an entire army with my bare hands.

-Definitely do quite a bit of flying.
-Hit BIG at some casinos. (X-ray vision, ya know!)
-Never again need to rent porn or visit nidie bars (x-ray vision again!)

Then some stuff just for the fun of it…
-Juggle flaming balls of lava.
-Find Osama and deliver him to the authorities.
-Follow someone and appear everywhere they go using my super-speed.
-Eat all of my ethnic-food-meals in their countries of origin. I mean, how cool would it be to have breakfast in Canada, lunch in Russia, tea in England and supper in Australia… in one day?!

Canada has ethnic food?

All jokes aside, I’d seriously turn to a life of crime.

Anything I want, when I want.

he can turn back time.

Just think of the horrible implications. He can do ANYTHING and never have to suffer even the consequences of a bad reputation.

Is he a speed-reader?

If so, I would read the Library of Congress in a day and a half.

Otherwise, I would simply mince around in my tights with the big S and join the Queer Eye for the Straight Guy crew. They’ve got all the women creaming their knickers for a slice of their pie. I would like a heap of women seeking a slice of mine.

Wow. The powers of Superman. Give me a second to think… as he subtly produces the pre-written details from a pocket … Let’s see.

Well, disaster mitigation. There’s little one can do that’s as cool as saving a city from a nuclear meltdown by throwing the entire power core into the sun.

Flying would be amusing for a while, I think. And it beats conventional transportation for convenience.

I’d probably establish a benevolent dictatorship of my own - not usurping the governments of already established countries… gotta keep the goodwill, y’know? But allow people to come live in my island paradise, raised from the sea floor by stimulating volcanic activity with the old heat-vision.

Super-speed-reading, as previously mentioned.

Oh, and thinking in thought balloons. That’s the coolest power of all. What? Post-Crisis? Awww…

I would definitely not do the flamboyant spandex costume. If I had those powers, I’d stay anonymous. Try to keep them out of sight.

First I’d set myself up financially with the whole coal-into-diamonds trick. After that, I think I’d be very tempted to go tooling around in the middle east, stealing weapons from everyone and destroying them.

Of course, I’d proably get burned out very quickly. I’m sure people would replace weapons faster than I could get rid of them, or simply find new and ingenious ways to kill each other. But it would be worth a try.

Is one of my powers the ability to disguise myself just by putting on a pair of glasses? :smiley:

I’d take a job as mild mannered reporter at a major metropolitan newspaper. And I’d fight crime, if for no other reason than to be amused as the bullets of bank robbers bounce off my chest. Then, after they’ve thrown their empty guns at me, I’d take them to the cops. Then I’d write an exclusive, putting in her place my uppity female coworker who secretly loves me, but at the same time, not realizing we’re the same person, pities my milquetoastish alter ego.

I think I’d try the Fighting Injustice thing, but try to do it as anonymously and transparently as possible; terrorist bombers and the like would simply, but reliably, die of botulism or some other naturally-explainable phenomenon; stolen items would be quietly and inexplicably returned to their rightful owners (ideally before they had been noticed missing - that sort of thing.

“You’re a real mean drunk, Superman.”

Poutin. One of the problems of Poutin is that it cools down very quickly. Superman, with his heat vision, could make sure that it stays warm.

I’m surprised no one on this board’s ever argued whether or not his heat vision would destroy the nutrients of the food and if he’d be better off steaming it instead.

And commit double manslaughter? Read Man of Steel, Woman of Kleenex.

Since I first heard this question in high school, I’ll just give the same answer everyone gave in high school.

X-ray vision, girls’ locker room.

Well, certain countries would suddenly find themselves disarmed and leaderless. I’d bring a few asteroids into LEO so the world wouldn’t need to mine for iron any more. Then I would establish a benign, benevolent dictatorship, bringing peace and tranquillity to this troubled planet.

That, and the girl’s locker room thing. :smiley:

Well, after using my X-ray vision to find out if James Marsters is a natural blonde (of course I know he’s not, silly, but I still want to use my x-ray vision to find out…)

I’d definitely do a lot of pointless flying around, just for the helluvit. I would then become the charter member for the American Society for Putting Things on Top of Other Things- think Presidential Limo atop the spire of the Chrysler Building. Basically, I would become the ultimate prankster, and probably do a lot of monkey-wrenching of environmentally damaging construction projects as well.

I’m reminded of the episode of Lois and Clark in which a relative nobody acquired Superman’s powers. Superman found the guy eating lunch, perched on the roof of a building across the street from the gym, looking through the wall of the women’s locker room with his x-ray vision.

Pretty much says it all.

That, and I think I’d do a bit better fighting in tournaments…