“Right, I can’t take this any longer. You want to know my secret? This is it, I am from another planet. I came here as a boy in a small spaceship during the meteor storm. I seem to have super powers, something to do with your Sun being more powerful than the one on our home planet, I don’t know. Anyway. I can run really fast, I am very strong, I can see through things, I can set fire to things (with my eyes), I think maybe I can fly. And I absolutely fancy the tight pants and silky white nickers off you Lana!. Now you know my secret - get your cute little ass into that bedroom NOW!”
…If I were superman.
If I were Superman… wow. There’d be a whole lot of people and organizations who would find out that they really should have stocked up on Kryptonite when they had the chance.
Y’know what’s always bothered me about Superman? He’s standing there telling the bad guy to put down the laser, or whatever, and then he’s arguing with the bad guy, and then he’s got the laser bouncing off his chest, and then he’s…
For the love of Bob, Kal, you can move at relativistic if not supraluminal speeds! Why don’t you just punch this guy out and go save a bunch of people from an avalanche and clean your apartment and balance your chequebook and write a letter to Ma Kent, save a few more people from a tornado or something and get back there and catch him before he hits the ground?
If I were Superman, I would use more effective time management.