Say, you’ve got an attitude.
If I say you are probably confusing everyone else, would you agree?
Have you ever read “Man of Steel, Woman of Kleenex” by Larry Niven?
Say, you wouldn’t be Jonni Thunder, would’ja?
No.
No - have you read “Superfolks” by Robert Mayer? - Its a hilarious spoof/satire that uses a superman tpye hero who is now approaching middle age. One of the funniest bits is his x-ray vision. Evidently his super-conscience makes him run into things whenever he mis-uses his x-ray vision to peep at girls in their underclothes or what have you. Then he mentions that he was voted “most clumsy” in high school:)
Don’t tell me - you can make like a turtle and dive for pearls in the sea?
Or how about Jonni DC?
Say, you’re supposed to be dead, Mockingbird. Aren’t you?
That wasn’t quite the use I had in mind.
If I were Superman, I’d firmly hold Lois in my arms, and then very hard, and very fast, take her up the …park
…damn I’m Clark Kent again… :eek:
I’m sorry, but Justin Whalin just plain isn’t available. Now, don’t cry. I know you’re all hot and bothered by his irresistible Whalin cuteness, but there’s a trick you can use to dispel that image and get on with your day:
Just remember him in Dungeons & Dragons: The Movie.
If bullets bounce off Superman’s chest, why does he duck when they throw the empty gun at him?
I wouldn’t duck.
[sub]ask that question in a room full of engineers… it’s funny as hell when they get blank looks, and even funnier when they actually try and give logical answers[/sub]
I would declare myself a soviergn power, with a seat on the U.N., access to nuclear weapons, etc. I’d also do a world tour executing despots, tyrants, and people I didn’t like. Doubtless the combination of unlimited power and the fear of billions would twist my psyche into something that would make the real superman scream in horror. It’d be fun.
I’d join the NBA and post up on shaq
Fucking tweet.
Avengers don’t curse, sweetie. Not even dead ones.
Well, besides a requisite “Ditto” to the “World Domination” schemes aforementioned, I’d probably take Seanbaby’s advice and “eat lava, just because I could.” And I’d probably want to make my public debut by flying to Nasa’s next planetary lander, and making faces at the camera. Then I’d make a “peace offering” by bringing back a few tons of boulders from Mars.
I’d probably also want to do things like finish the Crazy Horse memorial in one day, or steal the remaining fragments of Hitler’s skull that the Russians still have, and make it into a urinal liner.
And I’d want to use my super-speed to read every single book in the library of congress, if only to be able to gloat about it.
Also, Corporate endorsements: “Hi, I’m SuperRan, mightiest of men. And I use a Macintosh!”
And of course, I suppose I’d have to find a location for my Fortress of Solitude…dibs on Banff.
And I know one thing that I absolutely will NOT do…I will NEVER wear my underwear on the outside of my uniform.
No, but Scarlet Witch (I’m so fonda Wanda) hexed many a time.