Vacuum Cleaner and Penis Situations

I discovered you website today and have been enjoying the stories and problems etc…, I just read you article on vacuum cleaners and people being attacked by same.

I am in the Navy, when I was just in for 2 years we had one of our brightest try to have sex with one of our shop vacs. We are NOT talking about a Crafstman Model, I am talking about an industrial strength vacuum that Oreck could only dream of. He was hungover, not that that was an excuse, just a symptom. He was found writhing in agony. Noone wanted to be the one to “volunteer” to go where no man has ever gone before, so we called the medics, who (because they were laughing so hard) called the ships doc, who could only say “relax, kid, time is the ONLY answer”. So we all waited for his “swelling” to go down. Once removed he spent the 2 or 3 days in the hospital, and had very specific instructions on what he could do and what he couldn’t do with his equipment.

If you have ever wondered WHY the label on a product may state the obvious, this is why.

Welcome to the Straight Dope Message Boards, Danglera, we’re glad to have you with us.

When you start a thread, it’s helpful to others if you provide a link to the Column you’re talking about. Saves search time, and helps keep us all on the same page. No biggie, you’ll know for next time.

And, as I say, welcome!

That’s what Dex was talking about, Danglera. He usually drops in the link himself, but he’s pressed for time, what with holiday traffic and all. You might have also noticed that we have a curious custom of putting other posters’ names in bold.

OOops. My blushes, I had meant indeed to put the link in my post. Sigh.
Thanks, AskNott.

Hey, why the heck DO we put names in bold?

Because it’s all about us.

Well, it’s actually all about me. Oh, and Ethilrist also.

Dex, it’s a visual cue to let you know that you’re being addressed. In long posts or fast moving threads, it’s easy to miss the person trying to get your attention but it probably worked better prior to names being bolded when quoted.

Notice how we’re all avoiding discussion of the vacuum and the penis ?

(Sing to tune of old sea chantey)
The wet/dry vac, the wet/dry vac, that poor excuse for hosin’,
Turned on the suck (goddam the luck!) and circumcised the bosun…

Did the label actually mention the word “penis”? :rolleyes:

That’s because it was not bolded, and was therefore not my penis. Had the discussion been about the penis, then I’d be all over it.

I know fun is fun, but one of you guys could’ve had a heart and shut off the vacuum. . . .