vanilla's new attitude

OK, this goes under the “what the fuck?” file. In this thread vanilla wrote:

And in this thread she wrote:

All this after making the announcement here that she and her intended, Snark, were no longer engaged for stated reasons of religious incompatibility (although the above indicates other problems).

Just a couple of months ago you were all over me for being adamantly against this thing, and now you’re trashing him? It’s one thing to break up, but it’s another thing to shred the guy. What gives?


Hell hath no fury…?

Is this the same couple that the fur was flying over a while back? The “converted” gay man goes straight, he and woman (with son) are to be married after only knowing each other for a very short time?

are these the same people?

The one and the same.


Ah, I had missed that thread where they called off their engagement. Another beauty in a long series. Why these people keep on displaying the most intimate details of their lives over here is completely beyond me. Over the past year, I have read several threads that all made up an amazing story. This wouldn’t even happen in a soap opera. The writers would scratch it for credibility reasons.

In light of things, I’d say vanilla is being a bit bitter about the subject. I can’t say I really blame her - it is just a matter of judgment (again) if it is wise to SHOW such an attitude on the boards.

And now, allow me to be blunt and completely frank.

I hope that vanilla learned that it is impossible for a gay man to turn straight. And I also hope Snark learned that religion is fine as long as it doesn’t collide with fundamental, unchangeable matters such as sexual preference.

If neither of them have learned at least this out of the entire thing, they’re only headed for more trouble, I’m afraid. Whether with each other or with new partners.

I’ve learned that it’s harder than I thought it would be to change, but I do believe change is possible. Yada, yada, yada, it may not be in this lifetime but it will happen someday, yada, yada, yada, I’ve defended my position for so long that even I’m getting bored with it. My guess is, Vanilla was just being funny when she referred to Tommy Lee and the other websites.

The sound you hear is Satan leaving this thread without a single comment of any import…

Yer pal,
Satan - Commissioner, The Teeming Minions

Five months, two weeks, four days, 2 hours, 24 minutes and 52 seconds.
6844 cigarettes not smoked, saving $855.50.
Extra time with Drain Bead: 3 weeks, 2 days, 18 hours, 20 minutes.

*“I’m a big Genesis fan.”-David B. (Amen, brother!)

I seem to hear that sound in every thread!


I swear, ever since I read about them, I’ve been expecting this to turn into a Jerry Springer episode. I’m sorry to trivialise their relationship like that, but they seem to have done that themselves.

C’mon, Twisty, that’s just not true. Everybody knows that this scenario lacks at least a goat and an angry brother-in-law to become a Jerry Springer episode :wink:

Steve! Steve! Steve! Steve!

(No offense, v&s… just trying to warm up for the day, I guess)

Snark said

Here’s the thing. When someone is “being funny,” you don’t have to guess. Funny explains itself.

That might have been a lame attempt at humor, but it was humor AT YOUR EXPENSE. And I, for one, don’t find that funny for one fucking minute. If 'Nilla’s going to be bitter, maybe she should direct that bitterness towards whatever evil thought-process made her think it was her mission in this life to convert gay men to what she seems to think is the “right” way to live.

Maybe, JUST MAYBE, Vanilla needs to put a little more thought into her decisions than she puts into her user-name changes. She’s done enough damage for one lifetime already. If she doesn’t feel all warm and fuzzy about that, maybe it’s because SHE needs to change, instead of telling other people how THEY should change in the name of whatever Lord she has this week.

Well, this is the first time anyone’s started a thread about me.
I did not trash him. How in the world did it seem that way?
Yes, he has looked at naked men sites for years and years.
That was trashing?
I see nothing insulting about what I had posted!

I can’t imagine how you see me shredding him.
Yes, I wasn’t able to be objective months ago, but now I am.
He is gay, he should accept that. he does not.
Nowhere did I trash him for it; I hope he can eventually accept himself for who he is, as all the other dopers have hoped he would also.

Valerie: You have a lot of unfounded ibtterness towards me. Why I can’t imagine either.

Humor at his expense? He likes porn cites! He hasn’t seen Tommy Lee (not have I) but obviously he probably would like that.

evil thought processes? Boy, you sure have a lot of evil in you towards a stranger who said nothing wrong or harsh about snark.
My mission in life?
I have dated and been involved with many straight men.
I had no desire to convert anyone.
And snark WANTS to be straight, or haven’t you ever read any of his posts?
He’s the one trying to convert himself!
Maybe you should pay attention.
I haven’t done ANY damage whatsoever! Show me how I have.

My Lord is Jesus, that hasn’t changed in 22 years.

Snark, my sex therapist friend would still be interested in talking to you. He offered a while ago and you wouldn’t accept. Send me an email to and I will send you his address. He won’t try to change your sexuality but will try to make you more comfortable with who you are.


I agree with you Sqrl.
Theres a web page run by Mormon Gays that should help also.
I; finally able to be objective, realize that he does need to accept himself as gay.
I think it would help him tremendously, psychologically.
I see nothing wrong with being gay, and have never tried to change anyone.
When you as a woman like a man, he’s likable whether he is gay or married or whatever.
I now realize that, however likable someone is, if they are gay or married, you shouldn’t attempt a relationship other than friends, which we are BTW.

So being engaged to someone and wanting to marry them wasn’t trying to influence some change in his life?

Yer pal,
Satan - Commissioner, The Teeming Minions

Five months, two weeks, four days, 12 hours, 45 minutes and 28 seconds.
6861 cigarettes not smoked, saving $857.66.
Extra life with Drain Bead: 3 weeks, 2 days, 19 hours, 45 minutes.

*“I’m a big Genesis fan.”-David B. (Amen, brother!) **

He asked me to marry him. It was love, we thought.
He has wanted to “convert” for a long time.
I didn’t actively try to help him (and how would I have?)
I couldn’t help liking him.
I prayed, but hey, it didn’t work.

Vanilla wrote:

Rose, please stop referring to my past indiscretions. That is a bit offensive, although you probably don’t mean it to be. I’ve been away from porn sites for a while, with a few slip-ups, and I’m trying to reform my life. It’d be nice if we could forget the past and not drag our dirty laundry out in front of 10,000 dopers to comment on.

You often told me that when I talked about my sexuality in front of the SDMB, it hurt and offended you. Well, now you’re doing it to me with references to web sites I used to access. It is a bit offensive, and it’s embarrassing, too. I used to talk openly about all the aspects of my sexuality on this board, but that time and way of thinking is past. It was a mistake to ever mention my sex life publicly. Please let me put that chapter of my life where it belongs, in the past, without mentioning it further. Thanks.


For those of you just joining us, here are some pertinent facts:

  1. I have been talking about my sexuality (homosexuality, that is) on this message board from day one. Rose isn’t the one who brought up the subject. I was talking about it more than a year before she ever came along.

  2. I’ve been very open talking about my sexuality. Rose, not being a mind-reader, didn’t know that I wanted to stop talking about sex on this board; hence, her above posts. It’s not her fault that something I once wanted to be public is now something private. Mea culpa for not telling her this.

  3. Hi Opal.

  4. Rose is a great gal. Give her the benefit of the doubt here that she is only trying to be helpful. I still love her.


We share a lot of things in this online community, but I hope y’all really don’t mean to put your business in the street like this.

Lotsa things happen in the heat of battle that you regret later and there’s no scorched earth like the area around two people that loved each other and couldn’t make it work.

Please don’t do this – or at least, don’t do it here.

I’m closing this thread.

your humble TubaDiva