Very stupid overheard conversations

I heard this one in the supermarket a few days ago in the butter section:

Man: Irish butter is on sale.
Woman: Oh, my grandfather only gets that type of butter.
Man: What’s the difference?
Woman: I told you, it’s the kind my grandfather gets!

There was no follow up question.

I once overheard:“I want a German Shepherd! Hitler had a German Shepherd!”

(in fairness, I think what happened was they had two unconnected thoughts that came into their head, not that she wanted a German Shepherd because Hitler had one.)

While flying into New York City, I overheard a conversation between two young British girls:

“Oh my gosh it’s so beautiful!”
“Not at all like London.”
“With London you have all those homeless people. They don’t have homeless people here.”

My two favorites.

Once, at a restaurant, I heard a woman at a nearby table asking the waiter how much they charged for a bounced check.

Once, at a coffee shop, I overheard this gem:

“Until I took Psych 101, I had never heard of ‘arrested development’”
“The show?”

One old guy to another:

“They got so many golf courses in Phoenix, Arizona, you could play a different one every day and never repeat!”

Which I guess could be true, if your days are numbered.

Was in Taormina, at the Piazza IX Aprile standing at the iron fence gazing at the sea, the square and watching the people. While most of the “tourists” there seemed to me to be from other parts of Sicily or Italy, there were a plenty of English speaking ones.

Overheard was one woman who strode toward the fence and on her phone, telling whoever was on the other end how beautiful it was etc. she semi-exitedly said something about how she heard these very young Italian children and how they were “only about 3 years old…and speaking Italian!!!”

Two young (20-something) ladies walking past me, “those (fill in the blank) jeans are my life’s passion!!”

Reminds me of an American pastor telling of how he traveled abroad and heard someone speaking Spanish to his dog, and thought skeptically, “that dog does not understand SPANISH!” (although it was a joke at himself)

Not sure if any dogs understand Spanish, but dolphins do.

Back in 2008 I was waiting to vote in the Presidential election. A mother and grown son were ahead of me, and the line was moving very slowly. He was, intelligently, wondering if he should stay in line to vote or go to class (community college) then vote. Then things went south.

Him: Maybe I should go to class; I’m going to miss it if I don’t leave soon.
Mom: Vague comment
Him: Well, if I miss another math class I’m going to flunk the class.
Mom: Inane comment.
Him: But if I vote after class I’ll miss my shows.
Mom: Inane comment.
Him: Yeah; I’m going to stay. I can’t miss my shows!

While walking by someone at the store a lady said, “as much as we done gave”.

On Pinel Island in St Martin, we were relaxing in beach chairs. A couple near us, LOUD, New York accents, “Honey, you should relax and take off your top, like that French woman”.

It became an instant in-joke for us. Anytime I walk in on her dressing, if she’s topless I’ll say something in butchered French.

Smart man. When you’re in a hole, stop digging.

Or your memory is getting flaky.

Reminds me of a joke greeting card I once saw.

Setup: Is it true blondes have more fun?
Punchline: Not really. Their attention span is so short everything just seems so new and exciting!

I don’t understand what’s stupid about this statement. Are you objecting because it is ungrammatical in your dialect? This construct is the “perfective done”, which is perfectly grammatical in Black English Vernacular and some southern US dialects.

Background: mid 80’s, my college roommate and I road-tripped to the NYC area for Spring Break. He stayed with a friend in Connecticut and I stayed with friends on Long Island. On the return trip he told me about a conversation he overheard in a coffee or sandwich shop in Greenwich Village. A Lynyrd Skynyrd song was playing on the radio and two teenage guys were sitting at a table behind him.

Teen 1: “This is a good song. Who is this?”
Teen 2: “It’s Lynyrd Skynyrd.”
Teen 1: “Yeah, I like them. What ever happened to those guys?”
Teen 2: “I don’t know. I think they broke up.”

I learned something new. I thought the “done gave” was just really bad grammar. This was said in the south, so I guess it’s normal in come circles in this neck of the woods. Thanks for the information.

I’ve heard a lady, upon seeing a dog respond to commands in a language other than english exclaim “how is the dog going to understand if they’re speaking another language?!?!?!”

I nearly bit my tongue off stifiling laughter.

When I was in my highschool days, we’d all frequent a firepit in the woods to party as highschoolers are known to do. Upon arrival we encountered a group of mid-twenties, well-to-do, whitebread world folks sitting around a very miserable, lacklustre fire. Occasionally throwing on a handful of twigs or cardboard from a beer case, wondering why the hell their fire wasn’t working. Within minutes we had a roaring beast of a fire going, and as the embers started to accumulate one friend turned to another and asked in a slightly astonished tone:

“What are those red things they have under the fire?”

This was a mid-twenties, assumingly college educated individual. I was a late teenager higher than Keith Richards on the peak of Everest, and I was absolutely flabbergasted at the lack of life experience. It was an in joke among the group for a few years afterwards.

My son had a HS friend whose parents were Rumanian immigrants to Montreal. One day they were driving through Niles, IL, a suburb north of Chicago and, utterly unexpectedly, came upon a half-sized replica of the Leaning Tower of Pisa. The got out of their car and stared at it for a while and finally one of them said, “Only in America.” A passerby overheard this and said, “Oh no, there’s one just like it in Italy.”

Reminds me of when me and a couple of my buddies were traveling in Brazil. A couple of gentlemen asked us something and we couldn’t understand them. So, as you would expect, my friend says “I’m sorry, we don’t speak Portuguese.”

“I’m speakin’ bloody English to ya, mate!” they replied angrily (they were Australian).

I guess I’m a mid-40s college educated well-to-do, whitebread world folk. What are these red things you are referring to?