At Max and Erma’s, they have peach flavored tea, they have watermelon leomade. I get watermelon tea. I’m just that cool.
One time at a sit-down restaurant, I invented and ordered a concoction composed of 50% iced tea and 50% cranberry juice. They complied with my request. It was so good, it didn’t need a special name like Arnold Palmer for iced tea & lemonade.
Same was true for KFC back when it was Kentucky Fried Chicken, and a bucket didn’t cost $30. We’d hit them in the last fifteen minutes and they’d usually offer to load up the order if we wanted it.
Now, I suspect their late-shift portion controls are a lot tighter, since chicken appears to be made of precious metals or something.
(Can NOT believe how expensive fried chicken has gotten - like Taco Bell, it used to be the cheap fast food option.)
In my case, there have been times when we have obviously impressed the waitstaff and possibly even owners because we received MINI MINT CHOCOLATE BARS with our check. It was freaking unreal.
You have to stare? Amateur.
I often get Iced Tea with my dinner, and sometimes I’ll just go ahead and drink as much as I want even before the food gets there. I’ll then make casual eye contact with my waitress… glance down at my empty tea glass… look back and give her that “care to hook a playa up?” look and before I know it she is there either with a brand new glass of tea, or sometimes she sneaks a whole pitcher over and tops me off. A few times I’ve even scored THREE FREE Iced Teas in one meal!!!
I once went out with friends to this expensive restaurant, and as I drove up, there was no parking lot. My friend said “just drive up to the door, they’ll take care of the car.” Well, they gave me a ticket and said to give it to them after dinner and they’d bring my car back.
I did that and sure enough, a guy drove my car right up to us and opened the doors for us! The dude was so impressed that he came up to me and laid out his palm for me to give him some skin! I slapped his palm and said “thanks, dude, I’ll definitely be back!” It was like I was his best friend! He really must have liked my sweet 1986 280Z. I recommend you all take your sweet rides there as well.
I’m so well known at my local T.G.I. Fridays they let me eat there on a Tuesday afternoon. Welcome to the goodie room!
I know several places around here where I can walk in and tell them what I want to eat, and they’ll just COOK IT FOR ME AND GIVE IT TO ME!! All I have to do is give them a few bucks for their time and ingredients! Talk about a time-saver!
Shit, y’all are posers.
When I eat they take the plates and wash ‘em for me when I’m done.
No trips back to the kitchen for this playa’.
Smoke THAT bitches!
Amateurs.
You want free food and great service? Show up with an adorable toddler. Dress my youngest in pink and the sky’s the limit. The last time we went for Chinese food she got a free fortune cookie AND three free french fries.
I was special ordering marinara sauce on my Subway chicken subs BEFORE they put a chicken parmesan marinara sub on the menu!
When I was in college, I ate Wendy’s triples for awhile. Once, to my surprise, it had four patties. A few weeks later, I was on a road trip with a friend and the same thing happened. My friend theorized that they put a tracking device in the first one to see if anyone could eat a quadruple with cheese and survive. When we went into that out-of-state Wendy’s, they got an alert.
“Store 1421 to headquarters: he’s still alive…what should we do!?”
“Fuck it, give him another one!”
I was at this one place and ordered my food. Got my drink and appetizer, they were pretty decent. Then I got my entree…
It sucked! Sucked so bad I told the waitress I couldn’t eat it and had, in fact, lost my appetite.
Obviously she was impressed by my steely gaze, my square jaw, my manly countenance for she got the manager. The little wimp didn’t even bother to ask what was wrong - seeing the glint in my eye he just decided that I didn’t have to pay for anything.
A Diet Coke and a crab cake appetizer - for free!
as a cook, i generally hate substitutions, but every one working the line will nod in approval when someone orders something really good.
I’m not a trouble-maker with special orders like some of you, but even I’ve had special service on occasion, e.g. the time I was treated to a side of sticky rice and fly wings with my order of lemon-aid.
Once upon a time – I think it was in the days when I still had long hair – I was at a 5-star hotel in one of the world’s most beautiful cities with a hangover like I’d never had before or since. I’d already missed my airplane when I staggered down to the 1st-floor restaurant, sat at the bar, and tried to imagine what breakfast I could possibly stomach. When I ordered orange juice to start I was told snootily that only full breakfast orders were permitted. I staggered up to the expensive 2nd-floor dinner resaturant and asked if I could have just onion soup.
They brought me an onion soup!
No, you see, the veteran move for Subway is to know the proper sequence to order. Amateurs will pick the sandwich type, and then have to be asked the bread size and type. The veteran knows that the first thing to ask for is your bread size and type, because that’s the first thing they pick up. You then specify the main ingredient, followed by cheese type. An expert knows to specify “toasted” or “not toasted” before they ask.
And sometimes, when I ask for a topping like spinach, I then ask for extra spinach, and they put more on! No charge.
You guys have to go out for your food? Pfft, I get my food to come to me. There’s this great local pizza place that will bring me pizza, bread sticks, and wings. To my house! The skies the limit at this hut-looking pizza restaurant.
The Sweet Onion Chicken Teriyaki is one of your more expensive Subway sandwiches. You can order a regular chicken breast sandwich with a scoop of teriyaki, though. Or you can be a sucker and spend that extra dollar.
I swing by Jason’s Deli to pick up my wife’s coworker’s lunch because as a nurse she can’t get away and I’m just that sweet. I pull up to parking reserved just for me since they know I have to go and am a busy guy. I bypass the main door for the huddled masses and use my special door to go straight to the counter. They just needed to whip it up fresh, so she handed me a cup to let me get a drink while I waited. She didn’t waste my time by asking for and getting me just one soda, but just knew I might want to try mixing my own. That’s VIP treatment!