Man, Eve, I hope you can make this happen. Robert Osborne never answers my mash notes!
And while they might be cool about the Dope part, the Straight thing is going to be a minus.
Problem with a movie show is the movies–that’s the reason AMC when down the crapper and MST3K couldn’t get a lot of films. You have to buy broadcast rights, in bulk, and it depends on what kind of movies Viacom could get their hands on.
Me, on the other hand, I am so qualified for this job. If only I weren’t a stout middle-aged matron with a face like a coffin . . . Oh, well, I gots chic an poisonality!
Meanwhile, Eve, in a complete hijack but since I have your attention, have you heard about Silent Laughter? It’s a stage version of silent comedy movies. The actors perform old slapstick routines with no dialogue.
Lined with silk? Padded? The top half opens independently of the bottom? (Now I have this image of Eve reaching to a temple and opening her forehead, revealing a brain tilted at a rakish angle and bearing a tiny lorgnette.
I believe Eve is not the only Doper who should have a show on the Gay Channel. Una Person could have an automotive repair show. It just needs a catchy title. Hmm, Diesel Dyke?
I think the conclusion we’re reaching is not just that there are lots of Dopers who would be great on a Gay Channel, but that what we really really need is a Straight Dope Network. Other than the reruns of the TV show, we could have Storytime with Scylla, or The Great Debate Hour…
The Gay channel sounds all right, especially if they have more of a focus on gay-themed movies and less on reruns of shows like Ellen or Queer Eye.
Yeah, right! Next you’ll tell me they’re in the fashion industry!
Eve, maybe you could sweet talk Robert Osborne into recommending you to host Silent Sunday Night? It’d certainly be a foot in the door. (One hint: Robert, like me, is a Betty Hutton fan, so ixnay on the Erilspay of Aulinepay thing.)
Nah, call it, Edsel Merman.
Drama Queen Theatre 3000!
BTW, All: Check out the Brini Maxwell Show. Brini is a Drag Queen with Donna Reed sensibilities hosting a home and style show on E! and Style Networks. The irony is so dryly understated you’d think it was British. F-n hilarious.
Schedule:
**E! **
Episode "Cocktail Party" 4/1 11:30 am
Episode "Garden Living" 4/8 11:30 am
-------
**Style:**
(some have no episode title availabe, I'll summarize show description...)
Temporary Living Spaces 3/31 11:00 am
Repeats: 4/3 9:30 pm
Repeats: 4/4 12:30 am
"Re-Purposing" 3/31 11:30 am
Tips on Traveling 4/2 10:00 pm
repeats 4/3 1:00 am
repeats 4/3 9:00 pm
repeats 4/4 12:00 am
Peace.
If your appearance becomes an actual issue (as opposed to one you feel is present but to which nobody else objects), you could always do running commentary and write the bits for a talking head to do.
Re-runs of Ralph Edwards and “Queen for a Day” seems tailor made for the channel, no?
Also, they need to come up with something for us butch guys - maybe a variation on “American Chopper” and some wrestling.
Or an hilarious sitcom starring Lieu, Tales from the Men’s Room . . .
And that if they don’t, we’re all armed and we know where to find them. (I always find that enclosing a picture of the person to whom you’re addressing the cover letter asleep in his/her bedroom gets their immediate attention.)
Godwin’s Law and Order
I think her real passion is guns. Target Practice hosted by Una? Shooting with Una?
Okay, the title needs some work
OK, I have just e’d Brian Graden and Tom Freston, the two guys at Viacom/MTV in charge of the start-up.
I mentioned my creds, that before AMC went down the toilet, they were interviewing me for a hosting position (assuring them my being interviewed had nothing to do with the toilet-going-down of the network!) and that my only request is that I get to open the show by sweeping into the room like Loretta Young.
IIRC, that atrocity was inflicted by the WB.
Or even Tails from the Men’s Room…
How about some Saturday morning cartoons? Japan has a whole industry of queer-themed animation. It’s hard to get a gay kiss in prime time on mainstream American television, while an anime aimed at teenagers – Maho Tsukai Tai – has a gay kiss in the opening credits. You could have Sailor Moon and Card Captor Sakura uncut.
Oh, and good luck Eve. If you do get in, I’ll almost regret not owning a TV.