Confession - I once apologized to someone because I was mean to them in high school, and the apology was not accepted. Major awkwardness…
Victims of school bullying: if you met your bully now and were offered an apology, would you accept?
Or maybe they’ve grown up, and are sorry for being a dickweed?
I wouldn’t accept, because I wouldn’t believe the only one I can really imagining remembering was sincere.
Or we just have a different definition of bullying. I don’t feel as if I was ever bullied. Sure, from time to time someone said something not very nice to me, or even teased me about something (like not making the finals in the speech contest in 6th grade - that really hurt). I wasn’t bullied, though.
I was bullied badly in elementary school, moderately teased in middle school, and was completely okay in high school. At the end of elementary school, though–it was about the last few months of sixth grade–one of the worst bully types from fifth grade came up to me and apologized for it. No strings attached*, no hidden people in corners snickering. And he kept on being decent to me, right up through middle school, which was the last time I saw him.
I accepted it. It was honest, and struck me as an eminently decent thing to do. I’d accept it again, though, as I’m now 27, I don’t think that’s likely to happen. If anything, I’d be weirded out. I mean, I’m over it; shouldn’t they be over it, too? But I see no reason not to accept it. We’ve all been jackasses at some point, and the world could use more forgiveness.
*[sub]Unless it had something to do with the fact that I had breasts, and almost no one else did yet.[/sub]
Same.
I don’t think anyone can honestly say they’ve never been made fun of, teased or picked on, not even once, in their lives, but a few jerks here and there sassing you doesn’t count as being “a victim of bullying” in my book. That’s just life.
Same here, I suppose. I have never thought of myself as being bullied although there was one nasty little girl in my kindergarten (Fiona) who I have referred to as a bully. If she apologised, sure I’d accept it and laugh it off - I couldn’t hold the actions of a four year old against a grown woman, particularly when it was more low-level bitchiness than outright bullying.
Beyond that, I was occasionally teased by various people, but not on a consistent, on-going basis and not about anything hugely significant. I got called a book-worm (ooh! ouch! burn! the trauma!) and teacher’s pet once in a while but there wasn’t exactly a sting in either of those (I WAS a bookworm, and I don’t think I was teacher’s pet, but I was quiet and teachers rarely had reason to tell me off so I could see where they got that idea from). Stewart was a bit of a jerk toward me, but he didn’t seek me out to harass me, he just made nasty comments (mostly of the aforementioned bookworm/teacher’s pet variety) when our paths crossed. That was surprisingly infrequently considering we went to the same small school, were in the same class and lived in the same street. The boy I’d nominate as class bully was always oddly nice to me… never understood why, but I don’t remember ever hearing an unkind word from his mouth directed at me.
Either I’ve blocked a lot of things out, or my definition of bullying is wrong, or… I wasn’t ever really bullied.
I was bullied throughout my childhood by one of my brothers and have had as little contact with him as possible as an adult. I would have to believe that the apology was 100% genuine to accept it.
I haven’t been offered any apologies by my actual bullies, but when we met again on the internet I did get an apology from a childhood friend whose “friendly teasing” frequently crossed the line. I wasn’t expecting it, wouldn’t have solicited it, and reckoned it was water under the bridge at that point, but I was pleasantly surprised at his recognition and admission that his behaviour was hurtful, and accepted the apology. If one of the people who had actually tormented me on a regular basis did the same, I don’t know how I would respond. It would depend on the level of sincerity and whether they seemed to really understand how their behaviour affected me.
eta: I was only thinking about school bullies, but the above applies to family ones as well, though I don’t hold out any hope of recognition and admission from that quarter.
I’m in the same boat, minor incidents in school, major bullying at home.
Contact is minimal and I’d have to see some huge personality change before I accepted an apology as genuine.
As near as I can tell, there’s no one from before my college years who even remembers me. I’m not expecting any contact with them, much less an apology. If it happened, would I accept? I’d like to say that I’d need to be very convinced of their sincerity, but knowing myself, I’d probably say I did just as a polite reflex.
For my part, I was bullied by so many different people I barely remember any individuals anymore.
I was going to post about it, but on reflection, I’ve decided that the events leading up to the apology aren’t really mine to share.
ETA: And that to do so would somehow cheapen the forgiveness I granted.
P.S. The poll needed I was a bully. But I guess that would come in so many permutations that it would be better to make it a poll of its own.
I can recall someone saying something unkind to me twice in high school; I can recall saying something unkind to someone at least twice in high school (and who knows how many more things I said that were taken as mean without my intending them that way). I don’t actually know why I wasn’t bullied, but I wasn’t.
There were two in elementary school that took pleasure in tormenting me.
M was a physical threat. She took my new shoes, and when I narked she threatened to beat me up. In her lack of forethought, she made her move in front of the school office. She was a very tough girl and terrified me. I haven’t seen her since junior high, but at one point I came across information regarding her current life. Not so good. I wouldn’t care if she apologized as knowing what her life is like - what she put me through is last on her list of cares.
S, on the other hand, was just a flat out brat who, with her posse of bullies, verbally abused me daily. I have run into some of the posse - every one apologized for their behavior. I doubt S would remember me and I doubt I would accept an apology from her. She made me feel stupid, despite the fact I was being teased for being the smartest in out grade.
I was harrassed by kids and sometimes what they said hurt me. But even though I identified myself as victim of bullying in the poll, I really don’t identify myself like in real life. I don’t know why.
Perhaps it’s because I understand why I was picked on? I was gangly and awkward. I dressed weird, slobbered when I talked, had bad hair, and just generally Was. Not. Cool. I even had a teacher who pulled me aside one time, took me by the shoulders and said, kind of frantically, “Come on, act like you belong!!!”
So most of the kids who said something stupid to me? I would be embarrassed if they were to even mention it. I have forgiven and forgotten their crimes so long ago that I can’t even remember who was “bad” anymore.
There is one guy, though, that if he apologized, I would take it to heart and stop continuing to harbor ill-feelings towards him. It was after school in my junior year, and he and his cronies basically beat the shit out of me with words, taunting me with slurs like “retard” and “crazy” and mocking all my worst traits for what seemed like forever (but it probably lasted no more than ten minutes). He was a rich kid, wannabe Tucker Carlson-type. He’s probably working for some right-wing think tank and married to a Stepford housewife. If we ever bump into each other and the first thing that comes out of his mouth was, “Oh, Jesus, monstro! I was such a dick to you in high school and I’m sorry!” all would be forgiven. Until that day happens, though, he will always be “that guy from high school who I hate with the white heat of a million suns.”
How do you figure?
I disagree. I was teased a little in elementary school, but a bully in high school. Comparing what I did at 15 to what happened to me in kindergarten is not fair to the former little kids who teased me.
This actually happened to me. A bully from middle school had taunted me, spraypainted FUCK our truck, and generally terrorized me for years actually wrote me an apology on facebook a few months ago. I was shocked. I guess I accepted it because I got a weird My Name Is Earl vibe to it. He said, “I’ve been thinking about it alot lately and I wanted you to know how bad I feel about being such a shit when we were kids. I really am sorry. I have no excuse. I hope you had a great birthday.”
I’ve thought about it. I was a bright kid, but when I went to math competitions and entered music composition contests and the like, I regularly got my clock cleaned by a genuine child prodigy, the kind of guy who’s literally one of the smartest people in our nation today. Although he was two years younger than me (I think), he was in the same grade as I was, with the concomitant social awkwardness.
And I was supremely jealous of his intellect, and I was awful to him about it, taking advantage of his youth to tease him mercilessly. Physical bullying only went so far as “there’s mustard on your shirt–tweaked your nose!” business, never anything painful, but oh, I and a friend were pretty mean.
I’ve thought about sending this guy an apology, but figure it wouldn’t mean much.