Viva la difference. men vs women

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

hmmm anybody agree?

THE MALE STAGES OF LIFE
AGE----------------------- DRINK
17 beer
25 vodka
35 scotch
48 double scotch
66 cod liver oil
AGE -----------SEDUCTION LINE

17 My parents are away for the weekend.
25 My girlfriend is away for the weekend.
35 My fiancee is away for the weekend.
48 My wife is away for the weekend.
66 My wife is dead.
AGE --------------FAVORITE SPORT

17 sex
25 sex
35 sex
48 channel surfing
66 napping
AGE -------------DEFINITION OF A SUCCESSFUL DATE

17 “tongue”
25 “breakfast”
35 “She didn’t set back my therapy.”
48 “I didn’t have to meet her kids.”
66 “Got home alive.”
AGE-------------- FAVORITE FANTASY
17 a winning goal after the whistle
25 sex in an aeroplane
35 menage a trois
48 taking over the company
66 Swiss maid/Nazi love slave
AGE -------------------WHAT’S THE IDEAL AGE TO GET MARRIED?

17 25
25 35
35 48
48 66
66 17

AGE ------------------IDEAL DATE

17 Triple horror special feature at a drive-in
25 “Split the cheque before we go back to my place”
35 “Just come over.”
48 “Just come over and cook.”

66 Sex in the company jet on the way to Las Vegas.
THE FEMALE STAGES OF LIFE
AGE------------------------- DRINK
17 Wine Coolers
25 White wine
35 Red wine
48 Dom Perignon
66 Shot of Jack Daniels with a Napkin chaser

AGE --------------EXCUSES FOR REFUSING DATES

17 Need to wash my hair
25 Need to wash and condition my hair
35 Need to color my hair
48 Need to have Stefan color my hair
66 Need to have Stefan color my wig
AGE ------------FAVORITE SPORT

17 shopping
25 shopping
35 shopping
48 shopping
66 shopping
AGE -----------DEFINITION OF A SUCCESSFUL DATE

17 “McDonalds”
25 “Free meal”
35 “A diamond”
48 “A bigger diamond”
66 “Home Alone”
AGE -----------FAVORITE FANTASY

17 tall, dark and handsome
25 tall, dark and handsome with money
35 tall, dark and handsome with money and a brain
48 a man with hair
66 a man
AGE -----------WHAT’S THE IDEAL AGE TO GET MARRIED

17 17
25 25
35 35
48 48
66 66

AGE ------------IDEAL DATE

17 He offers to pay
25 He pays
35 He cooks breakfast the next morning
48 He cooks breakfast the next morning for the kids
66 He can chew breakfast

We are, each of us angels with only one wing;
and we can only fly by
embracing one another

2

:smiley: Yay! Funny stuff, Sue. Not entirely accurate in my case (23 and drinkin’ red wine… never liked wine coolers)…but it invoked a big grin, nonetheless.

I give it an 8. :wink:

3

Sue, where do you get this stuff? lol

Well, I’m not really into scotch or beer, but the Favorite Sports catagory is dead on (so far…)

You say “cheesy” like that’s a BAD thing.

4

You kick ass CanadianSue!

Male
Age------------- Common Sexual Activties
17 Talking about sex
25 Lying about sex
35 Talking wife into sex
48 Talking wife out of sex
66 Wished had more sex

Female
Age------------- Common Sexual Activity
17 Choose guy to have sex with
25 Choose guy to have sex with
35 Choose guy to have sex with
48 Choose guy to have sex with
66 Bitch about lack of sex

5

AGE----------------------- DRINK
17 beer
25 beer
35 beer
48 beer
66 beer

mmmmmm, yeah :wink:

“The world is not five hours old and evil has already entered it” - Aslan
The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe

6

I couldnt agree more! lmao

Love Always,
Heather Lee
XheatherleeX@aol.com

7

I get to be annoying… :slight_smile:

it should read ‘Vive la différence’.

‘Viva’ is Spanish, and it’s ‘é’ for all you keyboard impaired people. :wink:

8

You are right, Momotaro.

That IS annoying. :wink:

And I’m not talking about the missing accent.

You say “cheesy” like that’s a BAD thing.

9

wtf cares as long as the point got across… maybe she is half spanish… half french =)

10

Well Momotaro… i am feeling kinda half and half today… so i guess either would do lol

We are, each of us angels with only one wing;
and we can only fly by
embracing one another

11

Democritus: With all due respect, Aslan said that in The Magician’s Nephew, not L, W and W.

Remember, I’m pulling for you; we’re all in this together.
—Red Green

12

I stand corrected! :wink: Thanks…

13

I mean, uh…I STAND CORRECTED! Duuuhhh…:stuck_out_tongue:

“The world is not five hours old and evil has already entered it” - Aslan
The Magician’s Nephew

14

I’m glad you weren’t offended, Democritus. I saw that someone corrected your sig, in another thread, and I hoped you didn’t feel picked on.

Remember, I’m pulling for you; we’re all in this together.
—Red Green

15

De-fuckin-lightful!!! CanadianSue rules!

MALE automotive fantasies:
17 Wishes he had a car.
25 Wishes he had a faster car.
35 Wishes he had another car.
48 Wishes either of his cars were as cool as his son’s car.
66 Wishes his wife would let him drive the car.
92 Wishes he had a motorized wheelchair.

FEMALE favorite treats:
17 Chocolate candy bars.
25 Chocolate kisses.
35 Chocolate Slim-Eze appetite suppressants.
48 Chocolate kisses, chocolate candy bars, and "it helps my hot flashes"Hershey’s syrup straight from the can.
66 Chocolate Ex-Lax.

EVERYBODY’s definition of “old”:
17 21
25 35
35 48
48 66
66 92
92 93

16

This is fun! The following is a personal history, probably only of interest to alcoholics, addicts, and those in the recovery field:

AGE…DRUG OF CHOICE

12…tobacco
13…volatile chemicals
14…marijuana
15…tobacco, marijuana, PCP
16…tobacco, marijuana, LSD
17…tobacco, marijuana, beer, Valium
18…tobacco, marijuana, beer, Quaaludes
19…tobacco, marijuana, beer, rum, whiskey
20…tobacco, marijuana, beer, rum, whiskey,
Valium, Placidyls, LSD, cocaine
21…tobacco, marijuana, beer, rum, whiskey, tequila, Valium, Placidyls, LSD, cocaine, amphetamines, opiates, anything you got
22…same
23…same
24…same
25…same
26…tobacco, vodka, cocaine
27…tobacco, vodka, cocaine, heroin
28…tobacco, vodka, heroin
29…tobacco, vodka
30…tobacco, cheapass-vodka by the gallon
31…tobacco, alcohol in any form
32…tobacco, alcohol in any form, ER drugs
33…tobacco, coffee
34…tobacco, alcohol in any form, ER drugs
35…tobacco, coffee
36…tobacco, coffee
37…tobacco, alcohol in any form, ER drugs
38…tobacco, coffee
39…coffee
40…same, but cutting back! :slight_smile:

17

Tennhippie,

It shows that your parents gave you a decent upbringing. From your list, we all can clearly deduct that you did not drink any alcohol until you were seventeen.

HOLY SHIT that list was impressive. Were you brought up in The Netherlands, by any chance ?

:wink:

Coldfire

“You know how complex women are”

  • Neil Peart, Rush (1993)
18

How can you make such generalisations? Especially the ones you make about women. We are not all about shopping and getting a manwith money so that we can sit down,do nothing and let our asses grow old in luxury… Canadian Sue, why don’t you cross the border to the french side and see how much women over there are so much more evolved!!!

19

My god, CanadianSue, I too am OFFENDED at your GENERALIZATIONS.

I also can’t tell a joke from the hole in my ass.

sheesh, weeggsist–Lighten the hell up.

20

Guys this is a very old thread dating back from October. It was an email sent to me and a joke. Take a pill… sheesh

We are, each of us angels with only one wing,and we can only fly by embracing one another