Do you have any aneuploids on the menu? Echinoderms? Cephalopods? Annelids?
eyetwitch
I remember a christmas, long ago. We were in a (for us) uppety restaurant for christmas, with the entire family. The waiter rattled of a list of some delicious sounding entrees that were not on the menu. When he was done, I asked: " and what do those cost?". Everybody at my table laughed at me. But I don’t want to say yes to something with a blank check.
So, another vote for: just give me the menu and relax, we’ll find you if we need you.
Indeed - there seems to be a general sense that periods of ambient noise low enough to hear anything said by the person across the table are a major black mark against a restaurant.
I’m not shy about asking for mindless background music to be turned down - and occasionally this happens. I’ve never encountered any complaint, and several times have been thanked by other patrons.
Ugh. One of my big pet peeves. The person taking me to my table does not, I repeat, does NOT, have permission to ask me a jillion questions while walking me to my table. “How are you this evening? Have you been with us before? What’s your favorite color? Are you a Pisces?”
Just
Shut
The
Fuck
Up,
Please.
Some corporate dickhead sitting behind a desk thought this up. Anyone working in the industry would have never even considered it. Even if I just ignore them, they continue to ask me questions? WTF is that about?
We also shush the Olive Garden server who come to the table with a bottle of wine to taste saving us all a lot of time.
At most of the ones I’ve gone to lately they use a recording. I didn’t realize this until one day when I was greeted by a sweet-sounding female voice and my order was confirmed by a gravelly male voice.
One of these days I’m going to let the recording play out and just say “Yes”, to see if they know what the recorded greeting is offering.
One of the people in the drive-thru at my local McDonald’s just says, “Take your order?” and slurs the hell out of it, so it’s more like “Tyorder?”. I find it refreshing.
Not to mention that if they give the standing spiel on the specials they almost never say how much they are, and I hate to ask, but I also hate being surprised. It also means that I’ve usually had a minute or two with the menu before the waitress comes over, and when they throw the specials into the mix I have to start the decision process over.
Please, for God’s sake, print the specials on a little card or something.
Oh, and while I’m ranting about restaurants (since it’s too petty for its own thread): 8.95 is a price. $9 is a price. 8.5 is a good review at Pitchfork. Two digits or none, please.
You know, paying $8.95 for glorified Chef Boyardee at Olive Garden really doesn’t entitle you to treat people like shit.
I think it entirely depends on the ambience and scale of the restaurant, “experience dining” lends itself to scripts, but spontanaeity and understanding are foremost… You gauge the table… Improv… se what flies… read their body language, decide if they are in for it, or not. Scripts should be guidlines, never rote… unless you are very very skilled.
I think at Red Lobster it is a bit presumptious. But then again I had patrons who liked the extravagence, so you never know.
Or, if it’s “home made”, the “spices” are in a plain white bag which says in U.S. Army Stencil something to the effects of “SPICE COMMA SOUP COMMA ITALIAN WEDDING MILSPEC 4.2.1.711(A) USE OF THIS SIMULATED SPICE MIXTURE DOES NOT CONSTITUTE A VIOLATION OF THE GENEVA CONVENTIONS PARA 6 1959”
At least that’s similar to what the spice for Wendy’s chili used to say.
Does that mean if you pay $30-50 for an entree at some pretentious 5-star restaurant you are entitled to treat people like shit?
Also I’m gonna go ahead and say it: I like the Olive Garden food. It’s tasty. I don’t care if all they did was microwave it, it’s better than anything my sorry ass can “cook” at home.
The restaurant owners don’t want you to converse. Conversation means the patrons are likely to linger over their food, which means that their table won’t be freed up for the next set of money-givers.
No, Ideally we want return customers. Neither while, wait, nor lull need be, or considered outside of our dining experience. We cater to the casually elegant. Be Ye 1/2 an hour to five hours. The time is not important, it is the experience. Of course, we charge accordingly and expect you to experience the full onslaught. Cocktails, Amuse Bouche’, Wine, Appetizer, Wine, Salad, Wine, Soup, Wine Entree, Cheese, Fruit, Dessert, aperitif, dessert, aperitif.
Get a cup of Kona coffee or Espresso… maybe a sambuca’ flambe’, and bananas foster . I’ll have you crackin’ some Brut, and Louis XIV. Sometimes you just have to make it sound so fuckin’ awesome, that there is no other substitute.
… But I will tell you this, rarely are they disappointed. The Best is the best for reason.
Wow! I hadn’t even learned to walk yet!
You’re basically asking “how can I make this in my own home, so I no longer have to come here.” You can’t think of why a business isn’t comfortable with that arrangement?
You’re just getting a front row seat to the manager/server shuffle dance they perform when idiots ask for recipes. The server doesn’t want to piss you off, so they kick blame up the ladder and you simmer down and stuff your face with your favorite crab cake biscuits.
And don’t give me that building customer loyalty bullshit. If you were a “loyal” customer you wouldn’t mind paying for the product in question.
Red Lobster had me at cheddar bay biscuits… I’ve tried to do them right from scratch, but I just can’t get their proprietary down with home kitchen process. The scratch were very, very, good, just not the same.
You get a long speech about food you don’t want and it delays the person 2 minutes at each table. Someone speaking more than one short sentence quickly to me is just lost in the listening processing delay and and turns into brain numbing babel. Also the complicated food names that have identical useless components thrown in have me giving up and saying whatever you call it, I don’t care what, this is what I want.
Hardees was the last place to be like this.I was with a large group. I tried to order and got told you mean this not that by the person, with the start of a long explanation that I cut off. I said whatever it is called order it. They bring out the food and I have my number and the others have theirs. The who ordered what question comes up and the person is reeling off these stupid burger names that mean nothing. I just said I have no idea what I ordered I have a number match it up. The people that tried to go by the name of what they ordered didn’t all get the right thing. They figured this out when the burgers didn’t have what they wanted on them. This just proves that even people that don’t get easily confused by fast talking can’t tell what the Hell these stupid long complicated names for food items are. Please go back to meal names like cheese burger, swiss burger, or quarter pound hamburger.
For the bastard that mocked me by repeating what I said when I could hardly speak a number of years ago I did report your ass at the entrance to your boss. This guy kept interrupting me trying to get out a sentence, thus making me restart over and over. You could tell he thought it was funny too. Amazingly nobody else he waited on was subjected to this. I guess mocking somebody not having trouble speaking isn’t as fun. No I’m not anywhere as bad today as I was back then.
If you were my server, I would give a large tip. 
I like when they ask you if you want to hear the rundown or if you’re ready to order.
My son took me to a really swanky joint for Mother’s Day. Our server’s schpiel was more of an audition than an effort to help us sort through the fixed menu they had for the occasion. It wasn’t that tough. It was limited, in English, and clearly printed. I didn’t need the Shakespearian version.
The meal was worth the annoying presentation, but still!
God, I waited tables once. For a very brief time. Two months, IIRC. We had to do The Annoying Spiel. And it wasn’t even a corporate place.
“Have you dined with us before?” If Yes, short spiel, if No, looooong spiel.
Long cocktails spiel (even to the Sunday church crowd, which was embarassing)
Long appetizer spiel
Long upselling entrees spiel
Long dessert spiel towards the end of their meal
It was torture. And the floor managers (1 during the week but 2 on the weekends) would float around and listen for you doing it. If you so much as went a word off-script they’d drag your ass in the back and chew you a new one.
Some of the girls almost seemed to get off on doing it, but I never ever did it when I knew I could get away with it. I had a few customers thank me.
There’s no rule against swearing. An OP with loads of swearing would probably get moved, but that’s about tone, not naughty words.
Waiter spiels are ridiculous, but I find them less annoying than overly loud ambient music and unnecessary "How’s everything?"s, which at some places come every five fucking minutes. If I wanted to be friends with the waiter, I would have taken HIM to the restaurant instead of my date.