Want to buy a bloodstained carpet...?

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

A very strange thing happened to me today. I felt the need to share it:

A couple of hours ago there was a knock on my porch door. I answered and found a boy in a red shirt, about 18 years old, standing on my lawn and holding a thin roll of carpet.

Boy: You want to buy a carpet?
Me: Er. Not really, thanks.
Boy: It’s only 50p.
Me: No thanks. Don’t need a carpet today.
Boy: Please, I just need to get rid of it.
Me: Sorry.

I go to shut the door and he jumps right infront of me, bellowing into my face about this stupid carpet:

Boy: It’s the best quality. Its only got bloodstains on one side so if you lay it down this way they won’t show…
Me: Huh?!
Boy: Only 30p! Please! I just need somewhere to hide it…
Me: HUH?!
Boy: Do any policemen live round here?

I shut the door, totally creeped out. He stays in my porch for a few minutes, shouting about his carpet. Then it all goes quiet. I peek out of an upstairs window and he is lying flat on his face on the path outside my door, cuddling his bit of carpet. After about five minutes he got up and wandered off.

Every word of that is true… was someone winding me up?!

2

I don’t know, but it would make a hell of a scene in a Twilight Zone episode.

3

I just lost my craving for enchilladas.

4

Yeah. He was taking the piss.

5

Could it have been the guy that harrassed us in the church hall the other week, and made us jump the pews to get away from him? Argh.
The weirdest people live in this place. Last night i couldn’t sleep and was reading a book when i heard a car pull up outside. It stayed there for ages, so I looked out the window to see some NHS hospital car thing… thought it must be looking for the Old Folks home around the corner, so when I heard a car door open and close, I got dressed, preparing to answer the door and send them away… but they just drove away again. Odd.

:smack: Has anyone seen my celery??

6

That guy in the church was the who he first reminded me of. Not sure though. I nearly called the police when he laid down outside my door.

Where’s ya celery gone?

7

Not sure, but keep looking for it please fizzygoodmakefeelnice. Did i ever tell you about the time someone called at my front door asking for Fred?

(“er, no sorry, no one called Fred lives here… i think you’ve got the wrong number…house”) fool.